Like an emotional joke...

I've been feeling ok this weekend, not physically (at all), but I was kind of emotionally stable. And guess what? It's already over and done with... I started crying 4 times only this evening, about meaningless shows on television. And I feel sorry for myself too... thinking it'll take a long time to get better...

I'm in an association, and the chairman resigned yesterday. Everyone wanted me to pick up chairmanship. I know I've got the qualities, and I would like to, but I'm but a shadow of what I was, not only physically, but also intellectually...

I had to tell them that I can't, too sick...

Sometimes I imagine what I could have accomplished throughout the years, must I have been feeling good, not going downhill...

I started university when I was 19, and my capacities were already going down, feeling tired all the time, bad memory... I'm more and more thinking this disease played a roll in all of this...

I used to draw and paint, not doing any of this anymore... I can only do my job and rest, I know it is in fact a lot that I can still go to work (sit at a desk all day).

All of this sucks so much...

Thank you for your kind words Lymeinthecoconut...

I can, most of the time, think about it as a kind of lesson, that I will eventually see it as (probably a very valuable) part of my life (I have prior experience with another illness), but sometimes I just can't see the larger picture of it...

I don't know about the people around me. I've never been an adult in very good shape. I've always been tired, but I know that this is just not me. Most of the people don't even know i'm sick... I was talking to a friend yesterday who asked me when things became so bad, I told her I'm very good at hiding, that things were always bad, but have gotten even worse with treatment now.

I think I've got some more work accepting myself...

I don't watch the news, haven't for years. I read it on the internet, but I can't watch it, I avoid it.

I'm off for 1 week in 5 days - I'll try to set a habit of drawing. I did some drawing a few weeks ago, and it felt really good, but I just don't feel doing anything else than sitting on my 'derrière'.

Thank you for your message. Today I'm back at work, so I have to function. I woke up very dizzy and nauseous. Like drunk and with a serious hangover.

That's something I also keep in mind, that the largest part of the people on this world is suffering beyond imagination (one of the projects we're planning with our association is to start a basic healthcare and educational program in a particular third world country).

I allow myself some self pitty once in a while, but it won't take over my whole life, it just can't (and it won't lead to anything). That's why I try to do the body/mind approach... - because those health issues have taken a lot of my resilience.

I'm in G(h)ent, you would pass 'underneath' me, I'll have to look very well to see you wave at me .

Greetings back to you

you had some serious setbacks lately, that must have had a huge impact on your tenability...

I hope though that you may improve, even if it's the slightest bit... I'm sorry you feel so lost...

Sometimes I think that these diseases are being mercyful with us, making us forget so much - such irony...

I hope you get out the moldy house as soon as possible (that will certainly make you feel better) - you'll be doing a beautiful thing taking care of your father. It's not about saving 'the' world, but you'll be saving your Dad's whole world!

Take care +Lyme,

Marie