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Posted 2/6/2014 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hello community,

I am kind of lost at this point. I am not the one with Lyme but my Girlfriend is.

She acquired Lyme about 5 years ago and let it go untreated until now. She has been officially diagnosed with Stage 3 Lyme about 2 weeks ago.

And I knew she had it prior to this. She would have some pretty nasty symptom attacks at the most random of times. I guess I also didn't notice until recently that she had been slowly becoming detached from all the people around her. Thinking people don't matter. All over the course of the last year... Well this last Saturday was my turn...

I'm so lost and confused about this. I don't believe they have started treatment yet as she has testing that still needs to be done.

I need to know if I should continue to be there. I am the only one, besides her Grandmother, that believed her about this. Her parents still dismiss it even though she has written proof. And I can't stand the thought of her pushing me out for this because all I want to do is support her.

Can somebody give me some guidance? Information? Help?

This is not how she is. She's never been like this as long as I have known her... (about 2 years now).

Is this something that will go away? Will she want me back in her life?

Please Help...

Edit: I can and will move mountains to help her. I've already gained so much knowledge from researching this over the last few months. I knew what to expect, but I didn't expect to not matter in the least bit to her.

Post Edited (DayMillz) : 2/6/2014 8:03:52 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/6/2014 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
She is lucky to have you. I can only speak from my own experience--yes, Lyme can cause a patient to want to withdraw from society. Both because of the way that it affects the brain, and because Lyme patients frequently feel so lousy that they haven't the energy to socialize. Being with people feels like too much work, even though I, personally, am desperate for connections because I feel so alone. I believe this will pass if she gets proper treatment. Have you let her know how devoted you are to the idea of helping her get through this?
Posted 2/6/2014 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Absolutely I have. I have been nothing but faithful and devoted to her. And I don't know if she see's it.

And While, I may have been a little less in past months (due to work and other stressors, its no excuse I know) I had assumed she knew that if she needed me I would be there in a heartbeat. But maybe she needed deeper support than that. I spent so much time looking at our future instead of focusing on the present.

But yes, she said she's leaving me this past Saturday, and the little to none explanation I got from her absolutely boggled my mind and came out of left field it seemed...

At the same point I knew that she was slowly detaching herself from a lot.

After my initial breakdown, I made it clear that I will not stop trying to help her. I'm just questioning myself at this point though. I mean I'm not being forceful with her, but kind of shoveling some info her way and keep reassuring her that she is and will never have to be alone for this.

Edit: I have just been informed that she will be using the GAPS diet, starting tomorrow. Any knowledge as to if this will help with the detachment that's going on?

And I need serious help her because this woman is everything to me and i cannot stand to see her go through this alone. I cannot stand to see her lose herself. I love her and she has helped in my life more than any one person can realize. She deserves to be supported... I can't just let it go...

Post Edited (DayMillz) : 2/6/2014 12:23:13 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/6/2014 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
First of all, welcome to the forum! You're a good person for wanting to help her through this. She needs to be seen by a LLMD or LLND (Lyme literate Medical doctor or Naturopathic doctor) for the best help. You or she could do a post here titled "Looking for LLMD in (city and state) and make sure your email is enabled in your profile so someone can send you a name. We can't post that info. on the forum.

It could be that she feels better when alone than she does with people around and maybe she's letting you go so she won't be a burden on you. Just some guesses. You could write her a letter explaining how you feel about her and letting her know you're available if she should need some help and she might hang onto that.

You could read through the "New to Lyme" thread at the top of the page and learn more about Lyme and treatments and detoxing (very important to do!). It will help you understand it better and see how it can affect people emotionally.

The GAPS diet could help some of her symptoms, but she needs to do more than that.

It's a hard thing for you to see her go through and not be able to help. I hope she will get on some things to help with her infection and let her return to being herself. I wish her and you the best.
Posted 2/6/2014 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, that's the conclusion I am coming to is that she seems to want to be alone more than anything.

I'm sure the specialist she is seeing is an LLMD.

Her lifestyle previous to this is quite different than what she was needing to do. So That's what Doc is starting her out on, for about a year or so? Unfortunately I don't have ALL of the details on me...

I know at least some part of her is "saving me the trouble" or "burden" of dealing with this. I just hope she will come to find that that is not the case.

I have been researching Lyme on and off for the better part of the last year, but more frequently as of mid January. I've come to learn so much about it. I've looked into the "Gerson Therapy" if anyone knows anything about that. But I suggested that she try a more organic/natural approach if available first, but she didn't even ask and Doc put her on the GAPS diet. Starting tomorrow.

Like I said, I don't know all of the details but I will find out what I need to know. If she needs me I'll be there in a heartbeat, as stated above.

I'll definitely tell her it would be a good idea to look here. Everyone here supports everyone so much. And maybe because so many people here are afflicted with it... they can support her more than I ever could.

Still, won't stop me from being there for her.

