Well I've gotten thru this week

Well I've managed to have several appointments this week, but have a totally free day tomorrow YAY!!

Today, I went to the Dr and they removed my cast and checked my skin and felt how my ruptured tendons are doing. Dr said the tendons feel as if they are starting to become intact again, and agreed to allow them to lift my foot upwards more towards a 90 degree angle, not totally there but better than before. The bad part was they had pulled my foot downward and the cast was pinching my big and little toes. They are red, swollen, black, and blue. The underside of my little toe is numb on the ball of the foot.

The big other bummer was when the corpsman was cutting the cast off he went to deep and nicked me. I jumped and he said "it's not sharp enough to cut you", well once the cast was off guess what? He did manage to cut me right over my ankle bone. I'll wear this cast for another 2 weeks and go back for another check and will find out then if I need another 2 weeks in a cast or if I can go into a boot.

I'm hoping and praying for the boot. As on the 25th of September I'm going to be having some I guess not minor but no where near major GYN surgery. It would be very very helpful to be in a boot at that point instead of a cast. I will have to spend the night in the hospital for the surgery, but if all goes well and they can control my bleeding alright I should come home the next day.

I managed to complete my PT appointments, but, my right Achilles Tendonitis is worsening as I'm putting more strain on it. With my left tendons ruptured and needing the cast and crutches, my poor other foot and back are now in terrible shape. skull skull

I managed to get into see my therapist and have to admit I had a total melt down in her office yesterday. I guess things are just beginning to feel overwhelming to me and it just bubbled right over. She managed to calm me down and allowed me to vent it all out w/o her freaking out and admitting me to the nearest mental health inpatient ward.

I was also able to see my pulmonologist yesterday. That didn't go as well as I had hoped for. She did confirm that I do have a mass in both lungs up at the tops of them. She thinks it may be pneumonia, but, I'm having zero symptoms of pneumonia. So, her game plan is this, since I'm at high risk of lung cancer due to being exposed to VERY HEAVY 2nd hand smoke until I was 20. Then also having NO immune system puts me in the High Risk category, plus already having leukemia. I'm to have a PET/CT the first week of November and then see her again.

If I were to get worse or become ill with symptoms of pneumonia I'm to call ASAP. If nothing changes I'm to have the PET/CT scan, if the masses are still there and haven't gotten smaller, then the plan will be to do a lung biopsy of each mass in each lung. Once that is done, depending on how she feels the report is, I stand a pretty good chance of her requesting the surgeon to go ahead and remove the masses anyway from my lungs.

I'm really not sure how I'm feeling about all of this. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is IF it is pneumonia, why aren't they treating it with antibiotics? Also, if she's gonna most likely have them remove the masses, why put me thru the biopsy? She doesn't know that I"m totally unwilling to do the biopsy w/o them giving me general anesthesia. I have spent time in the ICU on a vent and I just can't go thru this procedure with sedation. I just physically and emotionally CAN'T HANDLE another invasive test period. My PCM is aware of how I feel and she said I'm not going to tell your pulmonary Dr you said that. I think I'm going to have a battle ahead of me.

I have to say that I'm really struggling with things right now. I've got a TON of issues going on at home, poor Lynnwood was dumped on by me today via the phone. Lynn I'm sorry I kept you on the phone so long and I really shouldn't have let it all out. Please forgive me, I'm just feeling so alone and like such a HUGE BURDEN on my family right now. Then pile all the health related stuff on top I feel as if I'm going to have a total nervous break down period.

I can't help but blame this stupid disease for all of my woes now. I'm ALWAYS second guessing myself about taking the drugs I have to try to treat this disease. Did it help my lupus no way, did it cause my leukemia and now possible lung issue, quite possibly. Was it worth it I'm thinking it wasn't. It's really hard right now not to think that it's just easier to throw my hands up and cry UNCLE. I just feel so overwhelmed I can't do one more test or procedure. I can't handle one more issue or problem at home, I just want to run away to a tropical island by myself and just be.

Anyway, that's the update on me I've got thru the first two weeks of having this dreaded cast on my foot and am so looking forward to getting it off and as fast as possible. I just hope that I don't rupture my other foots tendon and that my back doesn't totally give out on me before I'm well.

Take care and have a good night.

Hugs,
Barbara

No problems, Barbara, just sorry my phone battery started beeping at us. Hope today is a better day!

And Couchtater - if I'm going to run away to an island, I'd rather it be a tropical island populated with service people to provide food, massage, and other great services!!

I hope you feel better today. I understand how you feel. My life this year has been filled with dx after dx. sending good thoughts and prayers.

Hi Joy, Lynnwood, Laura, Teddtlove, and Moxiesbuddy:

Thanks all for your continued support. I know that if I didn't have you all, I'd really feel in a deep, dark place. I managed to go out with hubby yesterday afternoon. That was my first trip outside of the my home or the Dr's office or therapy. I was going a bit stir crazy I think.

