Sorry you are feeling like this, sueg.
This is when you have to reach down and pull yourself up by your boot straps.
"But I don't have any boots!" I hear you say.
Gotta do it anyway. This is where you have to call on your own faith, magic, and hope to get you through.
When I was where you are now I used think about
several people I knew that didn't get the opportunity to get better (untreatable diseases, accidental deaths, or murder). It seemed a privilege then to be able to fight for my health.
There was one night when I said to my husband, "That's it, I give up!" We stared at each other for a few minutes and then I began laughing because it didn't make a jot of difference: I still felt terrible! So I might as well keep trying to get better.
Have you been keeping a journal? Sometimes it helps to be able to look back and see how much improvement you have made, however small. It doesn't have to be fancy, just a line or two when you remember.
Another thing that can help is to shake things up a bit. Take a trip, even if it is just going to a new place in your home county. Go out to a festival (leave yourself the option to bail out if it gets too much. Call a friend and chat (preferably about
anything other than your illness). Pick up a new hobby, or one that you let slide; you know, something gentle like water colors or poetry.
You can also shake up your treatment with something extra like super gentle yoga, a new supplement, sun therapy, aroma therapy or a lovely healing tea. Everything helps.
And of course, writing out a list of why you want to get better and what you will do when you are well is very good incentive.
Another thing to consider is that your illness is actually causing a bit of depression. There are natural treatments to boost mood, you don't have to pile on another pharmaceutical. Your body will heal much better if your mind is positive and functioning well.
And then, it could be your treatment has stalled out. Do say something to your doctor at your next appointment. It maybe that he or she needs to rethink your treatment or consider there is another aspect of your illness that needs to be addressed.
I really hope you turn a corner soon and see some improvement.
