HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Thoughts/doubts.

Support Forums
>
Lyme Disease
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/25/2014 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
I was diagnosed with Lyme through Igenex.
I've been very sick with periods of sort-of relief since Feb 2013, before that I was sick for about 15 years after trauma.

I've been told that I can two homozygous COMT mutations, so I need magnesium. I've read that feeds Lyme, but my doc says no one is sure if it does or not.
I have low B1, almost non-existent testosterone (I'm female), and I'm currently doing the Wahls Protocol diet at the advice of my doc. The cleansing effect? of all of the vegetables is really stirring things up, I think. I just added butter back into my diet after five years w/o it, because I've heard some people can tolerate it. I had to take Benedryl last night, because I've broken out with some hives, but I'm not sure if they're just cleansing hives or butter hives. I've done some saunas.

I'm grouchy, feel weird, and I'm really tired and scared. I just turned 35, I have no kids, and I'm sad. I've watched the world go by and stood strong/hiding my illness from so many, but I just want to cry. We just moved home a handful of months ago and my mother's alcoholism is bad. She doubts that I'm ill, insists that I kick the doc to the curb, because I'm 'healing myself'. My father and I have no relationship--they are divorced. I have been told that I'm doing this for attention, that I'm selfish. I've watched my marriage deteriorate/become a caregiver/sick person relationship. I have asked so many questions, done so much of my own research, and tried desperately to cope with a body that seems to be revolting, in strange, painful ways, against me. I'm supposed to start the Byron White A-Inflam and Detox 2, but I am dreading bad reactions. I am then supposed to go back on A-L Complex, which is okay, but I need help with detox. I had horrible reactions to Cowden detox herbs.

I have some detox homozygous genetic mutations that make things tricky. I react to a ton of foods and substances, so treating has been hard. I feel defeated. I feel so scared. I feel so aware of my mortality and I wish that I could have one more day before all of this fear enveloped every inch of my life.

The weirdest thing is, that in an hour, or any time, the fear might abate, and I'll feel 'normal' for a few seconds/minutes/whatever, and forget the intensity of the fear. I remember reading posts like this one on FB and rolling my eyes because they brought me down and I never wanted to be that down. And here I am. I don't get it.

I just want to know the RIGHT path. I'm doubting my diagnosis, the treatment, everything.

Thanks for reading.

Post Edited (greany1979) : 8/25/2014 11:12:21 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/25/2014 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi greany,
I am so sorry you are struggling so much. It sounds like you could do with some help with your mood, as a first step. Can you tolerate something like Sam-E to help with your mental state? I guess addressing your low B vitamins would help, too.

You know, sometimes I think the disease itself causes us to deny our diagnosis and try to avoid treatment. It really would be hard to prove that scientifically, though! Well, your diagnosis is solid and you've done enough research to know that you aren't going to get well without treatment. The difficult part is finding the right treatment that you can tolerate.

It is a terrible shame you are living in such a negative environment. It sounds very stressful and counter to healing. I hope you can find something better soon. Do you think meditation would help you cope with all this?

Please don't feel bad about coming on to the forum to talk about how badly you feel, it's why we're here!
Posted 8/25/2014 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Achievinggrace, Greany. This is the one place that has lots of people that will understand!!

I've been through a lot of the same type of things- food allergies, Addison's and although I haven't tested, I know that I have serious issues with detoxing well. and now I have been reinfected. I denied it happened. I ranted. I raved. I said no way. I cried. Then I realized that this was a fight that I knew how to do. I've healed once, I can heal again.

I was more than tired of being in treatment, but I have no desire to continue to live this way. I had two really good years before I had started going downhill sharply again - so I know what my life can be like and I'm just not going to stop fighting until I reach that point again.

I've found that if I don't try to look at the 'big picture' too often, I can handle the whole thing better. From time to time I steal myself and look at the big picture though, to plan treatments, to evaluate what I've been doing and then I go back to thinking more in the short term so that I can get through this.

Hang on to those moments when you don't doubt everything. Those are the 'true' moments. The times when you are yourself and can see things more clearly. You can beat this - you said yourself that you've done the research.

None of this is easy, but it is doable. And we can do doable.
Posted 8/25/2014 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
Low b vitamins are reaaaally gonna mess with your mood and anxiety. So I'd definitely figure out a way to get those levels up.
I feel you, though. Sometimes the aspect of having Lyme doesn't seem real to me, and whenever I am thinking about it, and thinking about starting treatment, j panic. The more anxious and stressed you are, the sicker you are. If you weren't so stressed you very, very well could be doing much better than you think you are. I've been having that issue, and after doing acupuncture to address my anxiety on top of my regular counseling, and going off birth control (BC really messes me up) I've felt leagues better from that alone.
Counseling might be worth your while. To have someone walk you through therapies and techniques to help manage your moods. Its actually amazing how much you can beat through positivity (mind you, that level of positivity is pretty hard to maintain, haha).
You're still young. Don't feel like your life has passed you by or anything, it hasn't. Hopefully new treatments will do the trick! Don't psych yourself out with them. The more you worry the more likely you'll cause an adverse reaction (allergies can very often be stress induced). Remember that if you have fleeting moments of feeling good, you'll have them again! And eventually they'll start to last longer!
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply