Still awful down folks, sorry

Well hell can only be the words to describe how I felt today.
Two weeks and two days home and not one visit from a family member.
I was lounging out on the road at 6am, yes I dont have a garden and I was sitting in a lounger behind my car when a neighbour, an alcoholic came over and engaged me in conversation, none of which I heard cos I didnt have hearing aids in, all I wanted was the air on my face.
I came in.
A big walk for me by the sea, it was cold so I walk better then and my one centimetre lift on my left shoe makes a remarkable difference. I discovered I had a two centimeter short leg! I am to get a further three quarters of a lift on later.
Went to shops for retail theraphy not great with rollator when everyting crammed together.
Met my nephews partner going in.
Picked up all my plants from being baby sat! Seemed hundreds of them. Couldnt return one of them to a shelf where it stood before London, it too heavy and I got a shock.
Wrist in brace now for a few days and is agony and I cant move it with the pain.
I then went to do a shop for a neighbour, a paranoid schizophrenic.
And then went to a woman selling something on a cheap site on the net only to leave my bag there, she was a girl whom I used to work with, I didnt know that until I got to her house, and she has married into money, palatial abode, she told me I could have the frames and clock for nothing as she was 'giving them to charity anyway' and she proceeded to tell me that a friend of hers died not much older than I of Lupus, and I just been more or less diagnosed with it.
Another friend called when I got back to drive me back to this work colleague to get bag and the paranoid schizophrenic saw me go and rang on my mobile to say "something weird is going on, my friend I was talking to when you left was also called Anne and also had Lupus and there is a conspiracy going on and you left in a hurry." This woman is a *** and her xlover failed to tell her she was in another relationship.
God preserve me, I think I will stick to chihuahuas, honest, I really, really do.
I dont understand human beings. I cant even come to a near close understanding of them, can anyone here? Neither do I understand schizophrenia, she landed on my street a few years ago and has been screaming these past few days out there and I go and sit with her and hold her hand. I dont know why the doctors leave her in the throes of such extreme paranoia she is in, she isnt always like this.
xxAnn

Gosh, Ann, so sorry such a rotten day. I fell on my face today, my leg just didn't work. Wouldn't it be great if lupus gave you nice suprises, like one day you wake up with bigger ha-has, the next day, less wrinkles, the next week you lose weight or gain weight to achieve the perfect body, in a month, all your gray goes away and your hair is naturally beautiful, thick, and shiny, then maybe after a few years your skin has a wonderful glow, your body is perfect and more healthy than ever, you meet prince charming and then HE ruins it all, but at least you had those few good days/weeks, whatever. Reverse lupus. Maybe someday they will find the magic potion, I hope soon.

My chihuahuas are definitely better company than most people. I avoid people and live in the country with lots of critters. My idea of a conversation these days is trying to get the mockingbird to mimic me.

I hope tonight and tomorrow are better. You are a dear to help the schizophrenic woman. Please be careful with that.

Ann--
I understand completely. I was homeless for three years waiting for disability and my sister wouldn't let me stay in the empty house that she owned by stealing my half ownership/inheritance to it and throwing my parents out. My mother would sneak me into the house and let me stay and she would have the neighbors call the real estate agent on me and I was even awakened by the police. She paid a woman to clean the house through my mother, who gave me the money and I did the work without my sister's knowledge. I apparently was not good enough to even clean it. In the end, her and her husband forced my mom out by making her life miserable every day (she had a lifetime lease to the property) and my mother was so hurt and didn't want to sacrifice the relationship with my sister (her daughter) that she moved out into a really bad trailer park (upon seeing which, my sister remarked "how can you stand living here? it such an embarassment. I never thought MY mother would live in a trailer."). My mother lives on $600/month social security before deductions for medicare and is only eligible for 10 dollars of food stamps. Its disgusting. She moved in with her boyfriend, who has become kind of abusive, but what can she do.

Anyway, my sister and her husband sold the property at a huge profit (about 600,000 profit) and gave nothing to me or my parents, no reimbursement for my mom's lifetime lease or my inheritance. She remarked to my father, who was disgusted, "just consider it a contribution to my kids college fund". Meanwhile, I was homeless living in my dad's boat, which is not glamourous, with my minor son, who does not have a college fund. My dad said to my sister, "what about my other grandkids college funds?" My sister hung up in anger. She is a devout Catholic and does missionary work and is a nurse who works with AIDs and HIV pregnant women at the time.

