I truly understand where you're coming from,my husband died suddenly in February 2010,too.
I still have very bad days when I long for him to be there ,I sometimes feel so helpless.
We are all going to beat this hideous disease,just think of Traveler,she never gave up hope,even after 31 years.
I'm sending you hugs and positive thoughts over the ocean,keep concentrating on baby steps and embrace the thought that you will get better,wonderful times are just around the corner for you and your beautiful little boy.
Tickled