and now feeling guilty

I've gone from intense anger, self hatred and depression to feeling really guilty. Just ordered a new batch of tinctures, and its kind of scary how much just that part costs. Not factoring in the capsule/tablet supplements I take too. I don't feel like I deserve to be spending this much money on myself. Don't think I'm worth it.

Taking care of the animals, food, etc is much more important. The animals always come first. That's what I was taught from the very beginning. On an intellectual level I know I need to be healthy so I can take care of them...but do I really need to be spending so much?

I want to make my own tinctures, so I can decrease that expense...but I don't know where to start. I think it'd be a lot cheaper in the long run, especially since I don't know how long I'll need to be on them.

Another big expense are the supplements I'm taking too. I have to be very careful with the brands I choose, with all my chemical allergies. The brands I've been using tend to be quite expense.

I guess the root of it all is that I believe that I don't deserve the get better. I'm not worth a whole lot, definitely not worth what I have to spend.

It'd be different if my health insurance would cover some of the cost, but they only cover drugs. Which I can't take because I'm allergic.

Really kind of want to curl up and cry. But I've become so good at repressing what I feel that I can't even do that.

Everyone deserves to be healthy. You did not ask for this disease and you are doing so many responsible things to improve you health. I am in the process of learning how to make tinctures and there is a lot of great information online.

Like you I get a big guilty feeling when purchasing soooooo many supplements and tinctures but I have seen improvement because of them. Just remember you are worth the money. In the long run this will not seem like such a huge cost. It just feels that way because we are not accustom to spending so much on health supplements.

Just think about how much other diseases cost people. Lyme is expensive but I've seen just a couple.of days in the hospital from a heart attack run people 50k. Your health is worth every penny. Tinctures are a small price to pay to beat this thing

Sayyadina, I too struggle with this. I HATE all the money that is being spent on my health. If I lived alone, I likely would really struggle with it, but I fortunately have a husband and children that push me to do it - and a few good friends.

I've struggled with this since I was a child, so it's nothing new, but now I'm reaching new heights with my spending money on my medical - it's not just Lyme & company now, it's Addison's, thyroid and very major dental work (will need bone grafts). I struggle with this several times a week - and it's not easy to not go into a severe depression when I allow those feelings to take hold of me, so I avoid thinking about it unless it's truly necessary.

I direct most of my own medical care (hubby just watches over me to be there when/if I can't again), and direct my own Lyme treatment, so I have to evaluate prices and all of that on my own. Hubby really cringed when I told him the cost of the herbs I would need - it wasn't easy to fit that into our budget because we survive only on his disability and pension.

But - here's what I've had to come to terms with.

Fact: I am not worth any less than any other human on this earth - and neither are you.

Fact: I will suffer and will only cost more money to those that I love if I don't take care of myself and heal - you too, my friend.

Fact: Those animals won't get any better care from the next person in line to care for them - it's up to you to be there for them -at least for now. Life has a way of changing things around, so we never know what's in store for us.

And Fact - based on the above things, it only makes sense for you to spend a bit more than you are comfortable with right now and heal, than to wait until you get worse, and then expenses will really climb.

Sorry to be such a downer, but when you are reaching the bottom of the barrel like that, you have to see things clearly.

Please email me if you wish to talk. I can completely understand as I struggle with the same things - only I got too sick to even have the critters around, so they are no longer here for me to use to push myself to heal. This is no longer a sinking boat for me though - I've patched the holes (getting effective treatments) and I'm going to make it now. You need to too.

Buhner's books give full in-depth descriptions on how to prepare herbs, including making tinctures. If you are lost in the explanations, I'm sure his associate Julie could help.

http://www.gaianstudies.org/herbal_consult.html

Animals are sensitive. I'm sure they feel your pain and will be happier if you are.

When I'm having an off day, our miniature schnauzer spends her time hiding under the sofa (well, and when it's bath time too). It's not that I'm yelling or anything, she just notices when my words are brusque or I am not speaking as kindly as usual.