Well fate caught up with her. Her husband took the profit from the house and mortgaged their house to the hilt and bought and refurbished a condo in Costa Rica, then told her that he'd been seeing another woman with another child. He drained all their assets, bankrupted all his businesses which she sat on the board of directors for, and left her with a huge mortgaged house, no money, and their sixteen year old daughter. He stopped paying for his college age kids college and living expenses and filed for an annullment so he could still attend the same Catholic church, where he bad mouthed her successfully to everyone there. I believe she left.

Disgustingly, my parents pitied my sister and ran to her defense, though I was still homeless with my minor child and very ill with lupus. My sister's actions impact on me was largely unnoticed. I was to blame for my situation. My parents were supposed to file for my private disability from work, which would have paid me 100,000 for two years and half that for a few more and then 25 or 30 pct for the rest of my life. They were too busy with "social obligations" to get the paperwork in and I was too sick to do it myself. So really, my bankruptcy, foreclosure, and homelessness where in some ways their doing.

Humans do not surprise me. My chihuahua is laying on her back in bed, with the covers around her chest and paws curled over them like a person, watching me type this. She's amazing. These little dogs are so bright and human like. My main girl, Goldie, uses her eyes to talk to me, looks at me then the door or window to go out. And if I don't understand what she wants, she presses her forehead against mine and thinks real hard, as if she is trying somehow to get that thought from her head to mine.

Well, I hope things get better. If your sis is stressful and the other woman, I would avoid them when possible. That's been my strategy and it has worked out okay. If they wonder why you are being politely distant, then you can breach the unfairness if you want, or otherwise, just make an excuse. I just say I've been really tired.

You have so much to deal with, I think you are amazing, doing all you do and having such an active life and helping others who fall through the cracks in such a personal way. I love London, and miss it, though people can be cold compared to the southern United States, where everyone is so so friendly. I understand it is becoming more like the US in a bad way every day, less help for all people, less of a feeling of responsibilty on the part of the government for the welfare and care of the people and less restraints. You are in the UK, right?

Well, take care and I hope you feel better. My little heating pad (Goldie) is waiting for me to pet her. I want to post pictures somewhere, she is so funny looking. She's like an extension of me. I'm sure you feel the same way about your little sweeties.

First for Marji,
Your story is horrendous marji, you are very brave to put pen to paper. How can people be so cruel.
No I cannot understand it.
I am gonna put my email on my profile, feel free to correspond etc and send pics of chihuahuas and stuff, I love all that, I really would.
I get very lonesome too.
I know my chihuahua is a right BRAT, but I adore her to bits!
Oh crumbs, this next part is for the 40yr old woman also with a chihuahua and I have just forgotten her name 5 secs after reading.
I love it went my chi bolts for the bed. I have put a wee stool there so she is more like a goat, a run, skip and jump goat/chi, it is so funny.
Oh Marji and 40 (!) are your chis' well behaved in the potty department? mine isnt, I am sure she does it on purpose, she KNOWS she does wrong, she runs and hids immediately I discover poo or pee and when she does it on the training mat she goes all fluffed up like a birdie!!!
I adore her, she makes my heart swell.
Marji and 40 take heart, I get atrociously upset I'm so ill and feel its all unfair. Some days are better but things will never be the same I dont think.
today I am content.
xx Ann
er 40, I am going to check your name and I promise I wont forget it again!
Yes, 40 you are only a kiddo, I am 55!

He is doing well, aside from scaring the crud out of me. His metabolic tests came back okay but last night he ate 2oz of formula in about 5 minutes and promptly threw it ALL back up. I know it was likely from eating too fast but it brings back too many memories and I plan to bring in the specialists just to be safe. After all, they never could figure out exactly what metabolic issue was the problem and the medical examiner said some are issues with nerve conductivity. Either way I figure we have insurance so they can pay for my peace of mind since we give them half hubby's paycheck.

Oh, bruiser? Actually at 6lbs 8ozs the nurses who saw him the first few days said he looked like a 5lber. He still doesn't fit clothes over 0-6lbs range.

Marji
See my profile as to how to contact me, I am editing it for you AND others who would like to contact with pics etc.
I have done this now, you and Ginny have spurred me on to do so, as I already email Ginny at times. Don't think (so far) that Ginny finds me a pest!!!!
Thanks for info on the potty, my chi sends me Potty. When I got her I took her out every time my older, now deceased dog went out and the old dog peed and pooed immediately. I thought Ana would copy by example, NOOOOO!
I dont have a yard at all, only a road.
Ana WILL NOT pee or do nothin on the road, she will only do it on grass or the pad.
She isnt really messy for I have a small flat and she only produces little!!!!
I think she kinda confused cos she came from the country, doesnt understand concrete.

Past week she has been great, cos I can get to grass and she is out walking near other dogs too.
xxAnn