Posted 3/20/2011 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
JiJi,
I can truly relate. I started getting sick when I was 20. I believe I got infected when I was 18, but I went off to college and had a great couple of years. My Junior year of school I started having panic attacks and heart palps and soon a lot more symptoms followed. I ended up not going back for my senior year because I was just too sick. I was off and on antibiotics for other reasons such as constant strep throat and ear infections. I felt well enough to go back to finish my senior year (so I thought) and the following year I moved 2 hours away to finish school. I made it through the first semester ok and then got very sick the following semester. I missed a lot of classes and was pretty much at the emergency room once a week complaining of symptoms. I lived in RI at this time and no one was able to diagnose me. I was able to finish and graduate and moved back home to my mother's. about 6 months later after finding a great job, buying a brand new car, I went in to have my tonsils removed because I was getting sick over and over. Well, I never recovered from the surgery. I was 23. I ended up bedridden and unable to care for myself for many many months. I didn't think I would live through my 24th birthday. I didn't celebrate it. I was very close to the end and It was so hard to watch all of my friends go on to live these "normal" lives. I missed weddings, birth of children. They all had great jobs and moved out on their own and could travel and all I could do was sit in my room and pray that I would get better.
The good news is, I did. I took my meds for 2 1/2 years. I exercised and by the time I was 26 I was feeling much better. I ended up going back to work part-time and basically had to start over. I had to learn how to drive again as I didn't drive for 3 years. I had to learn how to go out again because I had horrible anxiety that I couldn't leave the house during those years. But one day at a time I was able to do it. By the time I was 28 I was living on my own, working full time, just met my boyfriend (who I am still with 8 years later). We have a beautiful 3 year old. I was able to travel to Colorado for my brother's wedding and get on a plane (something I never thought I would be able to do again).
I know how hard it is to be your age and to be dealing with so much and losing friends (and yes, I lost a lot of friends because I was sick and no fun as they put it....but as you get older, you realize they weren't true friends and you are better off without them in your life). But do know, that your life isn't over at 22. You have plenty of time ahead of you to do all the things you want to do in your life. Just keep working on getting well. Do as much as you can now and enjoy the small things that you can do.
I actually wrote a little list on a post-it when I was at my worst that stated the things I wanted to do when I got better. They were small goals like go for an ice-cream. Go to Homegoods. Take a walk up the street. Drive my car. Things most people could do with no effort at all. Things I could do before, that now seemed impossible. But as I started to get better those were the small things I started with and I reached a point where I was able to do all the things on my list.
I am going to be turning 36 in a few months. I own a home with my fiance. We are hoping to have another baby soon. I am still dealing with lyme on some level. I still have some not so good days, but in the scheme of life, I am doing very well and very blessed and although I wish I didn't have to go through that hell in my 20's, it made me a stronger person today and teaches you what is really important in life and you can go on to do amazing things you never thought were possible after lyme.
Hang in there. It will get better and you will go on to have a wonderful life. It's hard to imagine the future right now I'm sure. But you are still so young and you have a long life ahead of you to enjoy.