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Little to No libido for months and months

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Posted 10/14/2007 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
I saw my endocrinologist Friday and talked to him about my nonexisting libido.  I am not sure if this is due to my meds or the fact that I am perimenopausal or what - but I have the most wonderful husband in the world and we have to most wonderful marriage and I want to be intimate with him but I just don't seem to have any desire.  My dr gave me 3 viagra tablets and told me to take 1 tablet an hour before we do anything - but first of all - I can't seem to plan anything an hour ahead of time.  You know?  Also, this is a drug typically for men and so I am not sure how this will really help me.  He told me it is not going to help my libido but "may help for the moment".  He is doing a lot of blood work and then may put me on Wellbutrin or testosterone - but I don't thnk my testosterone levels have ever been low.  He said that Wellbutrin has been shown to help women's libidos overall.  This one sounds a bit more promising - but I need to get bloodwork back before getting on it.  Have ANY of you ever dealt with this issue or these meds?  

Sincerely asking,

~Laurie

Posted 10/14/2007 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Laurie,

 

You are NOT alone in this one.  You'll get a lot of responses.  I have the libido of a gnat. I'm assuming gnats have no libido, zippo, nada, zilch. Whatever has NO libido, I'm like it...LOL.

 

It drives me crazy.  I too, have a wonderful hubby who I adore and find sexy! I just have no desire or want, for sex.  We have sex maybe once a week, if he's lucky.  Sometimes we'll go a month between a limbo between the sheets.  It's frustrating for him, and even more so for me.  He's very understanding and loving and thank goodness for that!

 

I have had my hormones checked and my testosterone is fine too.  I'm all good in the hormone department.  My gyno did say that lupus itself will cause a lack of drive.  Our meds will cause little to no ***oral sensation.  Also, if you have fibromyalgia, intercourse can be a lot more painful.  That soft tissue pain is brutal for me when I'm in a flare up.  So that contributes too.  Also, if you're just plain tired, exhausted, worn out.  Who wants to exert anything when you feel like that!

 

So try not to be hard on yourself with this.  Give that Viagra a try, although, I'm with you on this one.  Not sure how it helps a woman out! Let us know if the Wellbutruin works!

Ginny 

Posted 10/14/2007 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Laurie,

 

The computer editted one of my words with ****'s.  Word starts with a C, l, i, t, oral.  There.  Said it.  Hehe.....

Posted 10/14/2007 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Laurie:

I understand how you feel. My husband and I have NO intimate relationship at this time. I'm just to to tired and sick. We've been married 22 years and I can say that we've gone months at a time w/o enjoying each other. Talk things over with your hubby, I think if they can understand that it's not them that we're avoiding but rather the pain, energy, etc. to be with them that we're avoiding. I hope that the viagra works for you and I wish you well.

Take care,
Barbara
Posted 10/15/2007 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
Great topic!! and I think ALL of us probably need encouragement in this department. Even when you know all the tips, it still requires that you set apart some time for him. First . . .the viagra improves blood flow . . . thus allowing a possibility of more pleasure (arousal causes blood flow to those intimate areas and heightens sensation there). For women this is normally mostly mental. So if we are exhausted, it is hard to feel "in the mood". Big tip . . . try physical intimacy BEFORE a meal. Again, its a blood flow issue and once we eat . . . the blood flow is directed toward digestion. This really does help. Its also a great trick if you forgot to take something out for dinner . . . "Oh sweetie, I'm so glad you are home, lets play before we eat" . . . then, afterward "Uh oh . . . I was SO thinking about you that I forgot to plan dinner!" he hehe he . Tip . . if you aren't in the mood, PRETEND you are . . . get a mental image of some of your first great times together and go for it!!! Again, this is a mental thing for most women. For men, it is very visual. They really won't mind if you ask for a little lotion on your back, arms, legs, etc. and this might help too. Tip . . . so what if you aren't in the mood. If you aren't half dead with pain and fatigue, give the poor guy a hand!!! He will SO appreciate it. Get a really good lubricant (for this, an oil is great) and warm it up in your hands and go to town . . . don't be shy . . . he'll love it! and he deserves it. Tip . . . when you don't use it . . . you lose it. The more your body is pleasured, the more easily it is to be aroused. Some mental things you can do are . . . wear some really yummy scent. Wear great undies (ones YOU like). . . park the kids at moms for a couple hours and have a date at home . . . bring some yummy appetizers to the bedroom for after . . . Expect to enjoy it . . . you just might (and even if you don't, he will). A special vibrator might help if you both like that idea. Tip . . . if you take an anti-depressant, it just might inhibit your ability to climax . . . if its ok with your doctor, skip the anti-d on the day of your fun time and see if it helps. I hope lots of you have more tips . . . I could use some too!! Blessings!
Posted 10/15/2007 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much. I really apreciate the tips. I also appreciate your encouragement.

Thankfully, my husband is so understanding. I do "take care" of him regularly so he never complains. It is just that I feel awful that I don't have any desire for him to reciprocate. I really do want to want to have sex with him. He is so incredibly loving and wonderful. He is a gift to me - I know this and I want to have a "normal sex life" with him. We have gone months without having sex and we have only been married 2 1/2 years. I am 38 years old and have always heard that sex gets better as we get older...I am just waiting to want sex again. I will certainly try the tips as well as give the viagra a chance.

