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Posted 4/14/2009 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everybody.  How was everyone's Easter?  Hope it was wonderful.  I had a nice easter dinner w/the family.  Really enjoyed it.

I'm hoping ya'll can help me out a little bit here by sharing your thoughts and/or your own experiences.  I have been really down and depressed lately.  It has gotten really bad since I have found out that I had lupus.  I was dx in Sept. 2008 and have had a really hard time learning to deal with it.  I have my good days and bad days.  I am normally a very cheerful person, always smiling and trying to look at the brighter side of any given situation.  But these past couple of months I haven't been the same woman.  Everything just seems to be going down hill.  I know people get depressed sometimes, its a natural part of life.  But I have gotten myself in this slump and I just can't seem to get out of it.  I hate to even admit to ANYBODY that I'm depressed.  My best friend and I have talked about it quite a bit and she thinks I should go talk to my dr. and that he could prescribe me something.  She understands about depression because it has ran in her family and she actually had been put on medication for it before and she said it helped her tremendously.  Its just such and embarrassment to me to have to admit that I guess.  I've never cried over so many things in all my life.  I can be fine one minute then just get really down the next.  I've also been dreading summer coming around.  It hasn't been bad trying to learn what I can and cannot do since I have lupus since its been colder weather, not as much sun.  I am very very sensitive to the sun and my butterfly rash is actually already coming out, my nose is so red.  And I can just be out in the sun for a few just a very short period of time.  Just minutes.  And when people make comments about my face being red it just really gets to me...which they just think i've gotten sunburnt...not realizing that it is my lupus.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.  I think i'm going to set up an appt. w/my dr. and talk about it.  This just isn't normal for me to be feeling this way.  And my bestie said she will be right there by my said if I wanted to go in to the dr. and talk about it.  Which I lover her to death for that.

Red

 

Posted 4/14/2009 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
It's pretty much a given that coming to terms with a chronic disease creates depression. I can't remember if this is one of the side effects of either the disease or the medications, but pretty much all of us (lupies) get some depression. Some people take meds for it for a short time, others need medical support longer term, some lupies (I bet those with a lot of family support) don't need medical assistance at all. I won't mention any particular medication because they react differently for each person, so what works for me may not work for you. Some rheumies go ahead and treat depression themselves, others will refer you out either to a head dr (who prescribes) or a therapist (who specializes in helping people w/chronic illness learn coping mechanisms). PS. Just found a better phrase than 'chronic illness', which sounds like we're losers. 'Chronic health challenge', which sounds like we can WIN! Hope things improve soon,
Posted 4/14/2009 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
I am much like you in that I have always been upbeat and not ever down for long...had never really been depressed, just typical 'blues' over situations..until Lupus became my companion. Some professionals believes it's actually a component of the disease, while others believe it's a result of the life changning effects of the disease.

When I felt like I was getting 'too depressed', my thoughts were so negative and black and out of the ordinary for me I, with the encouragement of friends and family discussed it with my doc. Turns out, I had cerebritis, or brain inflammation, from the lupus. I was pulsed with steroids and given a mild antidepressant for a short period of time and got much better.

Long story short, I really think you should discuss this with your doc asap! Your mental/emotional health impacts your physical health greatly in my opinion. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Know right were you are. Keep us posted. Judy
Posted 4/14/2009 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much! I really would like to get back to my normal, happy self. I know some family members are noticing too because it seems i'm hearing more frequently "is anything wrong? Is everything okay?"
Its just a subject that is hard for me to discuss. I think one reason, too, is I kinda think people will think, well what in the world do you have to be depressed about? But I truly know that my family and friends won't think that and they will support 100% and will always be there for me whenever I need them and no matter what the situation. But In a sense I also don't want them to feel sorry for me....I dunno, sound confusing?

I definately think talking to my dr. about it will be a step towards getting better. I really hate to get put on another medication but if it helps my well-being, right now I'm all for it. I can just wish for the best outcome and try to be as strong as I can be. Even though it may be hard for me to go through.
Posted 4/14/2009 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
OKay, to try and be a little more upbeat...a friend of mine has been texting me this morning asking me if I go to the tanning bed. I told him, no I can't. Well of course he asked why. And I just told him that I had lupus.
Well he wrote me back and said Lupus? That sounds like a name of a dog.

LOL, Okay, I just thought that was cute and funny. He's always joking about everything. Gotta love him. haha just wanted to share that with ya'll. ;)
Posted 4/14/2009 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
I have not achieved a diagnosis yet but am still in a flare and just got over being depressed. My flare has eased up slightly so maybe thats why. I totally know what you are going through and keep praying and having faith. I am trying to wait it out as I have been going to drs since sept when the symptoms really started. It really all started though at 15 when I had 2 seizures. I am 21 now and its finally coming up in blood too. I got 2 positive anas one of which was high so Im going to see a specialist a few hours away because i live in a small town where the drs dont know much about it lol A friend was diagnosed back in oct but had to travel out of town too after 3 drs told her she was fine. One of the same drs who told me that in fact. He said having a heart murmur and being double jointed can cause a lot of weird symptoms. RIGHT! lol well I just want you to know I am in the same boat almost and know how you feel :) Im here anytime you need a friend! -Brittanee
Posted 4/14/2009 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Ashley! I too am always upbeat and happy! So it is definatly noticable when I become depressed. I don't know what bothers me more being depressed or people asking if I am ok. i know they mean well but when they ask if I am okay it reminds me I am depressed and i get even more emotional! There was a short time after I was diagnosed, after I got out of the denial part, that I had to be put on depression meds. They helped so much. Then I switched doctors and they wanted to see if I still needed them and took me off them. I am not back on them and so far I am good.  I hope you can get in with your doctor soon so you can get something figured out. I know it is no fun feeling the way you are feeling! Remember that we are here for you :-)!
Posted 4/15/2009 11:55 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Red, I hear your heart and in truth can relate very well. I too have always been an upbeat encourager, but certainly dealing with this disease has changed me. There is a grief process I think, when it comes to accept a disease. I also know that when I have inflamation I weep more. I started counseling several months ago, just to balance things out a little. The poor woman is so empathetic, that she gets tears in her eyes :-) . This helps me, because it allows me to grieve what I have lost. I used to be a hard worker and made "Outstanding Woman of the Year" in my community. Now I am just trying to keep my job. I once heard a woman say, "The only wrong way to grieve, is not to grieve at all. " Maybe that's what we have to do to get to acceptance. You're in my thoughts and prayers today. 

Tammy 

Posted 4/15/2009 1:39 PM (GMT 0)
Its really good to hear from others that have went through the same thing, not that I want to hear that you have of course. But it does help to have some support from someone who understands. I'm hoping if I get put on meds that it will help and hopefully I won't have to stay on them for a real long period of time.
Yesterday wasn't a real good day for me. I didn't think I was going to make it through work. I got sooo so tired. Even a little stack of papers on my desk felt so heavy to pick up to put away. I just didn't want to move. So I slept all evening yesterday from the time I got home, about 6:30 and woke up around 10:00ish for about 20 minutes then went back to bed again. I've been having pain in my legs and a little in my ankles, like a deep pain in the bone or something. It comes and goes. I think it was worrying my mom. She kept asking if something was wrong and I just kept telling her, no...I just need to sleep and i'm sore. And yesterday was my birthday, 25, and I didn't have energy to do anything. My mom had fixed dinner and I couldn't even eat because I went straight to bed when I got home. This was the first time my mom had actually seen me get this way because I had been staying at my dad's house. And he knows how tired I get and how I ache sometimes and he knows I need to rest. He always tells me not to overdo it. Make sure I get some rest. So I think this really worried my mom. It will just take some gettin' used to.
Posted 4/15/2009 2:29 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Red, When I go to the dr and he asked if I was depressed I told him yes. He said what are you depressed about? I said well doc pull up a chair How much time you got? tongue You're right we all get depressed. This crappy disease reminds us all the time that while we may be the same person we used to be we can't always do the same things we enjoyed before. Or just running to the store can be life changing experience. It stinks it's a raw deal. But I figure if it's messing with me it's leaving someone else alone. People with chronic illnesses don't give themself enough credit. You're one tough cookie to be handling this as well as you are and you will learn little tricks along the way on how to get the most out of the good days and then on the bad days look at it this way........If ya can't make supper or wash dishes you get into your emergency list of phone numbers and pick out which pizza place sounds the best. yeah

You know with easter, your b-day, we just got through christmas a few months ago there are alot of folks out there that are feeling pretty crummy and they don't even have lupus.

You know somtimes I think I would feel better living alone. I live with my bro and SIL and when I see them pop out of their chair and take off to who knows where it makes me depressed. We are all pretty much the same age and I couldn't even begin to do what they do. I have to make an appt; with a physchiatrist this month because they are doing a transplant work up and want to know I won't flip out. turn . I think it willl actually do me some good to talk to them. I expect when we are done the poor guy/woman will need their own dr.

Hun all I can say is if you beleive  in God rejoice in the good days and make the most of them and on the bad days remember he will never leave you. Plus you got all of us and we aren't going anywhere. I couldn't get by without all my friends here.

anyway I guess I should let you go. I look forward to getting to know you better

hugs

Posted 4/15/2009 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ashley, Most of us have the same problems, I know what you mean when you can't pick anything up even paper. I was like that my whole body ache, when I work I didn't think I would make the whole day horriable feeling. Lupus and depression seem to go together among other stuff. Once you are put on the right med. you should feel better it takes time to digest everthing what is going on with you and your body. Mom's tend to worry alot when their child is not feeling well. Happy Birthday. Hope you feel better soon. Take Care!!
Debbie
Posted 4/15/2009 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Okie, I know what you mean when you say you see them taking off and doing this and doing that and its so much harder for us to just get up and go. And Yes, i do believe to God and talk to him often. I haven't been to church in such a long time though and I went w/my mom on Easter. She goes every Sunday and I am going to start going w/her. I have really missed it and need to go. I'm not as close to God as I should be. So I am really excited about starting up again. And, that means more quality time I get to spend with my mom. Her and my uncle always get up and sing and she has been bugging me to start practicing w/them so I can sing w/her. I get very shy doing that though but I la la love to sing!!!!

Thanks to everybody for talking w/me about this...it has helped me out a lot. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's posts and getting to know everybody. I do see that some of you here are just about the same age as me.
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