Can't Stop Crying

Some people are a waste of skin, I hate to say it but I'd think it anyway so there. I can be rotten. Lol
One if my long time friends laughed when I told her why I was sick all the time. I can't post what I think of her it's not allowed...... She is one if the most self absorbed people I've had the misfortune of knowing and wasting time on.
I have also helped many a friend in need, one way friendships are not friendships.

But like Buddha said, "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"

It's hurtful and it does evoke anger and rage... Especially if you have Bart;)
It is invaluable to have people who really get it xo

I love this poem
It is called "Call Back"
It reminds me of all the posts I have read of people who have 'called back' to me and let me know they made it through and gave me hope that I would and will too....

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back­;
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perchance, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That when the heavens thundered and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

O friend, call back and tell me, for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;
But there are mists between us, and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky,­
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back,­
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

- Selected
(Quoted in Streams In The Desert devotional)

Coccoon, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation   Do you think you might be herxing badly from your tx protocol? One of my herxing symptoms is crying that I can't control. I believe it is neurological. I usually go 4 or 5 days of crying and it is not pleasant. Is there anything new that you have started lately that could possibly be causing this?

I am SO glad you are feeling a tad bit better! I should say I took Holy Basil by New Chapter when this first started and it definitely helped me with my mental state. It did not completely resolved my despair but took the edge off enough that I was not a complete wreck.

In a Cocoon Now -

I think you should be proud of yourself for getting out there and helping your son! It probably wasn't that that is making you feel so yucky. Just the bugs dying off. I know how you feel. We need to get out there and do the normal things that makes us feel like the 'me' we know ourselves to be. I am glad you felt normal and good those days!

To encourage you a bit, the herbs are very powerful. I got rid of Bartonella and killed alot of Lyme with herbs. So please don't feel like you aren't accomplishing anything if you are just taking herbs while waiting to see an LLMD. There are several that I know of that are healed from the disease through just herbs!

Maybe another way to 'frame' this delay is seeing it as an opportunity for you to prepare your body for the antibiotics. One thing to continue to do is to detox (get that ammonia level down) and another thing is to continue to take the anti-spirochetal herbs. My doctor uses the herbs first before she transitions patients to antibiotics (I am working up to taking 4 antibiotics with 2 herbal medicines combined) because the herbs are supposed to be more gentle that the antibiotics. LOL! I think we both know they can be pretty rough!!

As far as frustration over not being able to get the MTHFR test. That is tough. I can say this though. Lyme causes an upregulation of the CBS gene (even if one does not have a CBS gene mutation) and causes the body to store excess ammonia and interferes with neurotransmitters. Dr. Amy Yasko, recommends first dealing with CBS issues before addressing MTHFR. This is because all the detoxing done by giving the 5-methylfolate can make people feel worse because the upregulated gene CBS will not allow those toxins out of the body. CBS has to be opened up by getting rid of ammonia first and then stored toxins can be let out by adding in the methyl folate. She calls CBS a first priority mutation and MTHFR a secondary priority mutation. Lyme patients don't have to have a CBS gene mutation to have the same effect as a CBS mutation. Dr. Ben Lynch (from mthfr.net) let me know that chronic infection upregulates the CBS gene and so our body can act as if we have a mutation (even if we don't). For me, taking 5-mthf didn't make me feel better. I hadn't yet dealt with ammonia though. I have yet to re-add it in (at a low dose along with b-12) and see how I do now that I have addressed the ammonia. It is just on the back burner until I am done adding in all the medications my LLMD has me lined up to take. I take one thing at a time so I can see how I respond to each so I have to wait for now.

Anyways - I hope you feel better and better and better and better!

"Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us".

May your heart be FILLED with hope today.

@Teragram

I know there are a variety of Zeolite products out there. Cowden has a liquid tincture of it as part of his protocol.

Personally, I ordered Zeolite Pure, from Amazon and initially took 3 scoops per day (breakfast, lunch and dinner). I did the 3 scoops a day for about a month but that was before I started my antibiotics for Lyme. It is basically like tasteless chalk and I just added it into a small glass of water and drank it down. Some people add it to yogurt.

I felt a little headachy and tired the first few days but with a strong sense of calm, peace and happiness that came over me as well and stayed with me.

Right now, I don't take it all the time, but if I am feeling a bit toxic, I will take it.

When I do take it, I take one scoop mixed into water in the middle of the day. This works for me because I take my antibiotics and herbs in the morning and evening. This leaves a wide open space in the middle of the day for me to take my probiotics as well as detox with the Zeolite in a way that doesn't cause it to bind with any of my medications.