I will keep you posted and I look forward to reading more responses. At least now I do not feel so alone about this topic. Thanks ladies.

Blessings to all of you as well.
Posted 10/15/2007 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
Tell me about it! My fiance and I used to be intimate ALL the time. The past few months, I can't even have the energy for much of anything.
I am also on Anti-Depressants so that doesn't help!!

AlwaysRosie, those are great tips :)
Posted 10/15/2007 6:38 AM (GMT 0)
I love this topic. I for some reason never thought about a possible link to my having no libido and having lupus. I'm 23 years old and I don't want to have sex with my husband? WHAT? That's crazy, or so I thought, but now I'm seeing things a bit different. And again like all you ladies, I have a great husband who I love dearly and want to please, but it's just so hard sometimes when I'm not feeling good. And at 23 he thinks it's me not wanting to have sex with him, although he totally understands the way lupus affects me, it's a bit difficult for him. I mean at that age you should be having a healthy sex life, and we definately aren't. I'm very eagar to talk to my doctor about this issue, that is after the little one is born, because even if we wanted to right now I can't. And a quick question for anyone, Will having my tubes tied affect my sex drive? Anyone with anything to say please let me know.

Erin
Posted 10/15/2007 8:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Erin . . . with a couple of my pregnancies, I felt like a real "touch me not". That can happen just from the pregnancy too (hormones?). Birth control pills are notorious for driving down libido too AKKKKK!!! I wondered about the tubaligation affecting things too. I had my tubes tied after baby number 4 so I was 30 years old at the time. The literature said that it does not affect libido, and I could never be sure because 4 little ones is very likely to keep you pooped and not interestedAl; . . . but after baby number 3 I had been fine. So its really hard to say. You may be able to get more info on that topic now. I had mine done 25 years ago. I tried taking the pill but my legs hurt really bad and I got severe headaches so I had to stop taking it. Also my AI issues slowly returned around the same time. I hope you are feeling much better soon Erin. Blessings!
Posted 10/15/2007 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
Erin,

Having your tubes tied shouldn't affect desire. The procedure doesn't do anything to change the amount or types of hormones that your body makes, and the hormones are actively involved in feelings of desire.

I hope that helps...Take care,
Posted 10/16/2007 5:10 AM (GMT 0)
Shoot I'm single free as a bird and still don't want it! That's pretty sad. I do know from experience that xanax makes getting to that finally distination much more difficult.

hugs
carol
Posted 10/16/2007 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, this is a good topic. Yall just getting right out there and talking about it. I'm blushing (just kidding). I have the desire, my body lets me down. I didn't think testerone was the ticket. A female doc might be better on this. There is a new drug approved for women for this problem and I heard it works really really well. I have tried to get it from my doc, but she wants to refer me to gyn first, she's such a wimp on anything slightly ooky. Anyway, I forget the name of it but it supposedly is very effective and is by prescription. Welbutrin is like using something for one thing for something else and sexual dysfunction/loss of libido is listed as a side effect for that drug. I think effexor made me really a lot better (I think abnormal orgas ms is a side effect--right now any o is abnormal-- but it made things very intense, easy and worked great, I mean abnormal was an understatement, it was fantastic until I got allergic to it). I want to try the med for women. I took some other med for another problem made for men and it didn't work well and made me sick, so please be careful. Male docs just don't get it. If you take klonopin or pain meds, try skipping or taking afterwards. Sometimes muscle relaxers can help so if you take them, you might time things appropriately. Also, excercises make a big big difference (the old kegel) because the nerves and muscles can get lazy. Hormone replacement therapy helped, and treatment for my endocrine stuff. I found most of the problem to be my pain meds and learned to take them afterward and exercise, which I just have to try to do). The spirit is willing in my case, just body doesn't do what I want. Let me know what you find out. Oh, and don't downplay the sensitivity of your neck. My bf learned that a little attention there greatly lessened his workload. Oh and I forgot potatoes. Potatos are an essential dietary component for female sexual health according to a womans magazine article, so they're back on my menu, though in small amounts. I guess you can actually stop by not eating them.
Posted 10/16/2007 6:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ladies. I m 21 and I have no problem with my sex drive I want to do it more than him. Of course there are those times when I m at a low and can barley move but for the most part I want to do it all the time. But from reading what all you wonderful ladies are going through i better enjoy it while I have it. I was dignosed 2 years ago and am doing alot better now that they no what is wrong with me. Hang in their guys
Posted 10/16/2007 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
"The libido of a gnat" hee hee hee - I love it. Sadly, this is a topic I can relate to. I attribute my lack of desire to pure exhaustion and low self esteem due to enormous weight gain. Rosie, I personally elect you as our very own sex therapist. Everything you said is so true and it helps to read all of those suggestions. I guess this is something that a lot of us are dealing with and need some help with.
Posted 9/9/2014 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
Best to introduce yourself in a new post. I moved your post here.

www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=29&m=3179155

Post Edited By Moderator (Lynnwood) : 9/9/2014 10:05:45 AM (GMT-6)

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