Posted 11/26/2014 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
Bad lungs run in my family. My mom died at 57 in 2011 from COPD. I wish I knew about this stuff back then. Maybe her life could've been lengthened. Maybe my family is predisposed to extra sensitive to this infection genetically or something...?
I'm really missing her lately. I figure if she was here and healthy she could help me with my son while I'm so incapable. My world is crashing down around me and I've never felt so powerless... my relationships are suffering, my house is a wreck, I can't pay my bills because I can't work.. I just feel ruined.
Maybe I'm herxing, but depression is starting to take hold. I'm so overwhelmed. I expected relief with getting diagnosed and really all it has done has added more stress. My fiance resents me. My brother acts like I don't exist. My friends don't even hardly talk to me anymore let alone show their faces. I can't comfort myself anymore.
These infections have robbed me of my happiness. My motivation, energy, and laughter are all fading away.. seriously, it hurts like hell to laugh. I'm sure some of you with headaches face and stomach pain can relate.
I'm completely humiliated and filled to the brim with shame. I'm questioning myself and my treatment. A couple years seems like a long, expensive time to see if I'm on the right track. What if I'm not doing the right thing? That would be a pretty monumental mistake.
Ugh... go away lyme disease! And Co infections! And life!