Does anyone ever think they would be healthier...

If they weren't with their partner?

I'm experiencing it from the other end. My Girlfriend just left me and is leaving me in the dark and pushing me away.

And all I wish I could do is help. I know I don't know exactly every aspect. but the decision you make here matters, and it does come down to whether he is supporting you or not.

I know I wish I could be with her right now, helping her plan this all out and falling asleep with her at night, even if I'm not touching her, just to be there with her would mean the world because I know this is an absolutely terrible thing.

You're objective should be simple. Is he supportive or isn't he? If he is... don't abandon him but sit him down and show him some things so he has a better understanding, because since I've been researching I understand more than ever.

And I know my Girlfriend needs time. So I understand it a little more. Knowledge is power.

If he's a good guy, hold onto him. That's my opinion.

For instance tonight I felt horrible, I had two cardiology appts today and I asked for help with a grocery list because I couldn't think straight. He said "Seriously, is it really that arduous a task that you need help. Can you use some grey matter here?". I said I felt sick and I couldn't think straight. I don't know how to work on our relationship when I'm consumed with what's happening with my health and my babies likely have this, from me. It's too much, and then to fight with him on top of it. It makes me want to build a wall and not let anyone in. Nobody gets it, unless they have it and even then it's not the same for everyone.

He does go to appointments, when I was pregnant with our babies, our youngest is 15 mths, he didn't miss one on appt. the thing is he likely has chronic lyme too. His symptoms aren't as severe yet, but I've been sick and untreated most of my life. I'm in my 30s and started with symptoms in early elementary school. He had a tick bite in 2010 with rash and only two days of doxy. He is a vet and has PTSD too. He's an RN and works weekends and was a full time student working towards his masters up until today. He dropped a class. Anyway I know I'm far from perfect but I do feel he seems to really f me up, pardon my French, when I'm most vulnerable. He is trying to help around the house and with the babies the past few days because I basically had a melt down and flipped out on him and called him lazy the other day. I'm sick and I have no choice but to get up you know.? I just started Counciling with a lyme literate ILADS LCSW, and she's awesome. We defiantly will be going togehter at some point.

Post Edited (Maine76) : 2/7/2014 7:37:28 AM (GMT-7)

@achievinggrace

I am fully behind your response and that was the exact same thing that pushed me to realize that I needed to sit down and learn to fight it, not my (currently ex) girlfriend. In your response you said it perfectly, "One time my husband (sweet and generous man) asked me a question and when I couldn't get my Lyme-addled brain to respond, he yelled, It's not a hard question!" I actually had the ability that day to say, "Yes, for me today it is an impossibly hard question." And that helped him."

Sitting down and learning about it is what I needed to do. I am so much more understanding and since showing her this site, she knows she can come here for help and/or opinions.

I don't think I contracted it from her. (I say that because of the different theories of transmission) So my situation is different, and my relationship with her isn't as deep yet (I say this in a hopeful manner, I keep my fingers crossed hoping to find a way to show her what I'm made of. To help in any way possible.)

I am so much more Lyme-literate now. And every morning, even though she doesn't answer my phone calls, I still call and leave a voicemail, just strictly to show her that I support her. (She starts her GAPS diet today and it's a big lifestyle change for her and she is very overwhelmed already) My voicemail this morning consisted of, "hey babe, I'm just calling to see how you slept, I know that today is a big day for you, it marks a day of great change and opportunity, while it will be rough and hard, it's a mountain I know you can climb, I'm already so proud of you and I'm more than happy to hep whenever you feel you want it or need it."

I know I won't get a necessary response to the voicemail, but it's all about encouragement, and it took me to sit down and realize just how real Chronic Lyme can be and how detrimental it is to the individual.

@achievinggrace, my girlfriend is in the same state that you were in where you thought you would be better off alone. While I am persisting I'm not overwhelming, to where before I was informed I would persist and be overwhelming. Just the information I have been learning is absolutely phenominal.

As I stated last night, Knowledge is power. And to add to that. Communication is key.

There's a motto I live by. Some may think it's stupid because of the origins of this motto just because it is from a video game from the 90's. But it resonates within me to this very day.

It is a dying soldiers last words in the game and it is the truest thing that I have learned to live by, and it has taken me over many obstacles, while I may not have chronic Lyme, I have dealt with deep depression and paranoia for the longest time.

