I can't do this anymore

 I went for my colonoscopy this morning. There was a two hour wait but I survived that. But they did it to me again! Same as my heart cath.. They didn't knock me out. . They put an iv in me and didn't bother telling me they were just gonna give me some pain killer (which did nothing). I couldn't stand it. I started screaming and telling them to stop and I tried to climb off the table. the nurses literally held me down. I didn't find out til later it's because they are afraid to do anything because of my lungs. They should have at least told me.

My body just can't take any more. The only thing keeping me going right now is that was supposed to be my last major test done. If they come up with anything else that they won't knock me out for I'm just going to tell them to forget it. My body can't take anymore trauma. I'm just so tired I not even sure this is worth it anymore.

(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry. You are absolutely one of the strongest people I've ever heard of. Hopefully, this was the last hurdle and things will start settling down for you.

Oh Carol, that is just awful. In fact reading your post made me nearly stop breathing. I've heard that a colonoscopy is very painful, but I was fortunate enough to have been knocked out. Bless your heart. What more can you take.

They should have prepared you for what was to come! I would think that they could have at least given you a valium or something to calm you down.

I hope you have no more tests!

Pat

Carol, I posted a while back they did the same thing with me and my spinal injections!  I said no and they kept going. My sis is an RN and she's not into lawyers but she told me to get one. When you said "no" you revoked your consent and they are supposed to stop. With my colonoscopy it took two shots, neither one hit me but at least they tried to give me a second one. WHen I got home and got out of the car,  I fell down because it all hit. (Now they sedate me ten to twenty minutes earlier).

If it didn't hit later, they probably didn't have the IV in right and it went in your skin and dissolved, or you got one of the many junkie nurses that get hired now through contract firms and because they don't want to pay for the good properly qualified and non-junkie ones.

If you feel that you got nothing when they injected you, and you feel that something fishy happened, you can report them to the DEA, who may or may not choose to investigate.

It's hard n a large medical center, they can have some bad apples.  If and when I can afford it, I"m going to counseling to figure out what to do. The doc, though totally inappropriate, did a good job with the injections. And good docs are hard to come by on medicare. So what do you do?

I don't blame you at all. You can go to the patient affairs office, or if it is a private endoscopy center, you canswitch docs and centers certainly. If you feel the nurse took your drugs, you can tell an office manager, in a small office.

But the real trauma is their continuing without your consent. Both of us need to find better places or at least file a report with a state medical board. It amounts to assault and you can feel very violated.

I cancelled all the rest of my injections, didn't say why, just said I didn't need them. I haven't decided what to do. The lawyers I called so far won't do anything because I have no permanent injury, despite how illegal what they did was.

BUt again, it could have been one bad apple stealing the drugs. I would tell your pulmonologist, if he is nice, from the transplant team or whatever group, and tell them what happened and how you feel about proceeding.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I cried for three days, I was so frustrated and mad. Now who will I see? It creates a lot of problems.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, Marji

 

Oh Carol, BAH, why do doctors do that???   You have been through hell and you know what?  I don't blame you one bit for being fed up with it all.  I think that is a common feeling for us around here.  I'm sure as heck fed up with the crap I go through too. 

 

You are absolutely 100% priceless.  You are so worth the struggles.  To keep you here with us and your amazing family.  They need you, they want you, and they love you so much.  When you're feeling this low, remember how much you're loved.  Tap into that and embrace it.  Make it the reason you push on. 

 

We love you Carol.  Always praying for you,

 

Ginny

Thank you all, Judy, Fran, Lucy, Pat,angel,marji,Donna, Stacie,and Ginny,

Wow, You guys are great! For the past two days I could hardly talk without crying. I wish I was half as strong as you all think I am. I know for me this is a time in my life that you were not put here by accident. Taking the time to lift me up is worth more then all the gold in the world.

You have all given me things to think on and right now I reallt need that. I got a call from the transplant center yesterday. They had told me once the colonoscopy was done they would get the paperwork and labs together to send to the board to make a decision.

Well the thump you hear is the other shoe dropping. They told me they want me to come in in september. Still want me to lose 30 lbs. They have already taken me off steroids and my pain has increased. Now they say I have to stop taken my pain meds and xanax. They want to do the 3rd ct of my caroided artery for the 3 rd time in as many months. Then they said they will just have me come back in every so often until I am bad enough to send my paperwork to the board members to see if they will except me as on the transplant list.

It would be one thing if my lungs was the only problem but they don't care about the other autoimmune problems I have. I only take 15mg of hydrocodone and 1.5mg a day of xanax. I have been on anaxiety meds since I was 14 so of course while I'm waiting to get bad enough to die why not take me off of them right?

I had an appt today with my pcp. she is a wonderful woman and a christian woman. She even prays with her patients. So we talkedand I told herI am not sure I want to keep doing this. She said she would stand by me whatever decision I make. If I want to try to get off the meds she'll help if I chose not to she will help me stay comfortable as long as possible. I told her right now I couldn't make a decision based on anything but emotion.I just don't want to spend the next few years fighting this and suffering with this. She told me to go on a short vacation and pray about it and I would figure out what I should do. (I'm trying not to be to christian speaking here) but it's hard.

So she told me to go to Branson and have a good time. So of course I said well your the dr. Got any money? . She said boy do you got the wrong dr. I need to ask the ones at the transplant center!LOL.

so anyway that is where I am. Right now I just don't want to do anymore. I just want to enjoy life without of list of body parts that need xrays,poked or scaned.

thanks again everyone

Love you

carol

That's brutal, Carol. I have been on klonopin for many years and I'm afraid to quit without going into rehab or having another drug. I know your feeling. If they don't think you are ready yet and haven't made a decsion, I don't understand why you have to quit it all, esp. the xanax. I can see maybe the hydrocodone. I wonder if they would let you take klonopin, another benzo that is similar. Many people with epilepsy take klonopin, as well as valium and xanax. I can't believe they would expect them to quit.

I don't blame you for taking time to think. You might see ifyour nice doc would maybe talk with the transplant team to see what is really essential.

I know with livers, they want you to be off drugs for six months to be listed and you can only take certain prescribed drugs while on the list. I think they want you addiction free.

Maybe the transplant doc can suggest substitute drugs that would meet their criteria.

I can't imagine giving up the xanax in your situation. YOu would have to be a titanium magnolia to do that.

I would get your doc to get more info from the transplant team and have her pleadyour case. There may be a third route you can go. And if they expect you to give up your drugs, they should give you alternatives.

Well, have fun in Branson and try to forget about it all. I hope the trauma from the colon thing doesn't bother you, it is very traumatic when you are treated that way and I am mad and sad and just plain furious about that kind of thing.

Remember I'm praying for you. I'm sure you'll come to the right solution. I think your doctor should be able to help.

Carol,

You don't know me, Iam new here but I feel I know you. I have been reading these posts
for a long time. You are one of the bravest, strongest, women ever. You are a great
example of strength and courage. You have inpsired me on tough days, Your sense of
humor cheers me up on bad days. Keep strong. There are a lots of people pulling for you.

Robin