my fiance cheated on me

My fiance cheated on me last January. He doesn't know that I know. It was when all of my heart stuff was kicking in and I was really really sick. My son was turning 2 and I could hardly walk around house and he stayed away. He abandoned us for work. He cheated on me with a Co worker. No wonder he wanted to be there so much. I think back and I can't believe I took care of our son in that state. I was passing out. That could have been dangerous.

I am filled with grief. I could really use his support, but honestly every time he is near me I want to punch him the face. My life has been completely stolen from me the past 2 years. I can't even cry. I'm that upset. I am shutting down. I might puke.

I can't even bring it up to him. I need him in my life right now. This is horrible. It's been going on for too long. He betrayed me at my lowest point again.
I can stay strong for my son.. I always have. My fiance wasn't even there when he was born. He went to court for a dui instead. My doctor told him if he left he might never see us again and gave him a medical pardon from court. And he still left us. He wasn't there for me when my mom died either. I guess it's just the kind of person he is. When the crap hits the fan he leaves.
The worst part is that I'm so in love with him. Everyone does! He is very well liked throughout the entire community! Everyone thinks we have a perfect life and it's so far from the truth. It's going to be hard to smile today..
I don't know why he is doing what he is. I'm going to drive myself crazy assuming. He must really hate it that I'm sick. I hate it more. I feel so bad... I feel like it's my fault. I haven't been there for him either because I'm sick. Most days this month have been spent laying in our bed. I just can't do anything. I know all of you understand how that goes. I feel like I'm dying. My life has been taken away from me. Lyme disease stole my life. I hope we can make it through this together..

I have one friend that I can talk to. It's not just the cheating on me. He has been looking at gay **** too. He has this thing on his phone where he sends pics and people send pics back. It's disgusting. I don't know who this guy is anymore!

We have been together for 8 years. I'm afraid that if I talk to him about it it will be the end of us. And I'd have nowhere for my son and I to go. I couldn't hold a job right now. I have no family or friends that live close. I feel like I have to stick through it to keep a roof over my son's head.

I don't even want to believe it's true. I wish I never found out. I want to turn back time and redo this entire year. What did I do that made him feel like he needed another woman? I'm pretty darn tough about being sick! Dinner was still on the table every night before the last 6 weeks. I did everything for him I made it work. I sacrificed my career for his. I thought I was being a good wife to him.

This sucks...

I don't have my parents. My mom passed away and my dad is a violent schizophrenic. He's never been a father.
Our town is so small the nearest women's shelter is over 2 hours away. That isn't really an option. We don't fight with eachother. Ever. I don't think my son has ever seen us argue. It's not a bad place for us to be. We just don't communicate. Hopefully I'm healthy before my son grown up too much more so I can do something about my life. I have a lot of rebuilding to do.

IHL, there is a page on Facebook for Lyme patients to post looking for a safe environment to heal - if you are interested, please email me and I'll send you the link. You have options, even if you aren't ready to take them yet.

I'm so very sorry that you are in this position. You have to clear your head that any of this was your doing - those that cheat do so because of what's wrong inside of them, not something that you did or didn't do. Believe me, my first husband cheated on me and it tore me up. But we all have choices and those that cheat on their significant others are making bad choices on their own - no one can force another to cheat.

Yes, we are here for you!! You can come here to find at least some of the support that you aren't getting at home. Could you possibly go to a Lyme support meeting if there was one not too far away? I can help you look if you wish. Some good face-to-face time with someone that understands you illness might be really good for you!

One thing that Lyme does when it hits hard, it separates the real friends from those that are just there for a good time, so to speak. If it's a true friend they will be there through out this and do what they can to help when you need it most. Sad to say, I have no friends that I can count on here where I live for a couple of reasons, but Lyme is a big part of that. I think many of us go through this transition, unfortunately.

Hang in there - life is rough with Lyme, but things can get better! Try to be at peace with his decision to not have the relationship so that it doesn't interfere with your healing. I know that it seems impossible right now, but keep working at it.

He does still drink but not as much I will email you

I'm very sorry IHL. I agree that talking to someone, a counselor or someone of that nature, would be very beneficial - if you don't feel ready to confront him, then you need to get this off your chest somehow... It will eat you alive, and can negatively affect your health.
Stress is so hard on us.

Prayers for you and your family. Hugs!