End of the rope

Is Lyme suicide worth it?
Just so much going on in my head.

The macro adenoma I'm being treated for. Cabergoline 3 times a week just started to last wed to shrink and reverse the prolactin so my testosterone returns to normal.

My teeth aching these past couple days. (Bad genes I don't think I can dodge it) should I just get then all pulled? I get nightmares thinking about dentures at 24.

Is my Lyme back? Or reil infected.

I realize I will always show bands reactive.

But I also realize my symptoms can all be from the adenoma. My testosterone is low and have a prolactin level of 2700 and low vitamin d.

I realize low t can cause anxiety and muscle aches etc. as well as the adenoma causing anxiety.

I do not have problems with sight headaches or brain got balance etc. I am never really tired I can work wih no problems.

I feel like I'm going to be a medical mystery at 24. Llmd waitin list right now because they are so booked. I may end up spending my last funds on the appointment even though my Lyme may not be active?

I have no hope for myself and have to hide all this from everyone. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.

I want to marry my gf who is my soul mate. I have this thought of impending doom. I don't want to wake up thinking I'm dying.

Please if anyone can give me some insight.

The anxiety is just too much. Reading a lot of the bad things people are going through just continues my loss of hope of me getting back to myself.

What are the chances of a turn around. ? I read no cure and I read remission? Could I still be in Lyme remission from years ago and the adenoma is what's causing my severe anxiety?

I don't want to be afraid of having a fresh baked cookie my gf makes and a cup of milk. I can go on.

My grandmother now has breast cancer. My mom is in shambles on top of her worrying about my mental state.

Waiting to see an llmd just to cover myself and will continue my lexapri and cabergoline.

Sorry for the rant. I just feel like people on another Lyme forum give me no hope in returning to a close to normal life.

PS - pay no attention to those who don't believe that healing and living a good life is possible after Lyme!! I'm living proof that they aren't right!

No, suicide isn't worth it. It sounds like you have people who are concerned about you and would hate to see you do that. I was very ill in my 20s and pulled out of it. I had suicidal thoughts too, but once I was getting treated, that cloud started to lift. You just need to be your own advocate and learn all you can about Lyme.

Keep in mind that most of the people who are members here are in the midst of the same battle and not many people who have healed come here since they're getting back to living their lives.

It sounds like you have a girlfriend who cares a lot about you, so enjoy your time with her and let her help you if she wants to. Go ahead and have a cookie now and then. :)

I was in a similar situation like your mom is now, so I know how she feels. If you feel up to offering her support, that could help you and her. Anything you can do to take your focus off your illness can help.

People on here care about you too, so talk to us when you're feeling low. You're not alone in this battle.

Do you do any detoxing? That is needed to help you move ahead. A good diet is very important too. Green smoothies are helpful. I make it with kale and or collards, carrot, and apple and it's not too bad.

Don't lose hope. You're young and can overcome this. It just takes discipline. People here can give you ideas, so keep coming and asking questions. You're allowed to rant all you want here. :)

You may not get rid of every bacteria that is contributing, just like with other illnesses, but you can get your body stronger to fight harder and give you back your life. You will lighten the load of bacteria a lot with treatments. You just have to keep after them.

My daughter is a little older than you, so I worry about her, but she tries to have a good attitude, even though she's depressed. She seeks out funny things on the 'net and learns a lot of interesting things, so that helps her to relax.

Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. We care!!

Trying to keep my head up.

It's very difficult for me. I have been ocd non stop thinking about losing my teeth. They always ache because I feel like I'm losing them.

I had 4 molars pulled to make room for braces. I have a small crowded mouth. Teeth straighten. Cracked a tooth in a hockey game had it pulled.

Had two wisdom teeth pulled. So that's 7. Two root canals. And one filling from when I was a kid.

The tooth genes are not great in my family. Then an Italian diet. I guess I can't fight it.

Then I see all this Lyme in your teeth and gums. So I assume Lyme is doing it. My gums are not inflamed but reddish and I read they need to be pink so I assume gym disease.

Dry mouth but that could be from barely eating these past week. Just don't want to eat. Because I read people about gluten and sugar and soy and so on.

I'm going to the dentist Thursday. I can't stand it.

Then I have the macro adenoma and symptoms overlap with Lyme. The bad anxiety is one of them.

I was symptom free for years then something triggered me to go online and read about diseases (specialist thinks it was the pit tumor) Would lay in bed thinking about diseases and symptoms then would actually have them from thinking so much.

