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Posted 6/23/2010 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello friends, I've been feeling very alone and depressed these days.  I lost both of my parents suddenly during the past 2 years (unexpected deaths & at the mid-50's age).  My husband is very supportive, but that is difficult as he is out of town for weeks at a time for work.  We recently made the decision to not have children given my bad health - it would be very difficult for me to carry a baby & then care for after birth.  My older sister thinks my Lupus is an excuse to get out of anything I don't want to do; so we are no longer speaking.  I feel like I'm all alone in this world with no immediate family.  My Grandma & Aunt have done their best to help me thru this battle.  I'm not looking for any answers just grieving over this loss.  My Mom & Dad were the 2 people that really understood & respected my Lupus.  Now I feel like nobody understands.  There are nights I'm home alone & I just cry because my parents are gone & I just need somone who understands.  I certainly hope this gets better! Jenny
Posted 6/23/2010 7:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hey! Glad you found us, there are times when we all feel the same way...lost and very alone.
Have you tried to find a lupus group near you? Or if that isn't available any kind of chronic illness-type group will be able to empathize with you.

Losing parents is very hard, and especially when you are at the age when your friends don't yet know how to talk about death. My mother passed when she was 54 - the closer I get to that age the stranger I feel. I'm sorry you lost such significant members of your support group. That is really a very hard blow but I know you can keep going through this. One thing that helped me a little is becoming friends with a couple of my mothers friends...not for lupus, but just for a more experienced viewpoint. There is a certain amount of wisdom that comes from just having lived life.

Hang in there, and know that it will get better. There is a point when a certain amount of calmness arrives and you know that you are you and that nothing and no-one can keep you from being you. Hard to explain, but it's a kind of letting go of expectations and just doing the next right thing...whether it's doing the laundry or making one short phone call to reach out.

And keep in touch with us!
Posted 6/23/2010 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
i know how u feel........my husband is gone for 4-6mos at a time.........he's a civilian contractor in iraq.........but so much of the time, i'm so tired & don't feel or have the energy to interact with anyone else, so it works out.........

for me, when i have the energy, i do things that i like, that make me feel good.......reading a good book, gardening & when there is excess energy, i spend time with people i love.........but that is rare, cause of the lack of energy & different kinds of pain.......

have u subscribed to the lupus foundation of america forums..??.........everyone there has some form of lupus & they all understand about how hard it is...........

depression is part of this horrible disease.........i am sorry for u & hope things pick up for u........
Posted 8/19/2010 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Yes unfortunately depression is a part of our lives. I have had many serious health problems since I was 16. I have 3 kids all with special needs. There are days that I just don't think I can pick myself up and move forward. For me though, they are the ones that give me that strength. Somedays, even when they are in the room, I feel alone. I don't think they really understand how terrible I feel. I'm not saying you should have kids. I understand why one with Lupus wouldn't want kids, the drs said it was HELLP syndrome but now I am thinking that it was Lupus nearly killed me with each baby, I had. But I will say that they are my life. Have you considered a dog? Someone to keep you a bit active and someone who will cuddle up with you when you just don't want to move. They are great company. I hope none of the is offensive. Just a few ideas. Oh I also do a lot of journaling. I talk to my past on dad who also dies very early and suddenly in my journal. I can say anything no matter how ridiculous it is in my journal. It helps to have a release. Good luck and I hope that you can find someone close to you to be close to.
Posted 8/19/2010 11:24 PM (GMT 0)
awee It breaks my heart to hear you or anyone feel this down. I understand you feeling alone. I feel that way sometimes and I am not alone. Wish you lived close to me. I am getting ready to loose my Father so I guess I will know how it feels. I agree with the others support groups are great! My husband has a PTSD support group and although he has so many poeple who support him he says it's just not the same. Just think you would meet a bunch of new friends that know how you feel. ((((((((HUG))))))) I hope you feel better soon.
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