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Anyone else feeling "blue"? Fighting depression!

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Posted 12/21/2012 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
I'm really struggling for the past week w/ depression. I had a couple of weeks when I felt fairly decent physically, but started w/ a bad flare on Sunday that's still going. I'm feeling very depressed. I think there are many things contributing - feeling so bad physically, having to nap a lot because of it, it's cold and dreary out, I feel unproductive, I feel lonely, Christmas is soon and I had hoped I'd be feeling better by now. I also increase my minocycline dosage last week, so maybe that's it?

I'm feeling on the verge of tears most of the day right now. I went grocery shopping this morning and got so freaking sick while at the store, I ended up crying on the drive home. I just want to feel normal again. The weakness, fatigue, malaise, and neuro. symptoms are really getting to me.

I'm also having a REALLY difficult time handling the Newtown tragedy. I feel like I'm grieving along w/ the town even though I don't even live nearby. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I have a bit of PTSD from it. I used to teach Kindergarten and I have a son that's currently 7 and in first grade. I keep waking up from nightmares that I'm in my former classroom trying to hide students as someone is shooting or that it happens at my son's school. And yesterday, I was eating out and had the sudden thought of "where would I hide my kids and escape to if someone came in and started shooting". Crazy, I know!!!! I've never before experienced depression and/or anxiety like this over something that happened that I saw on the news. I don't know if I'm experiencing this due to the Lyme Disease messing w/ me psychologically or because of the circumstances of the tragedy??? It's incredibly horrific and I'm really having a difficult time NOT thinking about it.

All of this depression is foreign to me. Before I got sick, I didn't have depression or anxiety. I guess I'm just feeling very lonely right now also. My days consist of taking care of my toddler and just trying to function until she goes down for nap and I can lay down. Then, I'm up from nap, trying to function to get my son off the bus and take care of them all evening until bedtime when I can lay down again. What kind of a life is that?!?!? I don't have any energy to actually enjoy life. It's all just trying to make it through the day...

Sorry for the vent. Just feeling down and I guess I needed to get it out. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. My husband's too busy w/ work, trying to support our family and my other friends and family are busy LIVING their lives.

Anyway, thanks for "listening"
Posted 12/21/2012 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
You and I are in the same boat today! This depression thing is horrible. I just keep trying to find things to take my mind off the depression. It's tough, no doubt about it.

I'm past Doxy onto Mino (2)/Plaq at night and Azithro/Plaq(Hydroxychroloquin) in the morning. Mino has never made me herx, doxy did pretty hard. I'm going off-topic because Im am curious as to if you have experienced any herx reactions to Mino?
Posted 12/21/2012 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
This forum is great for venting, even if people don't respond right away you can "see" that they are reading :O). You are not alone, and you are especially not alone with the Newtown tragedy. One of my coworkers has a kindergartener and when I brought it up this week she started crying. Our other labmate said she had a really rough weekend and she couldn't stop being so upset about it, needless to say I did not bring it up again!
Heck, I don't even have kids and the day after I heard about it, I saw the cutest little boy at a gas station and I got sick and told myself to calm down b/c I just ...I mean its just unthinkable. AND you were a teacher. You might not live near there, but that sounds pretty close to home to me.
I understand about not having anyone to talk to. My hubby kind of knows what is going on but I try to just be optimisitic and keep him out of it as much as possible. The sucky thing is he has had to take over that optimisitic role and he isn't nearly as good as it as I am but oh well.
I'm sending you positive anti-depressant thoughts right now!
When I start feeling really crappy I plan what I am going to do when I get better. First on my list is Harry Potter land in FL at universal studios. Its magical. No really, it is magical. Then I'm going to pay off my small student loan (not nearly as exciting), and THEN I'm going to go to Honduras. I keep looking at all these pretty pictures for when I feel better!
I should really start with something small like...puttputt golf lol but well. Maybe I'll work on that short list the next time I start feeling icky. I also have a short list for the days when I feel okay of chores that I want to get done. Then I do a few when I'm feeling okay and when I don't feel great there aren't so many chores and I don't have to worry about it.
Posted 12/22/2012 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Mystery-
So sorry you are having a rough go of it. I get like that at times too. I know how my mind gets so I have almost totally avoided watching anything about Newtown. I know me and where my mind can go. I am suggestible and though friends love me for being able to empathize with their struggles, strangers have no idea that I am walking a mile in their shoes as well. I still have never see the people jumping in the 911 tower. The thought of that image burned into my mind was too much for me so I have avoided it to this day and I live in a community where most of my neighbors lost someone that day.

Having kids can make it harder for you to be able to have those bad days. I work on those struggles daily. I find that when I'm struggling I turn to a big distraction. If I should be baking cookies, I just set aside my to-do list and look for something funny. I find a comic routine, or a funny show on tv or on line. I like funny shows like Raising Hope or I watch the movie Elf so I can just laugh. That really helps me.

If I feel jittery because of my mood, I grab something to do with my hands. I grab some play dough ('borrow from my kid') and just build and destroy while watching something funny or I pick up knitting needles and try to knit - just a scarf! That's all I've ever been able to do and barely successfully. Hang in there. It gets better. You do turn a corner.
Posted 12/22/2012 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
a song that represents how I feel about being destroyed by lyme is worn
by tenth avenue n. it is on my website, I created about my lyme journey

I am trying to do it all, as I always did, I wont go down with out the strongest fight of my life

I watch silly, feel good movies to bounce back up, pitch perfect is good, corny and uplifting, cause it is for college students and a bit younger, but it is [perfec't for times of feeling so ick..

it makes me want to watch some movies from the eighties,if u saw this film, u know what I am talking about) :)


The odd of life of Timothy Green, is a sweet movie, no matter what age, it was neat.

If you all lived near me, I would invite u over for movie night,  comfy couch , tissues, and gluten free snacks.

 

Post Edited (hope2bhealthy) : 12/21/2012 7:35:51 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/22/2012 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone! It's helpful to know I'm not alone. You all have some really good suggestions!

I guess it's only natural to have times of depression like this when chronically ill. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself-expecting to be upbeat and cheery when I feel awful.

opugirl-it helps to know that others that weren't directly affected by the Newtown tragedy are struggling w/ it like I am. Thank you for sharing those stories of your coworkers w/ me!

Justascarf- That's exactly how I feel - my mind just goes there! I know what you're saying about being empathetic like that. I too am very empathetic, sometimes to a fault. It's a quality that people often love about me and is one of my traits that my hubby says attracted him to me, but it does make it difficult, as you mentioned. I've literally spent hours over the past week crying about Newtown-I feel like I can just put myself in their shoes mentally. My mind starts wondering to "what if" and it's too much. Not really the best thing for me right now, yikes! I had to stop watching or reading anything about it. I shouldn't have watched the news about it to begin with. You are smart not too :o)!
And thanks for the helpful suggestions!
Posted 12/22/2012 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Winter is a tough time for depression especially with lyme and the holidays pull you in so many directions that it exacerbates everything.  I still find myself having to take time to be alone and unwind and just think happy thoughts.  Deep breathing exercises or music seem to have a way of relaxing my brain and getting it over the hump so to speak.

 

Posted 12/22/2012 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
I also suffer from depression from the Ld. This time of year is the worse for me! Everyone enjoying the holidays n party's!
I am not very social since I have had Ld. Before I was always doing something. I get anxiety attacks if I am in to big of a crowd anymore
Posted 12/22/2012 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mystery and everyone else,

I think that this is a bad time of year, even for me.  What happened in Newtown really affected me also and I had to stop watching the news and force myself to put on something more cheerful...  Or put on a CD that makes me feel better. 

Last year I was with my boyfriend and we broke up so this Xmas I will be alone but that's okay (have my 2 cats who I will NOT dress in any Xmas outfits and my friends).  I get to save money on gifts for my ex-boyfriend and his family and I'm going to help a neighbor who lost her job and is behind her rent and bills.   And that makes me feel good. 

Remember, one day at a time...  And please vent and don't keep it inside, okay?

Denise

Posted 12/22/2012 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Mystery and All,

I too am fighting with depression / anger / frustration. It's the holidays and not the time when you want to be sick. I have been feeling better the past few weeks myself, and now the past few days symptoms are creeping back and the horrible FATIGUE!! I was very lucky to be able to do most of the Christmas shopping and wrapping. Now pacing myself so I can make it through Christmas.

The Newtown tragedy has affected me also, it happened on my birthday :( I have had to not read or watch anymore about it - it's so sad. Also I believe when you have a chronic illness you are more sensitive and empathetic as you really know how precious life is, and do not take anything for granted. All the healthy people around us do not know what it is like to deal with an illness constantly, and how it really wears on your mental state.

Most of the time I try to be positive, upbeat and laugh as much as I can. But I find myself crying more, getting angry and feeling down as well. I pray and want so much to be healthy again.

I am glad to have this forum, it helps to know I am not alone. We have to remember that we will not be sick forever. Watching a Christmas movie or listening to music helps me. I make a "To Do" list and as I am able I work on it and cross things off, even if it takes a long time. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

 

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