Need to rant

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like perhaps you are experiencing a bit of depression because of what you are going through.

Perhaps your family finds it difficult, just as you do, to understand how a person can go from such success to so many challenges. They may even be in denial that anything could be seriously wrong. They may think you are avoiding calling them or forgetting to do so due to depression or preoccupation and they want you to just "snap" out of it.

Surely they love you but are unable to cope with and understand your challenges. You might seek out the advice of a doctor as pertains to your depression and discuss ways to communicate your needs with your family. Maybe invite your mom to one of your lyme appts. so she can hear it first hand?

Good luck!

Thanks. Talking to everyone in the group helps a lot. It might have come off as depressed, but it was more just needing someone to understand, which I know here there are people who do. I personally chose not to take psychotropics because of several experiences in my life. I find it helps more just to have someone to be able to completely understand. I think truly the only people who can do that are others with Lyme or similar diseases. Like anything in life, there really isn't a way to know how it feels unless you have been there yourself. And that is the greatest barrier I think for most people. There just isn't a way for them to understand, so they don't know how to cope with it or how to help you.

I have two LLMD's. One of them is in Mt. Kisco. He says it's my drive and push in my life and the fact that I just don't give up that has kept me going this long. We suspect I first got infected about 25 years ago (I remember the bite, the rash and the symptoms), but we know for sure I was infected 9 years ago and again 5 years ago, so for the sake of protecting the doctors treating me, we went with the date from 9 years ago.

Since it was 9 months ago that I pushed too hard and knocked myself out, I am still trying to find a balance of just how hard I can push without taking myself out of the game. I tried to hold onto the restaurant, but recently a chef had to be let go and when I worked in her place for a few days I thought it would literally kill me. I am currently working to turn it over to someone else and build another business with my husband. This new business will only demand of me what I am able to give it, so I can be productive without feeling like I am not giving enough.

As far as my mom goes, she lives in Washington State and I live in Florida. She did watch "Under Our Skin", which I have encouraged friends and family to see so they can understand better. It was hard for her to watch, but she did it for me. I think that she is really more frustrated and upset that we are so far apart and she can't be here for me, but it doesn't get communicated that way. And because she doesn't see me in person she doesn't see anything first hand. She just gets what I tell her on the phone. I am sure we will work through it.

Thanks again for just letting me bend some ears :)

Thanks Traveler. You've been a real help in so many ways. Am looking for a plastic tub for my walk in shower this weekend :)

The feed stores are a bit far away, so I am checking with Lowe's and Home Depot first. Using it would feel so good!

That sounds like an awesome idea! In my case, though, it won't work. My older sister is in Boston, my younger sister and my father are in Houston and my 18 year old daughter and mother are in Washington State. That leaves only me, my husband and my younger daughter in Florida and we've all watched it. But I have asked them all to watch it and made it available to them.

When I get back on my feet enough I plan to hold a screening for it at a local theater. I have organized a lot of events in the past and plan to make this one a fundraiser. I just need to get myself healthy enough to do it. I have business associates who will help. Nice that people remember what you did for them and want to return the favor :)