HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

seperation, probable divorce

Support Forums
>
Lupus
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/3/2007 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hello to all my friends I hope you are all doing well. As many of you know my husband has a severe alcohol addiction. On Monday I left and now my husband is going to AA, going on antibuse program and seeing a counselor....Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing? I know the stress of our marraige have greatly effected my health....I have paperwork all ready to file for a divorce and now am having second thoughts.....Any encouraging words appreciated.....

Does anyone have a need for a roommate?

I see rheumy tomorrow for the results of all the latest tests.....

love from Texas, Sheryl

Posted 8/3/2007 10:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Sheryl, I actually have a brother who is a minister which is a miracle in itself. You see he did two stints in prison for alcohol and drugs. At one point he was 6 ft tall and weighed 110 lbs. He used to dive thru dumpsters looking for stuff to sell for his next fix. I only tell you this because if you think there is no hope you are mistaken. However your husband has to want it. I'm sure he started going to AA because you left him but the key is will he continue? I would suggest you not go back to him right away but don't wash your hands of him either. You two are married and the fact that he is doing somthing is enough to hold on to for awhile. See how it goes and in the mean time you need to work out some stuff with your own health. You can't stay in a place that is always unhealthy for you. With hard work and prayers there is still hope for a bright future. Try not to stress too much that won't change anything. Only time can do that. I don't know where you are staying at but don't you have family that you can stay with somwhere?

God bless
carol
Posted 8/3/2007 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
Sheryl, I'm really sorry about what you are going through and I commend you for having the courage to leave so that both you and your husband have the space to think things through. No one can really tell you what you should do, you ultimately have to do what you think is right for yourself. My only advice is that you don't have to make any decisions regarding divorce right now. You've made the big decision to separate from your husband, so it might not be a bad idea to give yourself some space and some time alone to really think this through. Knowing a little something about addictions, I agree with others that your husband needs to prove that he is committed to recovery long term before you would ever consider going back to him. Also your husband needs to be doing all of this for himself and not to get you back. Another thing you can consider for yourself is attending Alanon meetings - they can be very helpful for family members/spouses whose loved ones are substance abusers. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers through all of this and I hope the stress isn't too hard on your health. Make sure you are taking good care of yourself. ((((Hugs))))
Posted 8/3/2007 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
I wanted to chime in that AlAnon is an excellent resource for your situation -- it will not decide for you , but will help you personally identify and clarify the family situation. Actually, if your husband is in any decent organized recovery program, they will highly recommend you visit AlAnon. It isn't to help him, or to help you help him, but instead to help you! www.al-anon.org is a place to start out to find a meeting in your area. Also, every meeting is different, AlAnon suggests you attend at least 6 meetings before deciding if the program is right (or wrong) for you. There is one book published by AlAnon that you might want to look at even if you can't attend meetings. It is "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage", and I believe you'll find it directly applicable. I can personally vouch for AlAnon - any signs of sanity I ever show in any of my postings, plus my sense of humor, are direct results of my time with AlAnon.
Posted 8/3/2007 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Sheryl,

It took a lot of courage for your to leave your husband. Others here have given you some real good advice, and I agree that going to Al-Anon and taking time to see how your husband does is a wise thing to do.

Take baby steps, Sheryl. You have a lot of decisions to make and don't think that you have to make them all at once. If you do go to Al-Anon I think you'll find that you have a strong support group of people there. If you have the energy, a local lupus support group might also provide another source of friends and support.

Let us know how your latest labs are and what your rheumy says today. Please stay in close touch with us. I'll be thinking of you Sheryl and want to make sure you're doing well, both emotionally and physically. Take good care of your health during this stressful time.

Love,

Pat
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply