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Recovering from the medical/doctor trauma and letter to former drs.?

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Posted 3/20/2013 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
I know that most of us, myself included, went through many months or years being mistreated, dismissed, belittled, etc. by many physicians. I've realized recently that I have a lot of anger and trauma from it. The only Dr. that I see is my LLMD. I don't even have a PCP because I'm scared to go to a new dr. I also have horrible memories from when I was hospitalized (and treated like I was nuts then also), scared that I was dying, and had no dr. that would try to help figure out what was going on.

I don't know how to recover from this trauma. I did see a number of therapists while I was ill, before I was diagnosed, but never really found one that could help me with the medical trauma. I also found that it was pointless to go talk to someone because I was so sick physically most of the time that I wasn't able to really get much out of it.

For those of you that are further into treatment, have you been able to move past the medical trauma? What helped you get over the fear and anger?

Also, there are 3 drs. in particular that were so rude and arrogant that I can't even post the words for them on here, LOL. I want to write letters to them. Even if they toss it away and don't believe that I have lyme, it would be therapeutic for me. Do any of you have a letter draft that you sent to former physicians that I could use? I'm not really clear headed enough right now to write one from scratch.
Posted 3/20/2013 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
Mystery Illness- you can google templates for almost any type of letter and just fill in the blanks.

I just recently realized that I have to let my anger go to heal, and I refuse to waste any more of my valuable time thinking about or writing the doctors that blew me off. EVEN THOUGH I WOULD LOVE to give them a piece of my mind (but that's exactly what you are giving them, a piece of your valuable mind).

Post Edited (MomOf2WithLyme) : 3/20/2013 6:57:07 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/20/2013 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mystery! I know exactly where u r coming from! I too was thinking about sending a letter to my former internist who told me to see a psychiatrist. This is the doc who I demanded a lyme test from and told me I dont have lyme. I just have chronic fatigue syndrome and they dont know what causes it so here are some anti depressants. I think back to all the years I lost without being treated. In a way I would like the letter to be a very nasty one but then I think no I'm a much better person then that. Instead I would write a letter telling him about my Igenex results and that i am going thru treatment to try to cure it and i just wanted to let him know so he could possibly consider a lyme diagnosis for someone else with the same symptoms. I would rather try to help someone out and not have that person go thru what I did.

Mom is right. You have to let the anger go bc it will eat u up alive. Don't let those doctors win. You need to have positive energy in order to heal. Stress and negativity makes this disease worst. I know u already know that. You are a good person don't let their ignorance bring you down!
Posted 3/20/2013 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
I try eft on this, u can u tube it....


there is one just about lyme and drs


I dont feel so alone in this war, how the drs treated me the things they said, they would pass me off to the next, and I am suffering

I can identify.... they get this cozy life, financially, and I only have thousand left in my account....

so much, i feel u, just vent some of it here in so many words or journal it out, i guess,


do what feels best for u of course, but know that u are not alone with your feelings



this is so horrific all, what we all have been through

I would love to meet some of u guys one day and just have a good cry together
over some tea, or distilled water, :)

I feel closer to some of u, from the severity,magnitude of waht we all have been through, than some people I have known for years....

just sending lots of good vibes to u all, so much 'luv' and respect for u all

no one else can even begin to understand...
Posted 3/20/2013 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
AMEN TO ALL THE COMMENTS! It was my husband who had to talk me down from my fury. I was half tempted to go to them in person with ,y Igenex results and other results....some of those doctors I had seen so often during the years I was misdiagnosed that I began to view them as "friends" if that makes sense. However as soon as I mentioned lyme everything changed.

<3 <3 <3 ladies, life is way too short. I am only 33 and lost two of my siblings. My gorgeous and supportive brother and sister. My brother Cedric was 21 and my sister Kaitlyn was 17.RIP

FYI- I used to see my Psych 1x weekly, now down to 1x monthly after my diagnosis. She always had faith that something was actually wrong with me and I was not "losing it".


ALWAYS LIVE FOR TODAY, BECAUSE- you never know what tomorrow might bring-OR WHAT IT MIGHT TAKE AWAY!!!
Posted 3/20/2013 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
I'm starting to address this too.

I've focused exclusively on naturopaths and other alternative docs, because all the MD's I've seen have this air of smugness and arrogance that sets me off.

I recently realized I have to see an MD in order to apply for disability. I flipped out, went into a real PTSD reaction at the thought. I know this isn't serving me to be so tied up in a reaction. There's so much fear and anger caught up in it. I have to get beyond it to do the disability process, so I'm working on it now.

I'm working with the Hansa Center in Kansas, and their support feels HUGE in helping me with this. They do an energetic balancing, and have me doing something called the Life Vessel. I don't know why, but since I've been doing this I find it easier to release fear, anger, stories, etc. that have seemed monolithic before. I've done quite a bit of therapy in the past, but never felt such positive results from the effort before.

I find EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to very be helpful too. I've been using it when things come up as a result of the work I'm doing at Hansa.

Another thing along the same lines that I like is a CD that therapists use to do Brainspotting/EMDR. It's a method for unwinding trauma. You put it on headphones and it plays quiet music back and forth in each ear, to keep both sides of the brain activated. I use it when I'm trying to process something and I'm freezing up or blanking out. Here's the website for it if you're interested: http://www.biolateral.com/product/inner-mirror-biolateral-cd-2
(BTW, I have no connection with this website or company, just find it's a resource that works for me.)

I also finally found a good therapist last year. And I found a good couples counselor who has personal experience with chronic illness. This has been huge, to have someone who gets it from the inside, so that I feel more represented and heard in my relationship. I think it will help me have more courage to face the doctors.

All of this coming together seems to be finally giving me the support I need. It took a lot of looking and journeying though.

I wish you the best in your own journey!

Posted 3/20/2013 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
I have been really amazed by the power of both EFT and tonglen meditation. They have both been great tools for me to release whatever difficult emotions come up. I started using them both a few months ago, when I realized past trauma was holding me back. I love that they are free and available anytime. For me, they are so powerful because they are not just cerebral (like journaling and therapy, which I have used, too)... Right away they address emotion in the body.
Posted 3/20/2013 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
I just wanted you to know I have a strange thing going on too...

It started when I had cancer when I was 15,5. Since then, whenever I go to a dr, for an examination, when I visit someone in a hospital (even for a birth), in fact everything that has to do with healthcare, I'm having the following reaction: when getting home I put all my clothes and my underwear in the washing machine, I need to wash my hair, soap myself twice when showering. I know I seem nuts, but I think this might be some kind of trauma...
I literally need to wash everything off.... I even have a special coat that I only wear for these occasions... I'm nuts...
but afterwards, I feel relaxed.
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