Worst day so far..

I've been waking up twice a night still, but last nght there wa less urgency than there has been before so I was grateful I had a few more seconds to wake up before I had to get up.  But the pain has been unbearable.  If I didn't konw better I saw I was starting with labour (not that I know what that is like!)

It started last night just before I got in bed.  The cramps were so strong it reduced me to tears because I was so fed up and I couldnt make it stop.  I went straight to bed to lie down, and woke up a couple of times in the night.  This morning I had a few sips of water and the cramping started again.  My husband had to go to work, so I was in the bathroom a few more times after he went.  I managd to get back in bed and fall asleep for a couple of hours, but when I woke up (quite late, about 12.50pm) I felt awful, and to be honest I felt a bit confused.  I got up and had a shower, but I felt like I didn't know what I was going to do next.  I feel drained, exhausted, and thought of doing anything at all makes me feel dizzy.

I'm supposed to be making a nice roast dinner for my husband for when he gets home from work and the thought of it terrifies me.  I realise this must sound totally ridiculous, and when I think about it I realise it is, but I can't help it.  I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up until I knew I was going to feel better.

I have been starving hungry all morning, and the only thing I've been able to eat is  a little pot of Blackcurrant Jelly and half a glass of water.  I look in the fridge at all the delicious things I could eat and I could cry because I know if I eat them I will just be in agony for the rest of the day.  I'm sorry to sound so emotional, but this has been the worst day ever for me and I never knew it could have so much of an effect on me.

Thank you so much dbab.  I'm going to the doctor on tuesday and they are finally doing blood tests, but the wait is just killing me.  I've decided that unless I feel magically wonderful this evening then I'm not going into work tomorrow.  I can't face sitting there putting on a brave face pretending that everything is ok when it's not.

I just wanted to say though that if it wasn't for me being able to post on here and have people understand what I'm going through I don't konw what I would do.  I found this place at just the right time, and I am so grateful to everyone.  In the short time that I have been here, I have found more information and been given so many ideas than all the times I have ever been to see the doctor.

I have been taking my probiotics and I think they may be making a difference,  Apart from this morning before I had one, I have only been to the bathroom once.  I have had pains but I'm thankful that I haven't had to run off every hour or so.  I'm going to spend tomorrow just resting again, and I have decided that at some point I am going to go for a walk, just to the end of the road and back, but I think the fresh air will be good and it gives me something to feel good about if I can get there and back without having a problem.  It's not really far, but it's far enough from home for me at the moment without being able to jump in the car and zoom back home.

You really made me laugh then bunny!  You're right - (and no offence meant to the men on here!), but even though I have been really ill Ihave been doing the housework, the washing, making dinner, and I even did all the washing up and made hubby's lunch for tomorrow while he was fast asleep on the couch!  Now if it was the other way round, I think things would be a LITTLE bit different!

I managed to make the roast, even though I didnt each much of it.  Plus is spent much of my time to-ing and fro-ing between the bathroom and the living room.  I sometimes wonder what it would be like if tehre were cameras in our house and I oculd look back at them each night.  I start off doing something but then I find myself doing a little dance while I finish try and finish what Im doing before I rush off to the bathroom, or I'm rolling around in bed trying to get comfortable trying to read the papers, or running between the kitchen and the lviing room while I lay on the couch while the cramps do their thing.

Even though I have done nothing this weekend, I'm taking the day off tomorrow for sure and I'm going to try and have a positive day.  Doing little things hour by hour and not testing myself too much.

The one benefit of all t his is that I have stopped smoking.  I was trying to give up before I started with all this but now I have definitely given it the heave-ho.  One of the other downsides is tat I am sat with massive stretchy pants on pulled up to my ribs and I could easily pass for woman who is 5-6 months pregnant right now with the bloating!

Evie, I also had some tiffs with my dad over my illness.  But that's because my dad is a radiologist and kind of a know-it-all.  He is over 70 years old and hasn't actually technically "practiced" medicine in over 25 years (he's in academic medicine now).  He's really a brilliant guy, and gives lectures all over the world, but he's really not up-to-date whatsoever on the diagnosis or treatment of disease.  He was trying to force me to get this or that radiological study done to attempt to diagnose my problem when my GI was recommending a whole different approach.  Then my dad told me that I could "probably will myself better" if I just tried hard enough.  It was so frustrating that I no longer give my dad updates.  If he asks, I'll give a generic "I'm doing fine" kind of answer, and once in a while remind him that I'm an adult and am taking care of myself in the way I see is appropriate for me.  It has taken many, many attempts to redirect him, but it's starting to work.

If your dad is really getting to you, you have to be able to say, "Listen dad...I appreciate your concern, and I know you're worried.  But I am educating myself and I need to approach this in a way that's right for me.  Please let me do what I need to do.  The best thing you can do for me is to just give your unconditional support no matter what I decide to do."

It's tough, but worth it.