Not exactly a rant....

I hope everyone is doing as well as can be. This is not really a rant, just a need to talk to someone. I have the basic mctd overlap syndrome-sle, scleraderma and polymyocitis- plus reynauds and pericardial effusian. I have fluid on my legs and am on lasix and wear pressure hose for that. I also have ulcers on my lower legs that I am having to go to wound care once a week for. My rheumy tells me that I do not seem to be hurting as much as she thinks I should be and I feel fortunate about that, but I do hurt. I am only 45 and all this wears on me sometimes-sometimes I get so down emotionally over it that I occasionally break down and cry just to relieve pressure (my rheumy has asked me about depression meds before but I denied needing anything).  My hubby is super supportive and gives me anything I need but I feel like I have to be strong when he is home because when I do lose it it scares him. Everytime possible depression is mentioned he immediately thinks it's because he is or isn't doing something. I don't really have anyone to talk to about the way I feel because I don't want to worry my family, and I don't feel that anyone can really understand unless they are going thru it also. I'm not looking for pity or anything, just needed to talk to someone.

Thanks for bearing with me 

Donna

Your feelings are exactly what I experience every day too.  I want to be strong for my husband but sometimes living up to that expectation is just too difficult on me.  I need to be weak and needy!  opening those taps and letting your feelings out is so important. That's why we cry - to relieve the stress and sadness.  It's there for a purpose .  It's also okay to be on anti-d's.  We have to look after ourselves in every fashion.  Mental wellness is equally important as physical wellness.  If you can get in a better head-space you'll be amazed at how you can cope with your symptoms.  I'm on Zoloft.  It doesn't numb my emotions. I still cry, vent, get angry, frustrated, etc, but I'm more "even".  The depression isn't as dark. 

I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday to help me figure out my PTSD, anxiety, depression issues.  I know how important mental health is.  I need it!  Do what you have to to get well - all over .

Love ya Donna, we're here for you,

Ginny