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Posted 10/19/2013 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
Recently diagnosed with Babesia, Anaplasma, Erlichia--doc suspects I also have Lyme. Most likely all arising from a bite more than 25 years ago. Over the years I've suffered from a variety of symptoms--most significantly anxiety and severe, chronic diarrhea.

Saw a LLMD yesterday and he prescribed Biaxin 500 mg. 2x/day. I'm to take that for 7 to 10 days to judge my reaction, then begin Plaquenil 200 mg. 2x/day. He also prescribed me Lorazepam for anxiety that keeps me from going back to sleep when I wake up at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m.

I'm terrified to begin the meds. I'm already suffering from brain fog, headaches, anxiety, insomnia. I can barely function. I'm a divorced, single mom, caring for two kids--age 13 and age 10. No close friends. No boyfriend. I can barely pay the bills as it is on my inadequate salary. Alimony runs out in one year, at which point I am screwed. Stress over this situation is, I suspect, what precipitated the ramp-up of my symptoms which sent me to a naturopath and led to my diagnosis.

I feel like I am a hair's width away from falling apart as it is. I don't think I can hold my life together if I experience a herx reaction. I have family in the area, but they are incapable of emotional support. Thankfully, they are able and willing to help me financially--but how much, I do not know. I should be looking for a better-paying job right now. And I have sent out many resumes. But no responses. So here I am, alimony runs out in one year, I cannot meet my bills as it is, and I'm barely able to meet the requirements of the stressful job I already have. I have the prescriptions that may or may not help me to recover, but I'm terrified to begin taking them lest I lose complete control of my life.

I'm so very, very scared. And I feel so very, very alone. I'm 48 years old and I feel like my life is about to end. I want to--need to--hold it together for my children. But how?
Posted 10/19/2013 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, you are not alone. We are here for you. I've only been on this forum for a few months and have had wonderful support from these awesome people who have gone down the road before me. Your family can not understand what you are going through, but we do.

Reading your post, I almost though it was me who was writing. I'm a single mother, but of a 23 year old who I should be helping with wedding plans. Can't though, because I am paying out of pocket for doctors and supplements. I have so much guilt and sadness about that.

I cant afford to miss work d/t herxing or flaring of symptoms either. I have been on biaxin for almost 4 weeks now and so far I havnt really herxed all that much, if at all. I have good days and I have days where my symptoms are worse. What I have learned is to take it one day at a time. And thats very hard.

I was on lorazepam this summer before i knew what was wrong with me and my experience was not that good. I felt shaky and strange and I was afraid of addiciton. If you can try others things, natural things, I would go that route for sleep. If you feel you are so very anxious and need the ativan, try to only take a small dose of it as last resort and not same time every day.

I am seeing a new doc in a few weeks and I am sure he's going to change my antibiotics, and that makes me a little nervous...just like you...worrying about the herxing, etc.

I do try to detox daily, so maybe thats why I'm not herxing..who knows? .....its all so confusing. Read the info at the top of the list for ideas how to detox. Just go easy with the epsom baths...I'm not the biggest fan of them, but everyone is different. A good plain bath helps me relax and I got some rosemary/mint salts (zum brand) that really helped me relax last night. I slept soooo good almost 10 hours!

Also, most importantly for me, prayer and meditation has gotten me through my darkest hours these past several months. What has helped me is turning everything over to God. again, not so easy to do. If you want more on this topic, feel free to email me.

Hang in there...your kids need you...they are old enough, the can help mom out a little :)

Hang in there, Shelly :)
Posted 10/19/2013 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
You will never be alone here, as Shelly said, so try to come here often to get the support and understanding that you need. How is your diet? That can make a difference in how you feel too. Drink plenty of water while your on the meds and that will help flush out the toxins from die off. If you can exercise a little, that would help too, but I know that can be a tough one for many Lyme sufferers.

Why does alimony stop in a year? They're his kids too. I'm sorry your family can't offer much support either. I don't get much support from family either and now it's just my brothers that are left.

Many hugs.
Posted 10/19/2013 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
Im sorry soscared but I can tell you one thing, you are in a better place beginning treatment than continuing in the condition you are in. Things can only improve. Im hoping that as your health improves so will other areas of your life. Try prayer. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs.
Posted 10/19/2013 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Soscared, Closing your eyes and hoping that the infection goes away does not work. I have tried it. many times as a matter of fact. What does work is medicine and treatment. In your hands lies your future. Do you continue to be scared and let this monster control you? Or do you do something about it for the sake of yourself and your kids?

