Bad Bad Bad Herx for days now

Hi everybody, the past few days have been very daunting to say the least. I have had stress at work. My boss verbally ripped me apart this week and has been very insulting and cruel to me. I know I need to move on to a different job, but my husband lost his job last week and I just don't know what to do.

I started Bactrim a few weeks ago switching from the previous month of doxy. I also started working with a wonderful NP. She is amazing! Other than my husband, she has been my rock the past few weeks and I am so thankful to be working with her. She started me on a bunch of holistic, natural supplements which seemed to be working and I stopped detoxing completely and started getting very stressed at work the last week and coming home crying and upset last night and BOOM it's like a missle exploded inside me. I haven't slept much at all the past 3 or 4 nights. I woke up early this morning..went to bed at midnight, woke up about 3-4 am and was crying in pain. It woke my husband up and he was totally freaked out. He ran me an Epsom bath which helped a little. My neck and back were/are in excruciating pain as was/is a severe headache and aches and pains in my legs and arms. My throat hurt, my stomach hurt..I was a mess. My heart was pounding in the tub. I called my NP in the morning and she calmed me down and told me my boss and this job was very toxic to my healing and that I indeed was having a herx reaction from meds as well, but that I would never heal in this toxic environment from work. I am going to have to look elsewhere I am sure. I need to stop killing myself for someone who doesn't give a flying you know what about me or my health. (my boss)

I see my LLMD on Friday and then I am supposed to go to my step sisters wedding, but we'll see how I'm feeling. I am backing down off my Bactrim from 2 times per day to 1 for at least a few days because I am so bad off with pain, I can't get worse or I'll be in the emergency room for sure. I was very tempted to got his morning, but there is nothing they'll be able to do for me except slap me with a fat bill and probably say I need a psychologist or that I'm a drug seeker (which I am not) but based on all of your stores from ER's it doesn't sound promising. This herx stuff is not joking around. OMG. I don't know what to do. The pain is the worst thing imaginable. And mine is horrific on a normal day. I have no idea how I got to work today. I really do not. I'm on the fence about going completely holistic and backing off the abx completely to be honest, but I worry that since I'm herxing, I'm killing a lot of bugs off and that's a good thing if I can stick it out right? I dunno. I really wish I knew what to do. I trust my NP completely, but I just want to know what the right thing to do is. I'm so sick of having to second guess everything and I'm not the type of person that is a quitter.

There's more going on in my life.....but I really feel that I have no idea how I'll continue if this suffering doesn't stop soon. I look like hell on wheels today. Seriously one hot mess. Bags under my eyes, sweat pants......total utter fog and confusion......then being mocked, harassed and ridiculed by my boss was the icing on the cake.

So............thanks for listening and there's m update on my "so called life"

Post Edited By Moderator (achievinggrace) : 4/25/2012 12:24:36 PM (GMT-6)

It sounds like maybe your LLMD needs to adjust your meds and take a slower approach. It's really important to keep the negative stress in your life down! Sleep is also a must. The combination of little sleep + tons of stress is very unhealthy. That combo. is what set my Lyme into action last year, so I can speak from experience that you will continue to feel worse until you get the stress under control.

Is this job adding anything positive to your life? Have you explored other options for work? If you stay where you are, is there anyone higher up that you could speak with about how you've been treated?

Hang in there! Things will get better!

Nocure--Not something I can really do in my line of work. I am a "personal assistant/nanny" I work for her part of the day and then with her children as well for part of the day. My responsibilities include, but are not limited to: taking trash in/out, dishes (OMG does she take advantage of me with this..piling last night's dishes AND breakfast dishes in sink for me to clean with mushy cereal and food in it *GAG*), cleaning kitchen completely with counters, table, vacuum, TONS of laundry (family of 5) watering plants, grocery shopping, errands, organizing, scheduling, driving kids to/from activities, playdates, packing lunches, you name it, I do it. Seriously I give this family everything I've got and treat them like I would family, even better..this family is a "high up" type of Korean family. Their 3 children are 6, 8 and 10 and all 3 play piano competitively, go to a private school where there is a lot of homework given out, do tennis and ballet and fencing and are expected to spend every free moment they have practicing piano or doing something "worth while" no down time for them. They can't just bang around on the piano either, they MUST practice the right way. Lucky for her, I played piano competitively as a child and I can assist with this. The scheduling is tight and my days can be jam packed, but occasionally in between laundry loads and dinner prep, I can sit down for a few. I have sat down occasionally and she must have cameras in the house because she questioned it the other day. I was like "yeah I read sometimes, what else do you want me to do in between tasks or watching the children at tennis/piano?" then she ridiculed me for the meatloaf I had baked. Apparently I had left a piece of "wax like" paper in the ground turkey and baked it in. I had no idea it was there and I didn't see it. She pretty much accused me of doing it on purpose. I told her I was human and make mistakes and it was an accident. She then continuing to harass me by saying how could I not see it there, she is concerned..I am careless, I have plenty of time to get it right, blah blah blah. I went home crying. This family has been like this for awhile now, progressively getting worse each month. There's just too much to write about here. I don't know how to handle it to be honest. My NP says to let it go and realize she's just an awful person incapable of kindness. To let it roll of my back. I'm trying. She also said the job was toxic and I should look elsewhere. I think I'm definitely going to take that advice.

Scarlett-the job adds a nice paycheck to my life which I need for treatment (and I earn every cent of it), the hours are good for me 12-7/8 although I wish the day ended sooner. Mornings are just not good for me. I am hurting too much. Nobody higher up to speak to, she's it and that's why she does this to me, because she can. Because she seems miserable in her life and can take out her frustrations on me.

spring--so far today is better because I actually slept through the night last night!! Yeah!! I backed down off the bactrim a bit and it seemed to help. Thank goodness.

I almost forgot! You said the lady you work for got mad that you sat down reading. You are entitled to breaks by law. In Fact, Lisa Marie Presley was sued about 4 years ago for not giving the Nanny she hired to look after her children breaks. Anyone working gets breaks.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry things have been so hard for you lately. I would definitely keep your eye out for other job opportunities, if you can. I was working in a restaurant at one point, working my butt off and this one manager (who I think only worked the same shift as me twice the entire time I worked there) got the wrong impression of me because she caught me on a rare bad day - I was running on empty, they refused to give me a break (or even allow me to eat in the kitchen really quickly) and I made like 3 "careless" mistakes in a row...got this whole speech about how I'm a horrible employee (not true...I was kind of like super employee - working really hard was my way of not feeling the pain, at the time!) and how she would fire me if I didn't become more enthusiastic (even though it wasn't a lack of enthusiasm at all...I was just miserably sick - and at the time had made the mistake of keeping that to myself.

I'm glad you're able to recognize that it's your boss and not you that's the problem in this situation. While I may not always follow my own advice, I really think the best thing you can do in situations where someone is being abusive (I've got some mental illness in my family so I deal with my fair share of it) is to make up for how mean they are to you by being that much nicer to yourself! Take extra care of yourself, and hang in there. While I doubt anyone would choose this for themselves, it does build character!