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Am I normal or in a bad place...?

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Posted 4/19/2015 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
From my journal:
do not know what to feel.
9 minutes
There is just too much at once. I suddenly have this daily regimen of pills to swallow, work is passing gossip, my boyfriend of three years up and quit, family is non-responsive, do they not realize I am already.the one that has to go through it and deal with it? Symptoms and all? Mostly the positive part is external? ***?!
plugh
Apr 10, 2015
I am just depressed and sad and down and I feel betrayed. This is going to be a rough road alone. Even my parents are in denial. I hate me right now. I did not even do anything. Well crapiola. Things can only get better I suppose. The antibiotics are agreeable with me so far. I hear they need to not be though. A good herx reaction would be appropriate. Still waiting for that.
Abandoned
Apr 06, 2015
It has been exactly one week since my official diagnosis and my boyfriend of three years packed everything and walked out. We did not even have a fight where one of us got to yell. wth
Posted 4/19/2015 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no! You used the "n" word! Is it normal to feel like this, to be treated like this, to have to go through this? I don't think so.

But for a Lyme patient. Totally normal. You are feeling down. Jeez, you should, this is just horrible.

So your boyfriend wasn't the "in sickness and health" type. Better you found out now. But it still stings. I'm glad you didn't have the ugliness of a fight and cruel words.

Give your family and friends some slack. "What?" I hear you say, they're supposed to be helping me. But look at it this way: You have basically left them. You are not going to be what they thought you were; you have changed -- people hate change. You have to walk a different path than expected and they don't know how to follow you.

This is going to be a learning curve for all of you. Keep talking to them. Try not to have expectations for their behaviour. Give them as many clues as you can on how to act, how to be, how to help. But don't demand, don't expect. Above all try not to scare them with how terrible you feel. Deal out your explanations in tiny packages that they can digest.

Yes, this is a very lonely road to walk. But on this forum are many people who are walking in the same direction. We will be here for you.
Posted 4/20/2015 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
I'm really sorry you're going through this Cajuncootie! You are going to get better and pull through this. I'm sorry about your boyfriend. That is lousy.

When I was struggling more-feeling alone without the support I needed-I made changes. I got closer to people who offer me more support. Do you have anyone else in your life you can lean on?

Have you joined a Lyme support group or even several? I have been going. I have met people and am developing relationships with them. We email each other regarding local resources and questions. It is good to know someone in person who you can lean on.

You can also come here for support! We will help you however we can. What you're going through is not abnormal, but it does not make it any easier. I hope your LLMD is helping you to address the psychological side of your treatment too.
Posted 4/20/2015 5:22 AM (GMT 0)
Sadly what your experiencing is common for people who are suffering from Lyme.
It's very hard for family, even parents to understand all that your going through. It isn't that they don't care, they don't know what to say or do to help you so they say and do nothing.
Your post is similar to so many others have posted. Lyme is a very lonely disease
Posted 4/20/2015 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so very sorry, Cajuncootie!! People are hard to deal with sometimes, and when it's those we are close to that don't understand, it's even harder!! You're only hope is to educate them some and try to teach them, like Achievinggrace said.

When the time is appropriate, try sharing these things with them:

Under Our Skin (Lyme Disease documentary):​

/www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVzXsKvN2ck

www.hulu.com/watch/268761


​ Lyme Spouse - support for your loved ones:
/www.facebook.com/LymeSpouse

So you know someone with Chronic Lyme disease: www.tiredoflyme.com/so-you-have-a-friend-or-family-member-with-chronic-lyme-disease.html#.U3dTc3bbS1t​


​"Dear Family of a Lyme Disease patient" ​​
​goo.gl/vujRB6


And lastly - come here to vent and get more ideas on how to cope!! We understand what you are going through not only with these infections, but with your family as well!!
Posted 4/21/2015 7:23 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for all of your replies and for your support. It does help to make it easier. I can't say that I understand it but I go back and I reread what you all have said and it does help.

Even at work you can tell it's a little bit different because suddenly eye contact is shorter if it's there. Conversation is less. Overall I guess I'm just going through a sad point.

I looked at this chart I had to make to keep track of all these pills from medications to supplements I have to take and and remembered that one of the comments my boyfriend had made to one of my parents was his concern for all of the 'drugs' I was going to have to take...

Now the house is just so empty by myself and it just feels really lonely actually. It has been 2 weeks since he left and I really thought I felt fine but I guess somehow it just hit and today I really really missed him.

This is awful! I am NOT usually a pity pot. Lol. I came home from work really hurting today so I suppose that is part of how I am responding at the moment to; probably my worst day yet. I cannot do that; I have to work.
Posted 4/21/2015 3:33 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like your physical pain helped you get to this point. I'm so sorry. I surely hope that today is a much better day for you!!

Have you ever thought about getting a cat? They are so self sufficient that they don't take much care when you aren't feeling good, but someone is always waiting for you to come home. I couldn't get by without my critters - and I'm married!! They give unconditional love - and don't question what we must do for our health!! wink

And your ex-BF sounds like if he had seen what I had to take (around 97 pills a day, plus two tinctures, and two medicinal teas) he would have had a heart attack!! turn The uneducated that refuse to be educated should not drag us down. It sounds like he didn't even try to understand what you were going through - so remember, you are much better off without his baggage dragging you down as you heal your body.
Posted 4/21/2015 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, Trav...my kitties are so heart-warming -up.

My DH is up around 6 or 7, and leaves the bedroom door ajar...but doesn't let our two cats out of the laundry room (where they sleep every night) until 9:00 so they don't disturb me.
He says it's cute to see Rusty charge out of the laundry room...take a quick look around for me...then run up the stairs to our bedroom. My little orange tabby prefers me to hubby...and he comes upstairs to wake me up. First he sits beside the bed looking up at me...with a few meows...if that doesn't work, he jumps up on the bed and paws at my covers, until I get up. Then he follows me around until he settles on the couch for a nap.

Cajuncootie - So sorry your boyfriend up and left you - please keep coming to the forum for support.
Posted 4/22/2015 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
I do have two cats- Fred and Ginger. And they are definitely comforting. Ginger stays at the foot of the bed but Fred is not happy unless he is lying on some part of my rib cage. Even if I roll over he stays right there until I stop moving and jumps right back on.

I was also adopted by Lil Bit when I moved into this house; she stays outside because she's mean to my indoor cats but she is the most loving thing in the world. I have no idea how she did not have a home when I got here. All three are definitely happy thoughts.

My next counseling appointment is on the 29th. Never thought I would be so excited to see that coming up! I am not used to feeling this down. I appreciate all of the encouragement from each of you here. It really means the world to me right now.
Posted 4/22/2015 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
Love your kitty cats' names, Cajun :)

Have you ever heard of Morning Pages? They really help you get a lot of feelings out and processed.

http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/


Keep posting, okay? We are here for you. xo
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