Help! Too Depressed Again-Cajungirl! Deejavu!Travler!

I guess i got overwhelmed again by this thing... i don't know what to think right now- i feel like i'm dying.  i have two small babies to care for an yet i am to sunk in this to be happy around them.  My gerd is acting up like crazy- my bones are popping like crazy and i have not even seen a doctor yet. I will try calling another doctor monday- what a long way away that feels.   I tried one place but they won't help me do natural treatments.  I plan to do Dr. Jernigan's program but now i'm scared- i don't know why i guess i don't know what to trust. His approach to things is so new and different to me.  I looked up the cowden protocol too-- don't know what to think.   I really need to talk to someone.  I don't want to give up but i feel like my body is getting worse by the second.  I think i have severe inflammation in my throat or maybe an ulcer? I drank some aloe vera juice and i have nexium but i don't know if its safe to take while i'm on humaworm.  are my kids going to lose their mother? I don't even want to think about it but i can't seem to get out of this "funk".  Cajungrl or Deejavu or Traveler...would any of you consider talking on the phone? I understand if i'm still very new and this makes any of u uncomfortable...i just need to talk to someone- if any of you are willing please email me [email protected] so i can keep your number private-please don't post it here-  or i will give you mine in the email if that is more comfortable. thank you guys- but i won't be offended if this is uncomfortable- please respond here first to let me know what you think so i know it is one of you if you do email.  You all are so helpful. 

-Anita

Hi Anita,

I have to run out now but I will be back later. 

Real quick, please take a deep breath and try to calm down okay?   You don't have to do any protocol that you don't feel comfortable with..   I also suffer from anxiety (not lyme related) and I know starting something new can be scary.  

All I can tell you is this:  When I first started Dr. Jernigan's protocol I only took one product to see if I felt any different.  I kept it simple..  I like to keep everything simple as that is how I am.   If I take on too much I start feeling overwhelmed and that's not good for me in any aspect of my life.

So keep it simple..  relax..  Also, I am worried that you took the cayenne pepper by mouth as that is very strong stuff indeed!   I think cayenne pepper works better and more safely by using it in a detox foot bath as the 2000 pores in one's foot (each foot) will absorb the cayenne pepper into your blood stream through your footsies...

Will be back later..

Denise

I just posted about feeling as if I am just slipping away: getting weaker and weaker, trying to take a zillion abx and supplements and herbs and just feeling worse and worse..nobody around me, including husband and doctors, seems to see it: they all say, "you're going through a rough patch but you're doing all the right things and it will get better." I just don't know...if I had had this when my kids were little I don't know if I could have done it. Best of luck to you: let's just hope they're all right when they say "this too shall pass."

Yes- PSRI people tell me the same things and i have a hard time seeing it myself- especially b/c i have 2 little ones and i don't know if i will be strong enough to care for them- i am still at the beginning of whatever this is but I am frightened of where it could lead.

Thank you cajungrl, i did send you an email- i just wish i had an extra person who UNDERSTOOD what this is and could help with my kids. My parents try to help but in the end they think i'm just depressed. I don't know what they would say once i get tested if it's positive.

Finding,

I'm new to this, too, and understand how overwhelming it can be. I know you didn't ask me, but I hope you won't be offended if I share some of the things that keep me sane:

-I have no reason to believe that Lyme and co-infection symptoms will worsen, so I choose to believe they will at worst stay the same, and at best improve or disappear. There are horror stories and success stories all over the place; I have decided mine will be a success story. Even if it turns out to be a horror story, at least thinking this way I have peace of mind right now and that's worth a lot.

-I've had this for a long time, maybe for most of my life. It gets bad and it backs off. When it's bad I make a point of remembering that it will back off again. That's difficult sometimes when I have a long bad period, but it helps me not to feel stuck in a terrible place.