We didn't do a lot, just went to Target and then to the commissary to shop for groceries. It was nice to get out and away from the house though. I hurt so darn bad though I'm not sleeping well at night. I was up until 3:30 this morning and then my cat had me up at 6:30 to feed him. He then decided at about 8:45 I just plain and simple needed to get up with him.

Needless, to say I'm really tired today. I know I didn't get enough sleep, I'm hoping to be able to have a shower later and maybe read some and go to bed early tonight. I have PT on Tuesday and Thursday, and I do my medical clearance for my upcoming surgery on this Thursday. My surgery date is the 25th of September. Have to say I'm still hurting real bad. My left arm all around my elbow is sore as heck. My back is a total mess and they don't know what it take to fix the darn thing.

Very frustrated that I really can't go out about anymore. It's hard to get out of the house with crutches. I'm worried as is hubby that I'm going to fall going down the front step to the sidewalk. He's afraid I'm going to "face plant" while stepping down and break my nose or something.

Laura I would love to talk with you anytime. Yep, the time difference is there but that's ok for me. My email address is listed in my profile. If you'd go to my profile and get my email address and send me an email. I'll be more than happy to send you my phone number.

I hope you all have had a good, safe, pain free, happy, and feeling well kind of weekend. Please take care and be good to yourselves during the week. Make sure you rest and listen to your bodies. Have a good week and I'll keep you updated once I know more.

Hugs,
Barbara

You know you need to go to the ER when you're too sick to go, Barbara.

Please let us know how you're doing in the morning.

Hey Joy and Lynnwood:

I managed to fall asleep around 4:30 this morning and was up at 6:30. I'm kinda dragging by now, I really haven't felt well at all today. I had PT at 1:00 this afternoon, and while I was up getting dressed I noticed that I started wheezing, I was sweating so badly that my hair looked I had just washed it, and I was really short of breath. I went on to PT as I have to give 24 hr notice prior to canceling the appt.

Of course, getting out to the car and getting to PT I was in the exact same condition as I was getting ready. Repeated it on the way home, still feeling really crummy. I did call and leave a message for my Dr but they are allowed 24/72 hours to return my call. Since she's only in the clinic one day a week, I'm guessing I won't hear from her until Thursday. So, I'm going to email my pulmonary doc just before I go to bed. Hopefully, she'll call or email me right away first thing tomorrow.

It may not be pneumonia that's affecting me but my hemoglobin may be so low that I'm having the more serious side effects of anemia and may require a blood transfusion again. I swear I'm a vampire and all I do is get blood LOL Hubby commented awhile ago that my eyes are are swollen and very dark all the way around them, major dark circle underneath. I just don't feel well, I don't know, but I think it's the leukemia that's causing issues for me right now. Since my leukemia can't be cured I'm really not sure what they can do for me, except give me blood when I need it and help boost both red and white blood cell counts.

My oxygen levels are low tonight been sitting in the same position for at least 45 minutes and my heart rate is 125 and my o2 level is 88%. Those aren't good stats, since I just took those, I'm now really leaning towards I think I need some blood. I'm due to see a Dr on Thursday morning, I'm supposed to get lab work done and a chest x-ray 2 hrs prior to seeing the Dr. He/she is suppose to clear me for my surgery on the 25th. Guess I'll see what my pulmonary doc has to say first, if she responds tomorrow. She's allowed the same amount of time as my other doc so who knows when I'll talk to a doctor.

Other than that everything is the same here. Hope you both had a good day and didn't have to much pain. I hope that you can sleep tonight. I think I'm gonna try to go on to bed and rest for the rest of the night.

Hugs,
Barbara

Barb,

Had to come over here and read your latest, not sounding so good, more and more being piled up on you, don't know how you handle it sometime.

Somehow, I hope you can have a somewhat decent night, will check with you tomorrow.

David

Just a quick update I'm going into see the Doctor in the morning. My regular Doctor hasn't returned my phone call, I really didn't expect to hear from her yet. However, I did call my pulmonary Doctor this morning, she phoned around 2pm. Told her I was to be seen tomorrow for a clearance for surgery.

She said keep the appointment and then come to her clinic before 2pm. She's leaving for a meeting at that time. She's been caring for me since 2006 so she knows my history well. She thinks that my anemia is so bad that my hemoglobin is most likely down in the low 8"s or high 7's.

If that's not the case, she'll want to look at the chest x-ray that will be done, and look at my WBC too. She also mentioned that I'm always having issues with percardial effusions and I may have one that's big enough to cause me some serious issues. So, will see what happens tomorrow, I trust her and I know she will get a hold of whomever I need to treat what's going on.

I'm taking my iPad with me so I'll be able to put in a post in case I'm admitted. Hope you are all well and doing fine. I'll have to be on the road early and who knows what time I'll be home.

Hugs,
Barbara