How do you do it alone????

Loves2shop said...
Can someone please tell me how you be seriously ill and be alone? I am asking because I am seriously considering leaving my husband but I will be alone and I know I will be afraid.. Any advice?

Dear L2S,

I understand your fear.....I too am thinking of leaving my husband. I hope I wouldn't be alone though, as I have small kids and I don't want him to have them. I am worried that (a) he will try to take them or (b) he won't and I will have trouble caring for them properly (since I will have trouble caring for myself).

I just can't think straight and don't know what to do!!

I know this doesn't help at all.....I'm so sorry.

I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this. I know that others on this board have been alone and extremely ill, and yet somehow have managed.

Bucci, are you reading this??

JoAnn

I've lived alone for many years....a few relationships in between, but not the right guy, so back to being on my own for quite some time now.

I do have a few great friends and my sister lives nearby so that helps.

Plus I have my three dogs and two horses. A lot of work caring for animals but it keeps me going.

I think the problem with aloneness (can be) that it gives a person too much time to dwell on their problems...

.... whether they be physical, mental, real or sometimes imagined....i.e. the pain (seems to be ) more serious and far reaching than it might actually be because you're REALLY thinking about it.

Though I know my Lyme symptoms are VERY REAL and often very painful, when I'm out and about and don't have 'completely alone time' to dwell on every creak, crack, ache and pain.....

......I seem to have a certain amount of relief. So I know a bit of my pain, is in part, psychosomatic.

Having been on Doxy ( going on one month now) certain older symptoms have almost resolved....or have resolved completeley. But when I'm alone-- especially at night-- I begin to think about them....

....are they really gone? Will they come back? Etc. Etc. Quite a viscious 'mental' circle.

The result? A creepy crawly sensation that usually ends in a crying jag/panic attack. Why me! Why ME! Poor ME! My life is ruined! I'll never be normal!

Being sick can REALLY get to you!!!!!

HOWEVER.....I now try to do just the reverse. I tell my brain "I will get better! I will not let this get to me!" " I will see a better doctor this week and questions will be answered!" and so on. I try to think POSITIVE.

I also try to revel in my aloneness in the way that 'happy' alone people do --

--who don't have to answer to anyone....who can spend their time as they wish...who can plan their day the way they want to....or not plan anything!

After a crying jag/panic attack I DO feel better--- like 'something' was released....

....and instead of feeling stupid, cursed or useless for having had the attack, I just tell my brain that I 'needed' that release..... and thus enjoy the calmness that comes afterward. I consider it progress.

I think that society has drummed into our heads that 'aloneness' equates with one being a loser of sorts.....that we did something wrong in our lives to end up all by ourselves. Bah! I say.

Without trying to be all ZEN or psycho-babble-ish about it..... being alone can bring good things to SELF. A sense of self. For me...it's: WHO am I right now?

And it's not about settling (a negative) for who I am....it's about being comfortable and truly acceptant of who I am. And that's a positive.

I know I'll never be a pro tennis player....I know I'll never have children (not a negative)....I know I will eventually recover from my alleged TBD....if I even have one (and I'll find the answer to that too).....and I hope I'll meet Mr. Right at some point. If I don't...so be it. That won't kill me. LOL.

But what will kill me (metaphorically) is wallowing in aloneness as a negative.

Cliche of the day: I see the glass half full and filling up rather than half empty and draining out.

Since I've never been married, I have no idea what it's like to leave a husband. But I do know what it's like to leave a long time boy friend I was very much in love with.

I thought I'd never get over it (and was not sick at the time with Lyme to make it worse) but I was having big league depression and seeing a psychiatrist (put on anti-depressants) ........and I did get over it but not because of the meds! They just helped me see things more clearly.

He's married now and I'm actually happy for him!

One of my favorite quotes:

In case of emergency:
1. Pick up your hat
2. Grab your coat
3. Direct your feet to the sunny side of the street
By Unknown

When that doesn't work.... I curl up and watch the movie, ' Men Don't Leave' (with Jessica Lange) .........again. LOL

I think exercise does do wonders....and also pampering one's self.

Having a loving husband or boyfriend and understanding and supportive children to rally with, certainly seems idylic.

But since I have none of the above....I still find a way to manage (at the age of 56) .....and try to stay happy with what I DO have, rather than diminish from what I don't have.

Right now I'm going to put on my hat and coat, go outside and hug my big old horse. I know he understands and will give me a proper nuzzle that will warm my heart.

(( big hugs )) to all!

Achievinggrace, thanks for your very wise cautionary note! I think that my husband may have Lyme too, and that this may be the source of our horrible arguments....he may have contracted it from me.

He will be tested for Lyme this week.
JoAnn

To all you wonderful suffering people,

I know without a doubt that if I did not have God to cry out to everyday I would be divorced by now also. God is truly the only one who can completely understand what we are going through and help us deal with it all. Our spouses are not super human and sometimes our needs are way beyond their personal abilities.

It took me a long time to admit to myself the unrealistic expectations I placed on my husband. Once that happened, my bitterness was relieved.

Out of all the many many books I've read since having Lyme, "How to Handle Adversity" has been the most help!!

I also have been blessed with loving Christian friends in my life that are available to help with my physical, mental and spiritual needs. With out them I would be a total mess. This all comes from God. Talk to him and you will never be lonely. He guarantees it !

And keep talking on this wonderfully helpful forum. We can help and care for each other. We need each other to relate with and feel understood. I love this forum.

God please bless us all with relief from our symptoms, give our spouses and family understanding and patience with our illness and help research to be done to find a cure for this horrible disease. Amen.

My heart goes out to us all,
Lisa

Roses and Lisa,

Thank you both for your wonderful posts.

Yes, my husband and I are talking about counseling now, but I am still working on getting him tested for Lyme too. He has recently developed TWO autoimmune diseases and his health has gone downhill. He is always tired now and VERY cranky. I think it sounds like Lyme. :(

Yes, my little ones do make things much more complicated.

I'm planning on hanging in there.....thanks for the prayers for me and my hubby and also for Loves2shop and her hubby.
JoAnn