I understand 110% what you feel. Afraid of medicine you say? I have 10 bottles of herbs in my dresser waiting for me to take them. Every day I look at them and always find a reason to "wait until tomorrow". I know these will make me better yet I am afraid to take them. How about if I get worse? What if I have an allergic reaction? What if I can't handle the herxing? You know what? deep inside me I know these are just excuses and that I feel this way because I am afraid and scared. But you know what? I used to be much, much worse before I started to take my antibiotics and now I am a little better. Many of my symptoms have gotten better. Some have gotten worse, so I can only imagine what would have happened if I had not started on antibiotics.

Lets make a deal yeah? If you take your medicine I promise to open up some of those bottles and start taking them. We will help each other get better. Are you up to the challenge?

By the way, I too had the brain fog, have always suffered from Anxiety and depression, memory loss heart problems, stomach problems and so much more. Waking up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:40 was normal for me. And then by 6:00 when I get up, I would finally start to get sleepy again. All of the above has gotten better since starting the antibiotics. Lets hope they work for you as well.

Post Edited (Healing98) : 10/19/2013 12:02:58 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/19/2013 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
How wonderful to get home and find so many supportive messages waiting for me! Thank you!

Shelly--It is good to hear that you are on Biaxin and not experiencing any severe reactions. I scared myself last night when I sat down and googled the drug and found so many horror stories. But it sounds like you're doing OK on it so that gives me courage.

Re the Lorazepam--I just don't think I want to try it. The waking up I can manage, as long as I don't let the anxiety take control. I do pretty well by grabbing a book and reading for a bit to keep my mind from taking off on an anxiety-provoked rampage. I think for the moment I'll let the Lorazepam sit on the shelf.

Re detoxing--what kind of detoxing do you do? I bought epsom salts and hydrogen peroxide, but rosemary/mint salts sound so much nicer. 10 hours of sleep?! What I wouldn't GIVE for 10 straight hours! Do you do any other type of detoxing?

Re prayer--the ramp up of my symptoms that started in August had me so desperate that I went back to church for the first time in years. I am trying really hard to rely more upon prayer. Also bought a meditation CD, but haven't tried it yet.

Garden Peace--alimony stops, but I'll still get a small amount of child support. Not enough to pay my mortgage, though. confused

Re exercise and eating right--in August, when my symptoms got so bad that I couldn't ignore them any more, I started walking for hours at a time just to escape from the anxiety in my head. The habit has held up, and I'm now walking and/or biking nearly every morning. Also cut gluten, dairy and meat out of my diet, and am now relying mostly on greens, some fruit, fish, some non-gluten grains, nuts, etc. Consequently, I've lost more than 30 pounds since August. This is the one BRIGHT side of this whole situation.

BarnGurl--I hope that once I start to get better, my life will stop falling apart and start to rebuild.

Healing98--You've got a deal. I'm going to wait until after my work deadline this week (Monday), and then take my first Biaxin. Monday night, I promise. Part of the reason I'm so afraid is that I started to take Cat's Claw and Cryptolepsis a little over two weeks ago, and the brain fog, anxiety and headaches have gotten worse again. I'm guessing this is due to herxing, and I'm afraid that the herxing will get worse when I start on the Biaxin. But I know that I need to get better, and that I won't get better without the meds. So I will start taking them. I'm just so scared. The anxiety is the worst part. I can handle the headaches, the fatigue, even the brain fog. But the anxiety becomes crippling, at times.

Thanks so much for the support. Feeling alone makes things so much worse.
Posted 10/20/2013 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to let you know I'm taking Biaxin (Clarithromycin) and have been for almost 3 months. I'm still alive. Lol

I know how you feel about being scared. I was so scared to take Bactrim that it sat on my shelf for almost a month before I mustered the courage, and now I'm on that,too, and I'm fine. Well, as "fine" as one can be with Lyme, lol.
Posted 10/20/2013 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for relating your positive experience with Biaxin, Binduspire. It's really nice to hear that not everyone has a bad experience. My anxiety is so bad sometimes as it is, I'm just afraid that a Herx reaction will push it past what I'm able to bear and still function normally. But I know I won't necessarily experience a worsening of the anxiety with the Biaxin, and I won't have a chance of lessening the anxiety for good if I don't take the meds.
Posted 10/20/2013 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
soscared- do you take anything for your anxiety?

It's one of my worst symptoms. In the beginning, I had no idea what was going on, because I never had anxiety, but now I know. I understand not wanting to make your anxiety any worse. My doctor told me mine would get worse with treatment and advised me to take something, but I still haven't.

