Pain in Hands and Feet, Deformity in Fingers

Hello!

Newbie here.    I was diagnosed with SLE a couple of months ago and osteoarthritis 9 years ago.  I've had a bad pain in my hands and feet for over a year now, a throbbing pain so bad it wakes me up 5-10 times a night.  My fingers are starting to curve, away from the thumb side and toward the pinkie side.  I have a hard time opening jars and bottles, also skinny pens are hard to hold.  My job is computer-based, so my hands are my living!

I take 400 mg of Plaquenil daily, as well as Celebrex and 20mg Prednisone.

• Do any of you struggle with hand and foot pain? 
• Most of us have learned to live with low to mid levels of constant joint pain; how do you handle a sudden increase in your pain levels?  It's taken me almost a year, and I still haven't totally gotten used to this new level of hurting.  I'm interested in suggestions on how to distract yourself, also any home remedies or such that work for you.
• I'm curious how you handle discussing your pain levels with your family.  Is it better to gloss things over or to tell the absolute truth?  When I try to talk with my mother about my joint pain, it upsets her and then I feel guilty for not just 'soldiering on'.  My mother is in her seventies and I hate to do anything to distress her.
• Final thing.  Working up my nerve to ask my rheumatologist if these deformities are permanent (appointment is in 2 weeks).  Do you have any experience you could share with me?

Thank you in advance!  I don't know anyone else with SLE, so I'd appreciate your thoughts.