Friend drama!

Long story short, a little over a year ago my boyfriend broke up with me, partly because my being sick was too stressful for mister life is an adventure not to be taken seriously, and partly because he found someone else. My best friend more or less abandoned me when I really needed her...he broke up with me right before my birthday and my best friend told me she was too busy to make time for something so insignificant as going out for my birthday. After she got caught in the lie that she had already taken the day off of work (she forgot). My own sister couldn't make it out for my bday that year, and I wasnt mad, because she at least acknowledged that I was hurting and really needed support. She wasn't mean to me about it.

So it turned into this big thing, I ended up telling her how I'd really been feeling for a while (mainly that she's a bad friend and I always end up feeling worse about myself after hanging out with her) and she responded with something along the lines of "unlike you I happen to be independent. I have to pay my own bills and I have to work to do that unlike you I cant just take days off all the time..." etc. LOW BLOW. Unlike her, I don't have a trust fund to fall back on. Unlike her I can't use dead relatives' money to pay rent to call myself independent. Unlike her I have a debilitating illness, so I couldn't afford to be "independent" because all my money went to doctor bills and I could only work one job, when I could work at all. For someone who should know me so well, this was extremely hurtful, mocking me for my misfortune as if she's somehow better than me.

So this is the 5th time now she's sent me a long, wordy message about missing me. She never actually apologizes (except for "I'm sorry I let you push me away") and I don't know what to do. I'm in no place to turn down friends but at the same time is this forgivable? Should I try to work things out? Or is it okay that I just don't like the kind of person she is? I just don't want to let anyone in my life who is going to put me down to make themselves feel better, who uses my misfortune to pet themselves on the back, who makes me feel bad, especially now when I'm already so down about the status of my life. I just don't know what to do, but now all these emotions are resurfacing and I'm confused.

wow...i feel your pain....one of my "used to be bestfriends" has VLCAD a genetic muscle gene mutation which cause her to be sick quite often....would call her/.....take care of her...study up on her disease so i would know better how it affects her....and the whole time i was doing this...i was sick also but not yet diagnosed....but when i would try to talk to her about things i was going through or feeling....it never seemed to "get through"...when i was finally diagnosed...she had all but ended the relationship...saying she had just been busy...not once in a month has she called me and asked how i was doing..even though i spent hours and hours researching her disease..driving all the way to DUKE hospitals to see her....crying and praying for her recovery....wiping her tears.....and now she wont even answer her texts....and i cant hardly get out of bed..my joints are so bad....and i have a seven yr old a 19 yr old and a husband...and not once in over a month has any of my so called friends offer to help me or call me..or jus bring supper by....if it doesnt feel "right"...dont do it....even though u need people...u surely dont need the wrong ones speaking into your life bringing you stress.....

Everything everyone has said is basically how I felt last year when this all went down. And Ive ignored every message from her since...figuring if I didn't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all. But I never said to leave me alone or stop messaging me. So maybe that means part of me wanted to keep the option open. She's even reached out to my sister a few times.

We were best friends for 9 years. And sometimes I wonder whether it was her or me that was the problem. MAybe she didn't make me feel bad about myself...maybe I was just jealous that she has the kind of life I wish I could have. Like I said I haven't spoken to her in over a year...so I don't even know her anymore. And the fact that she's trying so hard must mean something. I mean after an entire year she still misses me...that means something.

I just feel guilty. I feel like I should just let her back into my life because she's hurting with us not being friends anymore. I feel like I'm being selfish by ignoring her. And I'm afraid I'm just avoiding dealing with this when maybe it could be a good thing to rekindle that friendship.

Honestly...I don't even think it's her that would make me feel bad, but just the fact that her life is going well and mine...not so much. I don't know.

I can see that this is a tough situation for you. But... if you're already overloaded with toxins, maybe it's not the best time to be dealing with a toxic friendship!

My reaction was the same as Traveler's. The situation is definitely not funny, but I think most of us have been through the same thing. I'm not sure I had any friends to begin with (it's my charm....), but these days if someone does come along yet doesn't feed MY spirit, then I just don't have enough of me left over to be the one to foster a friendship/relationship. You should be able to figure out a way to forgive the past yet let your friend know you're just too fragile right now to participate..... Then suggest she watch Under Our Skin, the DVD about lyme. I doubt that she'll make the effort which will speak volumes in itself. You have friends on the forum!!!!!!

what yogilymie and trav said x1,000.

I had to break up with a friend though very similar circumstances. Your "friend" sounds a lot like my "friend". I realized her creating that kind of stress in my life while I'm going through this made her no friend at all.