-When I am having disturbing symptoms I look for physiological experiences that will distract me. Since I'm cold a lot, often that will be a warming experience (a fire, warm water foot bath, cleansing bath, having a heater or blow dryer pummel me with warm air, drinking a warm beverage). If you're hot, a cool compress on the back of your neck or on your forehead can be distracting, or put an ice cube in a baggie and use that to rub oil on your legs. Ahhhh. Sometimes I eat an intense-tasting food like olives or peanut butter. Or I do body brushing, or use a salt scrub on my skin, or rub my body with pleasant-smelling cream. I do not allow myself to focus on the symptoms because I cannot fix them by doing that, all I will do is become frightened and upset.

-I create peaceful moments for me alone, and for me with my loved ones. These are simple like lighting some candles and playing relaxing music, or reading aloud, or doing an art project. The point of these is to slow me down when my mind is racing. I've always been a worrier, and anxiety is always lurking. This is my way of intervening. It also allows me to share quality time at a pace that is realistic for me.

-The amount of information "out there" about Lyme and treatments is immense. I have chosen a few sources of information for the beginning of my Lyme journey. I keep meticulous notes about treatment alternatives, recommendations, and outcomes so that I can reference those easily when I am considering what step to take next. Once I have decided what course to take, having the notes lets me archive other ideas so that I don't lose track of them but also so that I don't need to be confused by them right now. If something isn't working I can always change course and having notes helps me decide what to do.

-I keep a diary about my treatments and symptoms. This way I can keep track of whether something is working or not. It also lets me express myself. It doesn't usually come out in my posts (I hope) but I am very angry that I went for so long to so many doctors without a correct diagnosis. The cost to me, my loved ones, my relationships, my career, financially, etc., etc. is huge. This anger buys me nothing but more misery, but I need to get it out somehow. The diary is a good place to do that, and who knows, maybe someday I'll do something with it. (publish it, burn it, send it to my doctors???)

Whatever I do in my life, it's better for me and for those I love if I can maintain a healing attitude. I learned this from my late husband who was sick for much of his adult life and who was desperately sick the for the last six years. He called his approach to living with a debilitating terminal illness positive denial. I can tell you that despite all of his medical problems, his illnesses were not the primary focus of his life and that he found a way to do the things he loved (albiet in an altered way) up until the day he went into the hospital for the last time.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You've said things in your posts that have encouraged me and helped me to keep perspective. I am grateful for that. We're all here to help each other. It's great that you reached out. I hope that you will be able to find some peace of mind soon.

Hugs,

Rose

Thank you Rose for responding! And thank you Traveler! Sorry i didn't fit your name up there in the title Rose, and no way could i be ofended by your reply- I hop YOU were not offended that your name was not up there- silly me! Anyway your advice was very good and i am so sorry about your husband- but we cannot stay in positive denial- we must be convinced we will get well! I cannot afford to not get well- i have 2 babies and they need me.  THere are people that love and need you Rose! We need you! Yes- my days and moods change from moment to moment- i don't even know half the stuff i'm deficient on right now- b 12 , iron, calcium... b/c i have not had any tests to know yet- but I will take your advice even though it is often hard for me to focus on good things- i must try to change this- my mind too often is wrapped in the negative.  Thank you so much for all your good suggestions and whenever you see a post of mine consider youself automatically invited for response!

Traveler, I wil check for your email- and i don't care if your brain has troubles, your heart is in the right place! and i thank you!

Rose,

I'd love to read that book if you ever get it published. So many of us try to deal with having a chronic illness and don't know how. I'm sure that book would be very beneficial to so many of us. Your words are very positive. I love reading your posts.

finding, did you get the e-mail I sent you?

Hey PSR - Are you doing anything to detox? It might help- I am going through some pretty rough times myself lately as well. about all we can do is hang tough sometimes though.

Willow,
You said;
"I get so much inspiration, encouragement, and courage by reading what you all write. We are where we are; the trick is to make the best of it. I see that happening repeatedly in the stories and experiences relayed here. It is a wonderful thing."

I think most of us feel the same way. Even though I have been longer than some, it doesn't mean that I don't learn from those who may have just started here. I also am very grateful to have access to this wonderful place!!

I hope you get the book published too Rose! :) You are his lasting legacy!