flaring from stress

I am flaring from stress. As anyone who read my last post knows I have major stress going on in my life. I really need to find a way to relax. Anyone have any ideas how I can go about relaxing because I really don't know myself. I can't take a bath and soak our tub is too small. I can't find anything I want to read. I have no relaxing hobbies. Basically I have forgotten how to relax. My neck and shoulders are so tense the muscle feels like bone. My joints are stiff and swollen. I am tired constantly despite provigil. I feel like crud.

On a positive note the hearing for getting Alexander back has been set for June 29th. He has the test for osteogenesis imperfecta next week on Thursday, his birthday is next Friday. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by or how slow the time since he was taken has gone. I want my son back, I didn't hurt him and my husband didn't hurt him. Why can't they see that? He doesn't act like an abused child. He is open and trusting and happy and always glad to see us. I hate this but I understand why they have to be careful. It just seems like they could spend 5 minutes with him and know he isn't abused. Well, I will get off my soap box and end this before I get angry again.

the test is the 7th and they have to take a piece of bone to biopsy. it will not be fun for him and they won't let me be there.

Hi Redrose Sorry to hear about all thats going on in your life. I find yoga and mediationa great form of relaxing. My compulsory dose is once a week and it works

Honey

Thanks everyone. I am going to try a few of your suggestions. I already see a psychiatrist so therapy is taken care of. I can't cry it out because crying gives me a migraine but I would love to try that one cause that is what I feel like doing. Oh well, I guess I have to adapt everything to what I am capable of doing. I am so sick of modifying everything to things I am capable of.

RR,
Hopefully I am not too late and you will get a chance to read this. I am the queen of relaxing (because for a loooong time I didn't). Here is a great way to start- find a tv show or movie or cartoon whatever, that you used to watch as a kid or in a happy part of your life. The older the better. Something that you haven't seen forever. I like to go to youtube and watch old clips that I couldn't even remember that I'd forgotten. Usually these are things that are simple and don't require anything but for me to enjoy them. Since they are clips I can make this time as long or as short as I want depending on how much time I have. I just bought an iPhone so I can even sneak something in on break from work if that's the cause (which it usually is). Because it is 100% mindless and enjoyable I can not think for awhile and just smile. I also download a bunch of silly songs that I just like to listen to (I'm 35 but I love 50's, 60's and 70's) like Harper Valley PTA- so funny and strong. Or the theme song from George of the Jungle. It doesn't take a lot of brain power to laugh but it feels good to NOT think. Now might not be fun or happy, but sometime in the past was and in the future will be again.

I journal as a means of staying sane. I will try meditation though. I found a mindless cartoon to watch when I am awake at the right time. I may need to search u-tube. I just finished dealing with changing my address with everyone and their brother, plus big brother aka SSA. I finally had a bath after years without a tub I could bathe in. Our new place has a tub big enough for 2 skinny people or 1 fat person with extra room. ;) I am very pleased about it. We still have a lot of moving to do. We celebrate Alexander's birthday with him tonight. I got him cupcakes and several presents but he only gets 1 present tonight. The rest have to wait until he is home.

Alexander is 1 now. He didn't really like his cupcake- I don't blame him I didn't have time to make them myself so they were store bought. I don't have a camera at the moment and refuse to buy another cause the police took mine and our computers trying to find evidence we abused our son. They won't find any evidence of abuse because we didn't and don't abuse him- after all I risked to have him and all the tragedy in my past like h#ll I am going to let anyone hurt my baby. I would take a baseball bat to anyone who dared to hurt him. I don't care if I went to jail the person who hurt him would be 100 times worse than anything they could do to my baby when I finished with them. But I digress, since I know his getting hurt was an accident and likely caused by a serious medical issue I won't be taking a baseball bat to anyone in the forseeable future. My stress levels are evening out which is good. Our move is going well, though slower than I hoped. I really wanted to be 90% done by now but we are more 50% done. Ah well, we are doing our best and will be moved by Sunday evening. Even better we are fairly organized at the new place. That means that things will be neat and clean when the move is over instead of a cluttered mess.

I hope the faeries move with us, our new place is much more friendly. The gloom of the place we are still at until this weekend adds to my mood. The rain doesn't help any either.

Hi redrose. Sorry to here about Alexander's biopsy and possible illness. I missed a chapter here, but know what you are going through. It's so hard when you are sick and not rich. I'm glad he's coming home and I could spew what I think about some of the idiots in the govt but its not very calming. You are right to get past it. I nearly lost my son because I was a single mom and my son got suddenly sick with a swollen neck and I took him to the ER. They wanted to know why Ididn't take him earlier. I told them I took him right away, that his neck swelled up really fast. They didn't believe me and I pulled out a bottle of penicillin liquid dated that day and told them they could call my local clinic because my son had just seen his pediatrician two hours earlier and had no such symptoms.

They didn't care, called social services, put my son in intensive care, gave him loads of iv antibiotics and he got so bad he had to be intubated and nearly died. Allthe time some rich social worker who went to wellesley college and wore huge diamonds and had never had children, was grilling me to the point I called allmy friends and family, who finally flew in. When they topped the antibiotics, they had to, he was gettng worse, all the sudden he started getting well immediately.

The ENT doc, who promised that he'd remove my sons tonsils when he got well, refused to do so, claimingthat it was a one in a million problem, he had no diagnosis still for it, but it would never happen again.

A month later, at my mom's my son got another ear infection. She took him to the doc, who gave him penicillin. In two hours he was in the emergency room of the country hospital, where they figured out that he was allergic to penicillin.

My son has permanent damage from this malpractice by Mass Eye and Ear, he has epilepsy, a common result of penicillin allergy suffered and also from the intubation and respirator not getting adequate oxygen to him.

I was treated like dog snot. I was accused of not gettng medical care for my son, when, if anything, perhaps he got too much care. I was threatened, intimidated, and if my parents hadn't laid down the law with the worker, they probably would have taken my child away and killed him in the hospital.

I hate the doc to this day who hurt my son, he was so arrogant, and so ignorant. I know I should forgive, but since I had no chance to sue, I have a lot of hatred I'm trying to work through. They always call social services and attack the parents when they commit malpractice because they figure if you are being attacked, you won't go after the hospital and doctor and notice how they are screwing up. And if you do object, the social workers use it as grounds to try to say you are unfit. It's so disgusting.

I fully feel for you, Redrose, and I know how hard it is without having that big old family support that other people have, esp. the grandparents. I'm so glad you are handling this sanely and am so sorry you and Alexander had to go through all you have had to go through.

Thanks Marji, I love how it is guilty until proven innocent and that due process of law does not apply to these kinds of cases. We got really lucky and got the best lawyers in the state for this kind of case and they say we can win. Since we have already done everything they asked us to we should get him back as soon as the judge realizes that there is no case only conjecture and speculation. I have this worker who is younger than me and doesn't have kids who looks at me and sees fat and poor and assumes bad parent. I have no outside support because my family is too far away. What I do have is in-laws who want constant updates and bit#h at us incessantly.

Pat, thanks I hope it isn't too much too of course hubby isn't letting me do much. The biggest thing I am to do now is go through all my books and pick some to get rid of. I hate to get rid of books but I have thousands so it is only fair since hubby is getting rid of most of his stuff.