Trav, you're words brough happy tears to my eyes. Yes, you are right, I am usually 'up' and having this hit as hard as it did was truly overwhelming. It took a lot for me to post what was going on, but inside I knew that I had to... although it's so hard for me to express how awful I was doing/feeling. I guess I don't want to sound like I 'just want attention.' I grew up with that stigma and still deal with that 'impression' from my un-sisters. I've worked a long time healing my heart/mind from childhood traumas and to have the activated LD to hit me during that healing period six years ago... well I believe the many stresses that hit me at once is what caused the LD to start in play. Here I was believing I was finally over the emotional baggage only to have this nightmare, well, it's a lot to try to deal with. But, many, many others are going through this too, so my expressing my pain feels like I'm begging for a pity party. I know that's not true, nor is it taken that way, but old hurts/beliefs are difficult to master. I am on the road to health, and NOTHING will keep me from what I believe is my RIGHT to being a whole person. That's odd to write out, because I was trained to believe I had no rights to anything that was good for me. Well, that's all a lie and I won't stand for that any longer.

SLML, wow, your posts are very informative! It will take me some time to be able to read it all and process it, but I want to ask my llnd tomorrow about the CBS and the ammonia. I want to see what his take is on this stuff, and pray he is informed and has success in treating all the stuff dealing with L/co.

Thank God for this group (big, gentle hugs all around and if I had the funds you'd all get the best treatment available!!!!) and for the few in my life that love me and believe in me.

Oh, and after my bath/nap, I'm feeling even better than I had been. Still weepy a bit, but nothing like it had been!

Oh yeah, and after posting on FB last evening about how I was doing, one of my fiance's school friends from hs years contacted us to let us know his wife is also suffering with LD! They live 1.5 hrs away and we are all going to get together when everyone is able! He was crying when he read the post! Now, these guys will have someone who knows what's going on with their women. They need support, and I'm blessed this guy reached out. Wow, opening up and being vulnerable has reaped wonderful results! There IS a purpose and a plan...

YOU GUYS/GALS ROCK!!!! DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FORGET THAT!!!!!!

First off, I am glad I researched what MTHFR means. For the longest, I thought this was a derogatory code word for an ignorant doctor or how poorly one was feeling when they didn't want to curse. Now the term, "testing for MTHFR" makes so much more sense!

Secondly, I will say that being chronically ill will sort out your real friends/family from those who are just acquaintances. I have learned who I can discuss my illness with and who I can't bc they will never get it. Lean on your fiancé. That's is what marriage was deaigned for...to have a partner to do life with. You are NOT a burden, and I am sure he will need to lean on your someday.

Lastly, allow yourself to cry. I cry all the time!! The difference now is that I know I am not just crazy like my psychiatrist originally thought; I actually have an illness that makes me feel like crap thus causing me to cry.

Lyme can affect your brain and your moods. Whenever I have a crying episode and feel helpless and miserable, I let myself cry, but I say to myself, "This is just your Lymebrain acting up. You may feel helpless, but you are not helpless. You are just sick."

I hope you get to feeling better soon. This site is a tremendous source of support. Feel free to lean on us, too.

good thoughts and prayers for you cocoon!

I have to say I learn so much when I read through the posts and comments (this one and others)…
one thing I learn, of course, is valuable information to help my son through lyme, so thank you all!
the other thing I learn, am reminded of, is that we are not alone; how good others are in their concern.

Maine, that's really funny: Some people are a waste of skin!

M

@Lymebabe

CBS is upregulated in chronic infection. As Lyme is a chronic infection, then one can expect to have more trouble detoxifying ammonia from the body. A CBS gene mutation causes the body trouble in detoxifying ammonia. An upregulated gene is not a mutated gene but just a gene that is acting like a mutant gene. The CBS can act like a mutated gene, even though it may not be, in chronic infection.

That said, some people have a mutated gene and so they already will have trouble detoxifiying ammonia from their bodies on an everyday basis. Having lyme disease, or another type of chronic infection just is a double whammy in this case most likely causing excessive build up.

Dr. Amy Yasko has a test for this. I am thinking of doing it. It tests a bunch of different mutations and then tells you what nutrients/supplements to take in order to bypass the gene mutations that one has. I already know I had MTHFR and I know that ammonia detoxification helped me tremendously but I do not know whether or not I have a CBS mutation...the test is $495 and takes 3 months to get the result so it is on my radar but I have not yet chosen to take it.

I hope that answered your question.
All the best

Cocoon, how are the crying and depression now? Do you feel better? I know you emailed me, but it was on an old email, and I can't find it.

One thing you should do is snuggle with your fiancé!

Sounds like your ND is really woo woo!

M