Met my gf no medications and it all went away. Then she goes away to school and something triggers the anxiety. I get on Lyme forums remembering I had it and downward spiral of worries.

Get over it and a year goes by no symptoms. Then she goes away again and I get stressed out again.

They tested me last year because of ed problems and no libido. T levels were low but normal range.

This November test me again and saw low. Ran the MRI and saw the tumor. Then I worry low t at 24 and read it can cause diabetes and heart problems. I am skinny and pretty fit.

But I have developed what seems to be a light milk sensitivity about 3 years ago. Or gluten I can't tell. Just some gas after eating. Then I read Lyme and leaky gut? Or causing these Allergies. Or just anxiety giving me this weak gut?

It never ends. I want these to go away.

And now my body just aches and I stress from worrying. I wake up with night sweats from what I hope is my prolactin level of 2700.

I am going to see an llmd just because but idk what to think.

Is it genetics and the tumor and anxiety ? Or is Lyme just ruining my life. I don't want to think about being in pain for the rest of my life. That's why I have these thoughts.

I want to marry my soulmate and be happy.

I can work and do everything without any issues. I just don't know what I think. I read so much into everything. :(

Post Edited (dvlsfan30) : 12/10/2013 2:16:28 PM (GMT-7)

Well, I can tell you one thing -possible Lyme and pituitary tumor or not - you need to eat and eat healthy. Not eating well will only encourage more health issues to develop - believe me!

I was under extreme stress many years ago as my last husband had his arm amputated in a horrid accident. I had to leave 3 kids at home to stay in the hospital with him ( I was home schooling them), with a full working farm going. Then one year later, he developed a rare cancer that was very aggressive. Three years of chemo and everything else and it didn't save his life. I was a total wreck, and all of that stress made my appetite leave. It was just gone, so I struggled to get any food down me. I ended up not only 30 lbs under weight, but malnourished and that's when my Lyme and other tick-borne infections really let loose in my body.

Being under that kind of stress - whether self made or it just happens - and allowing yourself to not eat or even just not eat healthy will result in even more issues. The body needs fuel to function and good fuel to fight off the effects of disease and illnesses.

Same goes for you. It doesn't matter if you have Lyme and a pituitary tumor or not - you must eat and eat healthy. I have to force myself to eat from time to time, simply because I know I have to. It's not pleasant, but I refuse to allow myself to be sick again, and one of the first lines of defense is a good diet....with some cookies added in from time to time.

So whether you feel like it or not, you need to eat healthy. You want a future with your girlfriend? Eat healthy and be proactive with your health. Don't wait around for things to happen to you, start taking this into your own hands -start with the basics -eating right and getting enough water. From there, you can build a plan for treating/dealing with most anything.

Sorry, you evidently brought out the Mama bear in me! Please, you must believe in your future, dvlsfan - you do have one, and you get to write it at least some. Write a happy story and work to make it so! I bet your GF would agree!

Best of luck with the new meds. I just read a bit about the type of tumor you have and high levels of prolactin for both men and women. You have a good chance of a very normal life!! Even if you do have Lyme disease, you have a great chance at a normal life to be honest!

Both of these things are very treatable, although I do hope that you only have the pituitary tumor to deal with - that's enough!

Rather than spending time on the net getting worried over things that you shouldn't, maybe you could turn to a hobby or write an old fashioned letter to your girl?

Hang in there! I bet you will be better soon!

Of course you knew the answer would be, "no." Many of us have had those thoughts when we hit bottom. My problem is that I feel so isolated, and don't have anyone to help me (I'm single, no children). I also feel judged by others, ie, "she's crazy, hypochondriac, etc." What I do when I get low is focus on my dogs. Dogs are a big responsibility, but could you get a cat, a bird, or some sort of pet?


The other thing that helps me is to go out in the woods, esp. on good days.

Books are good; a hobby is good. I like to crochet, even when it makes my knuckles sore as crap.

Find other folks with Lyme!!

M

Just want to say that the feeling of "doom" will go away with treatment. I once read that when that sinking feeling of doom and ending it all comes over you, think of it as the lyme bacteria telling lies to your brain. That helped me realize even on the darkest days it was the illness creating the feeling and that it would go away and it eventually did.

Once they find out if you have lyme or a co-infection you will know more how to proceed. Just follow the other members advice you will get through this! And how lucky are you to have a loved one by your side as you work at getting well.

Keep the faith, post here whenever you need positive thoughts, this forum is a great lifeline.

