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Posted 12/8/2013 1:03 PM (GMT 0)
may I vent just a little bit? Please...?

Frustration has been piling up these lasts months... I don't know what's wrong with people...

The 'kids' subject: many people feel the urge to tell me how to proceed on that subject, just without any previous discussion or cause... Some people don't dare to ask, respect to them, cause it's no one's business but ours. I don't accuse people that show genuine intrest, I'm happy to answer them.
A few are telling me that I'd better not get children, I'm chronically ill, so why would I. My father was talking on the phone with me just a few weeks ago, saying I should bury any existing childwishes, that I'm too old now (34). Others (even very close friends, who know what's going on with me) are pushing me. Others are explicitly showing their believe that our relationship is not good, cause we don't have any children after 10 years of marriage.

If one of my friends is ill with a disease I don't know well, I look it up... I have only met 3 people that have done so. The others act surprised when I answer them that I'm still not getting better, and then back away from the subject as quick as possible...

I'm sorry for this negative post... I don't mean to make people feel negative...
Posted 12/8/2013 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Usually people catch us off-guard when making comments like that. There are so many times, in retrospect, when I wish I'd said....... It's better to get into a habit of laughing and saying something like, "Is that what you think I should do?" and change the subject. They'll never know or understand, and they'll probably come to the conclusion on some level that you didn't appreciate their advice very much. Laugh loudly. :)
Posted 12/8/2013 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi pumpkin :-)

Vent away ,we're here for you.

I have tidied up my circle of friends over the last 2 and a half years.I don't have that many close friends left but the ones I have ,are those who took the time and really listened to me when I was at my lowest.

I just don't have time for people who pretend to be interested and then promptly launch into the saga of their aches and pains.

Don't get me wrong,when my true friends need comfort,I'm there for them,it's just these fake friendships that leave me cold.

As to having babies...........I have 2 daughters,the oldest will be 32 in January and the youngest turned 30 in September.

I wouldn't ( and never have)presume to tell my children when and under what circumstances they should have children.It's not my business so I keep "mum"

These days young women are having babies later anyway........Soooooooooo what I'm saying is it's your and your husband's decision,nobody should think of meddling into something so important.

I think you need to be kinder to yourself and less understanding to some of your friends and relatives yeah

Tickled
Posted 12/8/2013 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie,

You can vent alot of bit not just a little bit..  Anytime about anything..  Some people and relatives still make my head spin with their rudeness, their questions, etc.  I try to be polite but sometimes "polite" just doesn't work.

As Tickled said, this is between you and your husband and everyone else can go take a hike!  This is a very personal decision and no one, absolutely no one has the right to say anything to you.  It does not matter if you have lyme or not, it's no one's business. 

So yes, there is much wrong with people... Sometimes I think they pry into our lives because they don't have a life of their own.  

A nice way of saying "mind your own business" is to say "thank you for your concern" and say nothing more. 

Hang in there and don't let these people upset you okay?  (I know, easier said then done!)...

Hugs to you,

Denise

Posted 12/8/2013 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
I don't have Lyme, but boy, am I familiar with your issue. My husband and I are childless (not by choice, but that's no one's business except ours.) Until we were in our mid-40's absolutely everyone, including people I just met, felt quite comfortable asking about it or telling me "you'd better hurry up." It was a sensitive subject for me, and I got to the point where my answer was "I don't talk about that." Period.

Now that I'm past child bearing age, some people still feel it's necessary to ask "why?" I now just say "It really doesn't matter, does it?" If they persist, I tell them "We all have subjects we don't want to discuss; what's yours?"

And as far as your dad goes, relax. You have plenty of time. These days women are having babies into their 40's. And if it never happens, that works out also. Good luck to you.
Posted 12/8/2013 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hugs and kisses, Marie.

Patty xo
Posted 12/8/2013 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you have a place where you can talk about it and get support. People are just rude these days and I think the 'net has encouraged that to some degree.

I had both of my kids in my 30s. Just tell people that if you weren't supposed to bear children after your 20s, then you wouldn't have the ability to do so.

I doubt you're making people here feel negative. I think we've all dealt with rudeness since this illness isn't understood by many, especially where it's not as prevalent, like where I live.

Vent some more if you need to since it can reduce the stress of it to have people who understand and encourage you. Also, see if there's a support group in your area. That can help a lot. I'm going to my group today. They meet once a month.
Posted 12/8/2013 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
Vent away!! If anyone is going to understand the issues you are dealing with (as you can see by the number of posts!), we will!!! smilewinkgrin

Although I do have to say - now I really do feel like an old fart! turn LOL!!

Between hubby and myself, we have 4 adult children and only one daughter has children of her own - our oldest daughter. She is all of 33 (LOL! I remember when I was that age!), and is now considering having another child...."soon". So you are not at all too old to have children - not by a long shot! Like has already been said - women are having children in the 40's now and a few in their 50's. As long as all the parts are working, the choice is yours!

And forgive me, but it's not your Dad's place to push you either. I have a daughter who, although she is only just turning 30, has yet to even find someone she want to have a child with! I would - of course - LOVE her to have children (she's my child by birth)- but it's not my place to push the subject, no matter how I feel on the subject.

And my son by birth also won't be having any children - due to a medical issue that his wife has - but they shared that with me so that I understood, not because I thought I knew better than they did what was right for their lives.

