Need advice

Hi seewhatimesdone—

I can understand your predicament. You may not like my opinion, though! ;)
I, too, had one of those jobs I'd worked VERY hard to achieve, and I worked very long hours at LEAST 12 hrs 6-7 days/wk and some weeks/months I worked much longer. I had many 100-hr wks in my career. I liked my job "OK" but the hours were part of the deal. I also did 30 hrs or so each week of associated volunteer work that helped build my career that I LOVED, which was really what kept me going. But I had no life outside of those hours—NONE. And just like you described, I came home and crashed. And barely made it out of the house in the AM because I was dragging every single day.

I went undiagnosed for 15 yrs. During that time I was pretty sick and at sometimes I was very sick but driven pretty hard to fight through it, hide symptoms, and push forward. I'm also quite private and didn't share what was going on—mostly because I didn't understand what it was, neither did doctors. I eventually had to leave the profession—I couldn't handle it all.

Then, I finally got diagnosed and started treatment. And I was fully prepared to go back to work full-time to help pay for treatment but LLMD told me I wasn't going to be able to do both full time. I ACTUALLY considered postponing treatment. Thinking back, I lapsed into some insanity, I think… But also it was just the "mode" I've been in for so long—go go go go go. I'm so thankful I allowed myself to be human, slow down, make some focused decisions.

My suggestion to you is that you share with your employer that you might be administering meds during the day (they don't really need to know details but you don't want someone to misunderstand and think you are shooting heroin or something nefarious in the toilet stall…and then have to unravel rumors) and that you are "just fine" but are dealing with a medical condition. And remind them that you are really excited about your position and committed to performing an excellent job. You really don't want the added stress and pressure of trying to keep something like this secret and administering meds "under the table". It's not worth it.

And—maybe you can do those long hours some times. But not all the time—especially when you need to recuperate a bit. I'd set some serious boundaries for yourself and stick to them.

No job, no matter how great it is, is worth challenging your health. I am living proof.

Part of your mood change lately may be from the burden of it all—or you may be experiencing a phase of herxing. I know if you are running your body down (late hours, stress), you are compromising its ability to help the meds fight—the meds can't do it all on their own.

It's really good that you posted—I'm sure others will be along to offer good suggestions, too. Hang in there and let us all know how things are going.

-p

They can't fire you because you have Lyme. That's illegal discrimination.
http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/employment-discrimination-medical

I think you should try and talk with them. It will take stress off you to do that, too.

Oh—one more thing…

Before you decide to talk with them, organize your thoughts… determine exactly what you want to say and how you want to explain it. Practice it. And be very specific about what you're asking or expecting from them. If it's more lenient hours—be specific about what you mean (e.g. you may need to leave at 5 or 6pm on your treatment days, which are M, W, F; or you need a full hour at lunch on treatment days to administer your meds with some downtime). If it is something different, be specific about what they are to expect or what they are agreeing to. That way everything is out in the open and they know exactly how this is going to go. And give them a time-frame—even if you don't really know how long this will last, suggest that this is what you need for the next 3 mos. and at time you'll talk with them again and reassess the situation—keeping them abreast at all times. And if you need to switch things up, talk with them first and then change your routine with their support… Communication is underrated!

-p

True, they could take that approach… Anything could happen. However, it is not easy to fire someone these days—not if you are a good employee and have no history of incidents or issues documented with HR.

That is another option—to try to hold out until January. Your body is crashing like that when you get home because it can't keep up, and you're not rested at 7:30am because it's being overwhelmed… ;) But I think you know that.

But you have to weigh your options: say nothing, suffer, possibly compromise your health and your treatment, which likely would compromise this or any other job down the road… or bring them into your situation and let things unfold as they will and do your best to influence it in the right direction. What's the worse that could happen between now and January? Would it be that much of a loss to them if you left work an hour earlier?

The other thing to consider is that most employers are quite nervous these days about being held responsible for anything that happens to employees (mainly the harassment environment…crikey—I can't tell you how many harassment seminars we were pounced with) but also, on-the-job injury. Did you sign any waivers or anything like that?

-p

I see. Tough call, isn't it. But I think you're doing the right thing. We're rooting for you—let us know how it all works out!

-p