Actually, the first time I took the Biaxin, I swore it was giving me a racing heart, so I wanted to be taken off of it. But now I really think it was the anxiety over taking medication that caused that! I think for me, the antibiotic itself doesn't necessarily cause anxiety, but it does come out in my herxes. Not fun, but it is also not quite as bad as it was 5 months ago. In the beginning of treatment, I really felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't even get in cars because my anxiety was so crippling.

There's quite a few homeopathic and herbal products for helping with the anxiety if you choose to go that route. I'm looking into a few, myself.

Hang in there.
Posted 10/20/2013 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks all.

Binduspire--As for the anxiety, I am taking only Zoloft now, which I believe is more geared toward depression (I was having suicidal thoughts, for the first time in many years, in August). Aside from that, I'm taking Eleuthero, which is meant to help with mental issues and energy levels. And the doc just prescribed Lorazepam, which I don't think I'm going to take at the moment. What other herbals would folks suggest for anxiety? I can ask my naturopath about them, as well, the next time I see her.

Violets--so you resigned eventually? Did you resign as a result of Lyme symptoms? Re taking things one day at a time--I'm trying. I am SO not good at that. I worry about things far into the future. But I know I need to get better at doing this for the sake of my health and my future.
Posted 10/20/2013 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
When I was still really really ill, getting out of bed was a lot of work. I was always just a bit more tired than when I went to bed the night before. Just getting out of bed literally wore me out. It was really hard to think of staying upright for the whole morning, let alone the whole day!

I had to only think of getting up out of bed. Once I was sitting on the edge of the bed, I refused to think of anything more than getting to the bathroom (LOL!). Once there, I only allowed myself to think of getting to the coffee pot for 1 cup of 1/2 caff coffee (sorry, but I never did completely give up my coffee!) and so on is how I conquered not one day, but months.

Had I considered the possibility of having to do that for months, I would have never gotten out of bed. Period. Thinking about staying up all day was too much!

Violets said one rock at a time, I usually say one step at a time, but we agree. I have to still remember sometimes, even the longest of trips start with one step, then another.....

So hang in there and lean on us!! smilewinkgrin
Posted 10/20/2013 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
hi sosc. :)

This is how I detox daily:

Lots & lots of purified water (britta filter)
3-4 cups green tea
minimum 1 cup detox tea

daily skin brushing before shower/bath (do feet real good...after about 1 month, the bottom of my feet are so soft and calluses are almost all gone)

fresh living foods/salads with the vegetables known for cleansing the blood-(kale, carrots) and killing bacteria naturally (onions, garlic) I found an awesome salad dressing at whole foods made with raw apple cider vinegar, ginger (which helps with inflammation) and sesame...its really yummy.
See BEMBU.COM for some good info on foods for detox


also, I have totally changed my diet:
NO sugar
NO flour
NO soda pop
minimal caffeine

Very Low Carb diet, High Protein...get most of carbs from vegetables/legumes

no white salt, but pink Himalayan Salt (there are over 84 minerals & trace elements in it) My doctor actually said 1 1/2 tsp per day! see Livestrong.com for some info

Coconut Oil-goal of 3 tbsp/day
Minimal caffeine

Of course, I am not 100% compliant...but am about 90 % & am trying really hard.

Have a wonderful sunday!
Posted 10/20/2013 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Update--I took my first dose of Biaxin 1/2 hour ago. You all convinced me that I need to just take the plunge. Wish me luck--and/or say a prayer for me, if you're so inclined.
Posted 10/20/2013 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck.

I know it can be scary. I'll have you in my thoughts. Keep us updated wink
Posted 10/21/2013 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
How about both? :-) I do wish you luck and I'll say a prayer for you!

Remember that healing takes a lot of work -detoxing, eating right, taking all of the supplements, being sure to take all the meds, drinking enough water each day, and the list goes on. But it's not something that you can't tackle! You're a tough lady - you've proven that by making it this far!!

And remember to take things one day at a time with your healing. Things will change daily, and possibly hourly on some days. Just hang in there and we are right here to help you all we can with hints and suggestions and of course, a shoulder when you need one! :-)

((((hugs))))
Posted 10/21/2013 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Prayers for you and all others here!
Posted 10/21/2013 4:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shelly-

First of all you arent alone. There are a lot of people with these opportunistic parasites/bacteria/protozoa/viruses. The combinations are painful and a lot of the symptoms we all share are the similar. I starting to believe all adults have some of these infections if you ask me.

Whats worse is the destruction these diseases can do to our mind and our relationships. Ive also experienced a divorce recently and Im absolutely convinced my Lyme (or my Bartonella fever rages) caused this.