Thank you very much. Keeping my fingers crossed.

If anyone continues to have insight/opinions, I am more than grateful for contributions.

Thank you...

Damon

Post Edited (DayMillz) : 2/6/2014 2:28:44 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/6/2014 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Damon,
We can only support your GF in ways that you can't because we've been through it. You will be able to support her in ways we can't, because you're there with her. Learning about these infections is something that will benefit both of you.

As others are saying, don't let her pushing you away stop you from being there for her, just be careful to not push her. Much of what she is/will be going through will be very personal, very difficult, confusing and frustrating and much of it will be out of her control - even her actions/emotions may be at times.

I was lucky enough to have a man fall in love with me even though I was ill - and then I entered into the most debilitating period of my life. I pushed him away - really hard sometimes!!! - yet he never went away, only gave me my space. I'd love to tell you all the things he's done for me, but there's just not enough space here. Just please remember, patience is an amazing virtue.

I know many of us have felt at one time or another that we just don't want to put someone else through 'that' - our treatments and ups and downs. We don't know what today holds, forget about tomorrow! Sometimes it can be all we can do to get through the next hour, there's no way we can consider next week.

We would love to have her as a member here and be part of her support team!! Please do suggest that she at least come and check us out!

In the mean time, you might find this other site helpful. I came across it one day while looking for a way to help someone else understand what their spouse was dealing with, but it's for anyone with a loved one that has Lyme disease:
www.lymespouse.org/‎

Although it would be a bit awkward if both of you were posting on this forum, I would encourage you to continue to come here for information and understanding at least until your GF chooses to join us.
Posted 2/7/2014 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
Well she is absolutely worth it to me, even if I am pushed out. I will be there when she needs me.

Honestly I don't care how debilitated she feels, I just hope that she will learn to not be afraid to tell me something, or let me be there. But I also cannot argue with the fact that she will need and want time alone. I'll stick by her.

And I will send her this way absolutely.
Posted 2/10/2014 10:06 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to add and agree on what Garden Peace and Soscared wrote.

Sometimes it's too much fuss to have people around, cause we can feel very bad. My husband has irregular working hours and people often call him for help.

I need him at the house to help me, but on the other hand I feel more at ease when I'm home alone. It sounds horrible, but I want to choose when to be left alone and quiet. Gosh, that sounds selfish...

I'm annoyed when he's not there, and I'm annoyed when he's there (he's pretty intense, hyperactive).

It would be a good idea to suggest her to have a peek at the forum, it might help her a lot.

Posted 2/10/2014 2:24 PM (GMT 0)
It's true when you are sick all the time and have a hypersensitive nervous system everything can be an irritant. Unfortunately even people you love.
Posted 2/10/2014 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Day, I think it's so great you are doing what you can for her. Please keep posting! We are here for you!
Posted 3/29/2014 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hope Damon checks back in on this thread -

I'd like to echo everyone's comments. "Hypersensitive to irritants" is key. Irritants for me, are just about everything - sounds, stimulation, other people's energy. Unfortunately, I have experienced a drastic change in my personality over the past 10 yrs and woke up one day completely, utterly alone. I have alienated all my friends (with the exception of 4, who of course live very far away). I'm not estranged from my family but I don't have good relationships with any of them, particularly my mother. We have superficial interaction, which can be frequent and all the more frustrating.

Until I realized it was a symptom of my illness, I just thought I was becoming an awful person and I literally could not stop it from happening. I haven't had a healthy romantic relationship since before I got sick.

Despite my incredibly unbearable loneliness - I crave being alone. I shy away from social engagements and even more from personal one-on-one interaction and don't like meeting new people. And like a previous poster stated - if I did have a partner it would be a constant tug-of-war between needing to be alone and pining for companionship and I'd hate to put someone through that - if there was ever a person who would even be remotely interested in me in this condition. My brain is not my own.

My career, which is (was?) dependent upon being extroverted and engaging might be over. Isolation can be a scary thing.

I had a good friend who was dealing with her own health crisis and years of frustrating healing processes. She and her husband of 3 yrs were happy but she felt exhausted and guilty "sharing" her illness, which had consumed their marriage and finally divorced him. She was finding herself incapable of relating to him on such an intimate level (not just sexually but emotionally) and it scared her. Living with him was a constant reminder that she was 'broken'. They remain best friends, though, and she's stated that it would be a wonderful thing to reunite once she is healthy.

Damon - you are a wonderful soul caring for her as you do. There are ways to remain supportive and engaged yet more remotely. Hang in there and continue to visit the forum.

-p
Posted 3/29/2014 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there. She will very likely improve with treatment and begin to remind you of the person she was. The disease effects personality and causes brain swelling. There is def a mental and physical healing process she needs to go through. She may feel worse before she gets better. She should focus on taking medication, resting and diet. I hope she has a llmd who is helping her. good luck yo both of you.
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