Posted 7/10/2011 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
Jake - hang tough - I know it's a challenge - I am 51 now but remember my very first bout with this back when I was 17 in high school. Brain fog, detachment/derealization - sometimes almost as if you were an observer of your own light as in a movie. And, for me I never got diagnosed with Lyme until about a month ago (when I had a tick bite with rash). So, good news and bad news - but mostly GOOD! The bad news is that I have had flare-ups my entire life - after major life stressors. These, for me happened about every 5 years or so but would go away after a time of 6-18 months each time.
I wondered the same things as you back then - How can I go to college? How can I do anything with this crazy stuff? Well, I went to college - TWICE - a got BS and MS degrees in Electrical Engineering, I got married, I had three kids and I got on with life. Still, at the time, I did not know I had Lyme (even though having had hundreds of tick bites when I was younger) and the episodes would return - once when I moved across country (major stressor), another time when my son died, another time after my divorce after 17 years married, you get the point. The bottom line, though, is that I always got through it - even though as you know the feelings are very disturbing and scary.
My docs could never figure out what was happening and finally they claimed it was just all in my head. NOT ONCE in all those years from 1977 to 2010 did ANY ONE OF THEM SUGGEST A CHECK FOR LYME! So, I took antidepressants when I would have an episode - they just made me worse - after trying a half dozen of those with the promise that the next one would work! So, I stopped taking them and just worked my way through the episodes and then enjoy another 5 years or so of no symptoms. Again, my episodes lasted 6-18 months generally - the last one was the longest and deepest because I really got serious about my health - lost 80 lbs, started running (1500-2000 miles a year!), eating healthy, etc. I think that caused me to herx deeply and for a long time. But, after that episode, I felt the best I had in my entire life for the last 5 years!
This latest episode started only abt 1-2 months ago and was caused not by an external stressor, but a tick bite - this caused a test for Lyme and showed positive. In the initial Lyme treatment now, I started feeling those "episode" symptoms again and I started putting things together - I had had Lyme all my freaking life. So now I am working to try and really get it out this time and not just send it into hiding.
One last point about the emotion aspects of Lyme. NO DOUBT that a good portion of your symptoms are Lyme-induced directly. However, and this was/is true with me, there is also probably no doubt that everyone adds an additional emotion component to it just because we worry about the disease and we worry about how it will affect us, and how we will cope. I had a few layers of my own anxiety thrown on top of the Lyme. Heck, it is only natural esp. for me since I had no idea why I was experiencing this all these years. Even knowing now, though, I find it easy for me to overlay some extra anxiety on to my symptoms. My only point here is that it is important to stay active, keep your brain engaged as much as possible in daily life (I know it's hard with the fog, etc.), EXERCISE if you can (one of the best possible forms of detoxing), and try not to alter your long-term plans for the future if you can. If your real symptoms truly impact these items, then scale back a little until you find out what you really can do! But, make sure that the 'artificial anxiety' is not the driver. Give yourself time to rest and recover but keep moving forward as best as possible.
Sorry, I tend to write a lot sometimes. But, in your post, I saw myself 32 years ago....and, if I had known me then, I would have given similar advice. God speed, my friend!