The good news is the forums here are helpful and a great many of us have tricks for treating your symptoms. For instance, with detoxing have you tried enemas? I ask because this really helped me. I also wanted to ask if you are taking probiotics? Probiotics is a requirement when taking any antibiotics and really helped my chronic diarrhea as well.
Posted 10/21/2013 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Another update--no metallic taste from the Biaxin. No difference in my sleep patterns thus far--fell asleep by 9:45 and up for good at 4:30. This has been my pattern over the past week and a half/two weeks. Much better than the waking up every 1.5-2 hours that I was experiencing for a while.

No nausea, but I have unformed stools again. Disappointing in light of the fact that the Grapefruit Seed Extract and the probiotics that my naturopath prescribed to me a month ago had finally alleviated the chronic diarrhea that I have suffered with on and off (mostly on) for the past 20 years or so.

I am taking probiotics--in the morning I take Digestive Advantage, which I began on my own before I could get in to see the naturopath. Then she prescribed me a stronger one to take at night, as well. I've been waiting 2.5 hours after taking the Biaxin before I take the probiotic. Is this enough to keep the abx from killing off the good bugs?

Have been dealing with severe anxiety and depression this a.m. It's my usual pattern to experience emotional turmoil in the a.m., followed by a gradual brightening of my outlook. By the evenings, I am usually a completely different person from the one that woke up in the a.m.--my outlook is brighter, I don't have the dark cloud over my head, etc. This morning it has been--I need to just sell the house and move in with my parents. I need to give up custody of my kids to their dad, as I cannot provide them with what they need, etc. I cannot continue to hold down my job...This is the person I have become in the mornings. Then usually, by evening, I am my usual, much stronger, self.

Thanks for all the prayers, and good wishes.
Posted 10/21/2013 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hello soscared,

I am reading your story and my heart goes out to you. Congratulations on gathering the courage to take that huge step and begin the Biaxin. Kudos to you for finding that strength within you. And thank you to everyone here for helping you to locate that strength that we all know you have.

You are strong. You can and will complete this journey. We believe in you!

I am saying prayers for you. For all aspects of your life. May God bless you and bring you a quick improvement.
Posted 10/21/2013 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Ditto, Thrive!

So scared:
As tough as it is, please don't make any of those changes with your kids just yet anyway! Chances are that you will get through this with your children by your side! That's where they likely want to be anyway. And many (including me) find that their kids are the biggest part of their support system and if they are old enough, they are also your cheerleaders!

Many with these diseases have a rough morning, but little by little as the day goes on those feelings lift. I know I did! Try your best to remember that it's just your morning outlook, not the reality of the situation. It can be hard to get through some days, but please don't make decisions about those things when you believe to be stuck in the 'bad side' of your morning.

It's hard to wake up morning after morning, struggling with so many issues, to start another day with all of it's challenges and issues. When someone has a chronic condition though, this is what we do, put one foot in front of another and get through it. Please remember that this is only temporary!!!
Posted 10/21/2013 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, Traveler. I would never give up my kids--that is just the morning illness talking! In fact you are right--in many ways my kids brighten my days and provide me with some support during the dreary mornings. In fact, one of the reasons this morning is so horrible is that they are with their dad today (we share custody). When he has them for four days in a row, by the third day I am feeling at my absolute worst. That tells me that I need them as much as they need me. But the morning me, so full of despair, sometimes feels they'd be better off without me. In my heart (and not my disease-addled brain), I know that they are an indispensable part of my well-being and vice-versa.

Why do you suppose the mornings are so much worse than the afternoons, for many Lyme sufferers? This is a pretty consistent trend with me, and I've heard from others that it's the same for them. Is it hormonal? The circadian rhythm? Just a build-up of toxins while sleeping that moving around, eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, etc., helps to reduce? I've often wondered about this. Any theories, anyone?
Posted 10/21/2013 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
That's the problem - there are a ton of theories about why we can struggle with so many of these things in the morning, but no studies have been done on Tick-borne illnesses specifically to know what actually drives this for us.

I'm soooo glad that you understand that it's the disease 'talking' and not the real you!!! I so worry about those that don't seem to understand that and are going through family issues. Of course the stress that those situations bring sure doesn't help either! I went through a lot of this myself too.

If you know that it's happening and understand that it's quite literally the disease talking - that's at least 1/2 the battle!
Posted 10/21/2013 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
I am opposite. There are days when I wake up with that internal tremor/shaking feeling and such. But overall, I generally get worse in the afternoon. Facial numbness/tingling usually kicks in a couple hours after lunch.
Posted 10/21/2013 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
You're the opposite, huh Thrive? Do you have anxiety symptoms at all?
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