I agree with everything else that's been said so far here. It's just no one else's business. Although I do like SouthernChick's idea: " It's better to get into a habit of laughing and saying something like, "Is that what you think I should do?" and change the subject." devil
Posted 12/8/2013 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Southernchick, you are so right... they always catch me off guard. I can be pretty sharp in my answering. But I'm so tired that I don't have this sharpness anymore. I'll keep that answer in mind...

Tickled :-) My circle of friends has narrowed down, but some energy vampires need to be put aside... After my cancer treatment at 16 I lost almost all of my 'friends', this is going the same path. It doesn't bother me, I just get angry sometimes. I've pulled some of them through the roughest times of their life, they counted on me day and night (literally). There's not even a 'how are you M?'
I need to be nicer to myself, that's a long lasting issue I have, you are right. And be less understanding towards some others...

Denise, I often think the same thing: they must have a boring life, interfering in other people's life like that...

Judy, thank you for stepping out of 'your' forum :-) we have friends that tried to have children for 7 years, and now she was starting to ask questions each time we saw them. Until my husband reminded her about their 7 year long try to get pregnant and asked her if it was hurtful to be reminded of it by outsiders. She never ever asked again.
Some people bluntly ask my husband if he's having a fertility problem??? It happens at least once in 3 weeks...

Thank you Patty - how are you doing? I hope a bit better?

GardenPeace, It feels like there are no bounderies anymore. Not long ago, I joined a fb group about LD, just for gathering more useful information. I can not believe how people behave on that page. It's revolting.
A few months ago, I went to meet some lyme people (I drove 1 hour to get there - support groups of any kind are not a habit here in Belgium). The moment I told that I am still working, I was put aside for the rest of the meeting, they literally asked if I was not that sick. I was wondering what exactly I am supposed to do? I've been ill since I was 15, was I supposed to not work, not function for 19 years?
I'm glad for you that you have found a good group, that must be great! I'm so thankful for this forum <3

Trav, an old fart? you???? Never - if you said you were 22, I would not doubt it for a minute, honestly
:-)
Yes, I was shocked by what my father said, I couldn't even react...

thank you all... you are great
Posted 12/9/2013 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Marie-- I just read your post and wanted to apologize that I never returned your email about 4 months or so ago... I was just too sick and anxious and disorganized to find your message... But now feel pretty darn good!

So I wanted to tell you that I'm 40 and trying to conceive starting this month!!! More importantly, my LLmD has TWO daughters with Lyme-- one of whom gave birth to her 1st daughter about 2 months ago... She was on a low dose of antibiotics and the baby was healthy-- with no trace of Lyme in the umbilical cord or placenta.... My Dr. Is optimistic for her and me. So this can happen to you--

Here to support you sweetness-- try to hang with the lovers and do the best you can to separate yourself from haters!!!

So glad all of the amazing people are here for you.
Xox
Sarah
Posted 12/11/2013 9:48 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Yogi!!

I'm sorry I haven't replied yet...

Don't worry about the mailing - reading your recent posts on the forum told me that you are on the right track and feeling better, that's the most important thing! I was watching you scool - lol

Well, that's good news! I hope you'll have great news to share with us soon!

Thank you for your message :-) it's encouraging.

(so glad too, for this)

M

Posted 12/11/2013 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
If these people were in your shoes, they would understand perfectly. I was in your shoes, I had to adopt a child because I was infertile, went through thousands of dollars of infertility treatments, and then gave up and just adopted. They lyme which i didn;'t know I had at the time made me infertile. It is another "taboo" topic, and like lyme people don't know what to say or how to approach it without possibly hurting you or offending you. They aren't educated sometimes on the issue. That makes it worse. Thats how I feel about this lyme disease, people don't know a darn thing about it and can't ever comprehend what I am going through or feeling and how awful it is. They just would never know unless they had it themselves. NEVER. I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow and struggle. I can completey relate. And btw, I have the best child in the whole world, she is at the top in her class at school, she is smart, beautiful, loving, sweet, excited to be alive.... I couldn't ever in my life have even biologically created a better child myself. She is perfection in my eyes and I would have never thought I could have been so lucky in my life!!!!! I am divorced now but I feel this beautiful child was meant for me. I wish I didn't get divorced but I think my lyme had a lot to do with our problems. I don't always believe in that saying "things happen for a reason" but in this case I do!!! She is the best little girl, such a love and light in my life...
Posted 12/11/2013 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
btw ...I adopted my little girl, the best thing that ever happend to me. I am so lucky she came into my life and I couldn't have made a better child "biologically". She is everything I wish I was when I was younger, she is outgoing, funny, fun loving at heart, interested in learning, loves being with people, loves life. ... I am so blessed to know this little girl never mind be her mother....
Posted 12/11/2013 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hello my dear Marie...I hope all is well. I'm with Tickled, "I have tidied up my circle of friends over the last 2 and a half years.I don't have that many close friends left but the ones I have ,are those who took the time and really listened to me when I was at my lowest.

I just don't have time for people who pretend to be interested and then promptly launch into the saga of their aches and pains."

I can't deal with certain people any more...even friends I have had for 30 years have kept their distance. I was sad...and still get a bit sad...but it's their loss.

Secondly...I had my son at 36! No regrets and my friends were married for about 10 years before they had their daughter. They really wanted to enjoy each other and their relationship is dynamic.

Screw these folks...and I'm sorry about your father. Some men don't know what to say. I have an Uncle and someone who is like a brother and unfortunately I have to love them from a distance these days...they say things that are hurtful :-(

Hugs from the U.S.A. know we are here for you my dear and this illness will turnaround and you will be a great mother! Don't ever give up your hopes and dreams no matter what the circumstances say...

Love you!
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