Feeling Hopeless

Hi all,

I'm beyond frustrated with all of this. I just can't believe that after 2 years of abx, herbals, diet change, and exercise, it's all still here. I'm not sure where to go at this point. LLMD says he thinks now that we're doing more harm than good in continuing with abx. I've treated cysts, treated biofilms, treated my symptoms with supplements and minerals, and been taking plenty of probiotics but none of it has done anything. I've done infrared saunas, HBOT, acupuncture, and massage. I've seen several herbalists, who all seem to just recommend the same herbs that I've been taking for the past 18 months. None of it has made a difference, I'm feeling just as awful as I did 2 years ago.

I haven't had a piece of candy or a drop of alcohol in nearly 2 years. I've made all the necessary changes. I maintain an alkaline diet that is void of sugar, gluten, nightshades, and dairy and is very low carb. I would be fine living my life with this kind of diet if it were working for me, but it's clearly not. The money is running out and I'm not sure what else to do, where else to go. I'm 23 and these past 2 years have been an absolute hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Everyone has a breaking point and I think I'm near mine. I'm so sick of this. Very tempted to go to the store and buy some pies and pastries and ice cream and beer to binge on. I can't even wrap my head around this some days. Most people can't imagine being sick like this, but I can't imagine being healthy ever again. I'm fit and as active as my body allows. My body has failed me. My father has psoriatic arthritis, and my doctor said that because he has an autoimmune disease that I am predisposed to something like chronic lyme.

I am unable to work, thank dear God for my parents. They're the best parents in the world. But they're starting to get irritated, not with me, but with the situation. They make OK money but are closing in on retirement so they want to save as much as possible. On top of my medical expenses, they are also paying my student loans back for me. They recently took out a HELOC to help pay for that.

I never needed much in my life, I was always a pretty simple guy. But when you get your health ripped away from you, it makes every second a living hell. I just can't believe this is happening to me after 2 years. I've devoted every second of the past 2 years to beating this and am feeling worse than at the beginning.

Wow Pete. I really feel for you!

The only thing I can think of is an unknown infection, which is keeping you from healing. I have read a number of times that parasites can keep people from healing. I'm not saying that is what is going on. I'm not sure if you have looked into it. A number of ILADS doctors have indicated that parasites can cause significant problems.

Have you looked into parasites, mold, heavy metals or other possible co-infections, which might be keeping you from healing?

I wish you the absolute best! Hang in there. You can beat this! Keep trying and don't lose faith.

Have you thought about switching Doctors? I'm not saying your's isn't a good, knowledgeable Dr., but maybe another one might see something the other one didn't?

We do it for other ailments - we get second opinions...so why not with Lyme disease?

At this point, if the Dr. doesn't know what to do to help you heal...maybe another perspective?

Yeah I've been taking all Buhner herbs. I've been taking Houttonyunia tincture and crypto tincture for 5 months, no improvement. I've already switched doctors twice. First one called himself an LLMD but wouldn't give me the correct dosage of abx, and he was kind of a prick, terrible bedside manner. Second one I liked, but he was extremely expensive and would make me do a "sick call" with him any time I had a question. He'd end up babbling on the phone for 20 minutes and I'd be charged $150 to basically just ask him a simple question about my meds.

New LLMD doesn't treat by ILADS protocol but says he has lots of success with his patients and has been doing this a while (Dr. C in Missouri). I've been through pretty much every abx combo I've ever researched, malarone, mepron, plaquenil, artemisinin and quinine/clindy for babs; rifampin and levaquin for bart; ceftin, amoxi, doxy, mino, ceftin, IM rocephin, biaxin, and tinidazole. You name it, I've been there.

No mold in the house, it's fairly new. Also had it tested and didn't show any mold. Been on cholestyramine, activated charcoal, lemon water, chlorella and spirulina for detox, take detox baths, vitamin b12 shots, aromatherapy. I literally don't know what else to do. I Take boluoke lumbrokinase for biofilm. Sorry for being dramatic but I'm just honestly at a loss here.

D. Pete, we are all at a loss for the right words. We hear your pain and frustration. Don't give up...ever.

You have the right combination of tenacity and helpful parents. Count those as your greatest attributes. You are extremely lucky. Can you imagine if you had no idea what illness you had or parents that were MIA? You are better off than a lot of others that are clueless with no support and in pain.

Keep reading and trying everything you can. One day you will be able to encourage someone else to keep fighting too.

Nicky, I used to feel the same way about my herbal protocol (& abx actually), and I too healed from Lyme and Bart in 12 months, and Babesia took 12 only months to treat.

I also realize that (a) not everyone shares my confidence in herbal therapies, and (b) one treatment - no matter what it is - will work for each person. So while we really do want to hear about your success and how you healed from Cowden's, please don't be too hard on others that don't share your enthusiasm.

Abx can work on chronic Lyme, we've had many success stories of this just on this forum alone. Although, after being on this forum for so many years, I've had the opportunity to watch many, many people use different abx and some people used herbs as well and I did notice that those who wanted abx, if they just add in some herbs - or an entire herbal protocol to go along with the abx - did a lot better.

But - this is still a choice that is up to each person. We can only present the information, it's up to each person to do what they will with the information.

Dave - maybe you could let your parents read your first post on here. If they read what you wrote...I'm sure it will have an effect on them.
I don't know if you tell them how appreciative you are...or if that is difficult for you to do.

I agree with jrpsf - sometimes because we feel so awful, for so long, that a little bit of a positive change may not be recognized.
It happens to me all the time.
Do you have an old symptom list...you could look at each one and try to determine if there is a slight improvement in any of the symptoms?

I have a lot of pain, and it is still there, even if my sleep, anxiety and rib pain have much improved...and I often doubt that I am getting better. For me, the nerve symptoms seem to dictate how I'm feeling.