Reading the threads--Healing98... I'm so sorry you're that sick. Sending you love. Glad - so glad to hear your daughter is ok from her accident .

Dvlsfan-- hang in there. What wonderful advice from the other members. I also was on the "I want to end it train" earlier this year... Now that I'm almost entirely healed I look back in disbelief.. Not who I am.

I still have some days I'd rather not think about but when all is said and done I decided I couldn't do that to my man, who loved me me than anything (so I've discovered while battening Lyme and co.), and my family. And thank god because my life starting to get really good again. Hang in there k? Be a detective and treat the anxiety with meds until you are in a better place...

Dvlsfan I wondered the same thing like "great, I'm never going to be able to have a drink or eat carbs etc. etc. "

Not true at all. In general, I do maintain a healthy diet - not to the extent that I did when I was sick but you know what, when I want a freaking cookie - I HAVE a cookie. When I want a drink - I have a drink. I still have issues with yeast though they are mild so I don't drink beer and I only occasionally have wine or a cocktail but it doesn't bother me one bit.

In fact - a nice factoid for you. Absinthe - the drink - was originally invented as a malaria preventative used by the French. Have you heard of artemesia? It is artemesia absinthium where the name got its term from. Although artemesia annua is the preferential herb. Still pretty neat though.

I wouldn't recommend it for treatment though!

Just left the dentist and they checked out everything. Said my guns look great. Do need to get two crowns replace. One on a root canaled tooth and one on a tooth that has the root still

Told them about the Lyme and he said that he believes the pain is from anxiety and the crowns being messed up hence needing the replacements from clenching my teeth in my sleep He said the proof is in my 4 front teeth being thinned down at the bottoms from grinding.

Need to have a mouth guard made.

Now idk why I can't listen to the dentist. I read online people say you need to go to a bio dentist to get teeth checked out.

The Lyme scare is still scaring me. I explained it to the dentist.

Just the overlapping symptoms with the macro adenoma and Lyme still givng me anxiety from thinking I won't live a normal life.

I just think of the worst case scenario. Like I been getting a hot feeling over my chest when I'm severely stressed. Then I think of back flow of blood in the heart?

Then I think Lyme again. Tryin to have hope I will be back to normal and be able to go back to my regular life and get that job.

I haven't even started my life yet thanks to anxiety.

Another question, with a Lyme test say someone is in remission or it is fully eradicated from someone's body, your body will always test showing you have the antibodies?


Just need a glimmer of light. I read stories of how bad some people have gotten. I feel so selfish sometimes.

Going to see llmd soon hopefully. My symptoms aren't bad but just read a lot of bad situations and makes me hopeless

Post Edited (dvlsfan30) : 12/12/2013 10:12:39 AM (GMT-7)

Trying to stay relaxed. I just keep reading and just thinking if it's Lyme and these sugar free carb free dairy free meat free all organic diet. Idk how I would be able to do it.

I'm also 24 and haven't finished my bachelors yet. Afraid of finances as well.

I don't see any remission stories of people going back to their normal life. Just scared so much. I just think about a painful life or how am I going to be able to live another 30 years.

:(

Hi there,

You can find answers and healing. Some come slowly and some come quickly. It is a journey up ups and downs but always progressing up as you take steps to address each problem you encounter. Your feeling low is a symptom. It isn't you. Don't let something that isn't you dictate to you.

That said. I saw a psychiatrist who ran all sorts of blood tests on me to see what was the source of my depression and anxiety (I not knowing I had Lyme and Bartonella at the time). One of the test he ran was prolactin. He told me that high prolactin levels can be a cause of depression. I am a female. My levels were not high so that was not my source of the anxiety and depression. Bartonella was the source for me. I googled high prolactin and looks like there are medications that address this issue don't know much about it but again,a cording to the psychiatrist, high prolactin can cause depression. It looks like you have a few things making you feel the way you are...pituitary, low testosterone, high prolactin and Lyme can each individually cause depression. It is no wonder you are feeling the way you are. But there is always hope. Hold onto hope. Climb each hill as you come to it. Each step is one closer to your healing.

On a practical note. Neurotransmitter testing by Pharmasan Neuroscience labs was helpful to me to show what levels of amino acids were low in my system and how to supplement accordingly. The aminos directly affect mood.

All the best on your journey. One step in front of the other...

And like Dory said (or was it Nemo's dad?)...just keep swimming, just keep swimming....just keep swimming