The quote is, "Fighting was the only thing I was good at, but at least I always fought for what I believed in."

And if i believe in something I won't quit fighting for it. I believe in her, and while I cannot exactly come out swinging and fight her battles for her. I will fight for her everywhere she needs some fighting to be done that she can't do alone.

To end this there is one more quote I would like to post. It's very relevant, I feel, and you may find some hope within it.

"We can tell other people about having faith... what we have faith in, what we found important enough to fight for. It's not whether you were right or wrong, but how much faith you were willing to have. That decides the future."

I know I don't know the struggles of everyone here, or the pain and sorrow everyone has to go through here. But from what I'm seeing and hearing, while you may want to be alone, it is always good to have good support.

And the biggest thing, have faith in yourself. It's much easier said than done. But if you can learn to struggle and push through, then you can put faith in yourself to overcome anything. Whatever you have faith in. Believe in it. Continuously. Never give up.

If you sincerely believe in your significant other and believe that he/she has the potential to help and push through, no matter what, even if it gets rocky. Then don't let go. If he has the capacity to learn to fight with you instead of against you. Then believe you can get there.

Belief and Faith.

You all are amazing for all the struggles you overcome. My girlfriend is my hero, and all of you are my heroes. I'm proud to be associated with all of you.

Keep your chin up, whoever ends up reading this. Because you are worth more than you will ever realize.

Post Edited (DayMillz) : 2/7/2014 10:09:19 AM (GMT-7)

Daymillz, you sound like a great guy...and I hope your ex sees that sooner than later. Thanks for the concern for all of us, too. It's great to see someone not infected taking on the challenge of learning about this disease.

Yes he knows it cause brain problems, that's exactly why I find what he says to be so cruel. One minute I feel connected with him and after some remarks I swing to the other extreme where I feel I could just walk away. Isn't that horrible?

I do feel like he messes with me and then tries to turn things around.

Sometimes I think he's just mean. It feels
Like everything is a contest with him too. By that I mean, I have PVCs and he says he's experimented way worse etc etc. I passed out last night from a high heart rate and he really wasn't very nice and today I have a nice goose egg. I'm
Just at a loss. I feel like things are s*#!, and I can't and don't have the energy to fix it and he makes me not want to try.

A contest is not so good. My ex-bf and I had a "contest." If I said I felt bad, he would say he felt worse. If I said I had a bad day, his day was "worse," and so he never provided support, but just bounced off of whatever I said, and talked about himself.

If you passed out, and he wasn't nice, all I can say is, proceed with caution . . . .
you
Are your parents still alive, or could you go stay with a close friend for awhile while you take care of yourself without distractions?

I broke up with J. after my father had died and I had had a complete thyroidectomy. I was a little better, but I knew things were finished with him, and I had the date sort of "scheduled" in my mind, although my therapist had said, when you're ready to do it, just do it that day.

Fixing things might be easier than you think. You just move out, or whatever. But . . . you may want to correct the situation with your heart first, so you don't go into a tailspin.

My suggestion for now (and I'm a bit hypocritical) is just to work on yourself, and try to ignore him as much as possible. Put yourself first, and don't let yourself get caught up in the drama. Men don't like to be ignored, ha ha!

Maine, how many children do you have, and how old are they? I forgot.

XX Margarert

Oh yes, that's right. I remember now. Having six children makes things more difficult relationship-wise, huh?

Are the children at all helpful, and do they understand? Can your older daughter and your 13-year old son help take care of the younger ones?

If you got separated, then you would have to be alone with six children until it was your husband's turn. But then when it was his turn, you would get some peace and quiet.

I can see why your situation is difficult. Does he at least help with the children?

My suggestion (for now) would be for you to concentrate on yourself, and on whatever you need to do for the kids, and ignore him as much as you can. As I said, don't get caught up in the drama.

That should either help, or it will become clearer to you what you need to do.

My ex bf has a close friend who has five children (I think), and he did get a divorce from his wife. I don't know how difficult it was, but he's an easy-going type, and he never gets sick. His ex-wife does get sick quite often, but she has tons and tons of friends.

Feel free to email me anytime. Please work on your heart right now, and forget about trying to get along with hubby. Just get through the current crisis.

Margaret