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do you ever feel invisible?

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Posted 9/3/2015 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
I'm very much aware of the environment wherever I may be. I observe and see TOO much-it seems like I take in too many details & then analyze them.

I'm not sure if that's why I feel like people don't 'see' me-even here on this forum I feel like no-one ever replies to my posts.

I go to church where I used to serve(volunteer), and have ceased serving for a yr now. Most people there know me;but I could be standing in a middle open area and NOT ONE person approaches me to ask how I've been doing. It's like I'm invisible.

I was helping my sister for a few days care for our parents and whenever I'd begin to talk(about ANYTHING); I'd get cut off, or they'd look at their phone or the t.v. or suddenly need to go elsewhere!!!

I'm not schizophrenic or bipolar, but I have been having severe mood spells. But that doesn't change the reality of how people ignore me.

I think it's because they're tired of hearing how I'm not doing as well because when they hear it they feel compelled to help, but they just don't want to-such selfishness....

Ugh!!!
Posted 9/3/2015 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
All the time.

Spanky's post from early this morning asked some of the same questions.

It's a tough position because when people ask how you are it's generally a platitude. They expect your response to be fine or great and how are you. When you answer crappy, this is what's going on with me most people are ill prepared to handle that and respond properly so they stop asking. That doesn't mean they don't care. It means they don't know what to say or do to help so they do nothing.

Unless someone has been through what we are going through they have no way of understanding how severe and difficult this is. Without that knowledge it's hard for them to feel compelled to help.

I know that I'm not fun to be around. Are you approachable? If you are standing with your arms crossed in front of you? That's a sign that you are closed off and not open to anyone or anything. You may be subconsciously sending the message don't approach.

You could try saying you are doing a bit better and it would be great to have some company to help lift your spirits.

People are busy living their lives. I wish I was living the life I used to.....that's not being selfish, it's normal. Be angry at Lyme and co and not your friends. Compassion works both ways. I'm tackling the same issue.
Posted 9/3/2015 11:49 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your replies. I appreciate it the great advice/ideas!
Posted 9/3/2015 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
This is a response to your post :-)
I know I get 'over-angry' a lot these days. It's not like me. And I consider myself a pretty sensitive person (ouch that hurts) and I know I get over sensitive to a lot of situations, again, these days. The weird thing is I'm hyper aware that I'm being overly sensitive!
Maybe that's what's going on with you now: you're naturally sensitive and having an 'over sensitive' response to something you might not normally let bug you.
All due to lyme.
Posted 9/4/2015 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
sweetpea-I wanted to make sure you knew that my comments were meant to give perspective not judgement.

I've been doing some "cleaning". I live in the family house but my kids are grown and I kicked my ex out 9 years ago---which leaves me with way too much room to store/hoard things. Since I work from home I have way too much work paperwork and clutter makes me nuts. I've been going through files of papers pulling out what I can shred. In the last pile were the vet bills for the last dog I lost. As I'm sure everyone else on here is, my emotions are always really raw. I clutched those papers to me and just started to cry. He passed on Christmas day '09. I've loved every dog I've ever had with all my heart and spoiled each and every one but that dog was truly special. He replaced a dog that was stolen and mended our broken hearts.
I've always had two dogs and my remaining dog Lily was horribly lonely. My "new" replacement dog :-) Petey has kept me sane. He has so much personality. Lily is my comfort and Petey makes me laugh.

You were the volunteer. I was the caretaker. We were the strong ones who took care of others. I don't ask for help. I asked people if they needed help when I knew they were dealing with something so I go by that standard. I shouldn't need to ask. My son is very much like my side of the family and he tells me like it is. If you don't ask than you can't be mad or offended. Your friends can't guess what you are dealing with.

None of that changes feeling abandoned. It also doesn't change who you are as a person. I'm lonely and I do feel that I often don't exist unless someone needs something yet I will still put their needs ahead of mine. I can't change who I am just because of a bite. My guess is the same goes for you. None of that makes you feel anymore visible or cared for but we see you and care about you here.
Posted 9/4/2015 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you are feeling this way sweetpea. Honestly there are so many discussions sometimes it's hard to keep track! So I'm sorry if I did not reply to one of your comments.

I know how you feel. One of my childhood "best friends" who knows about my health issues and how I've struggled has pretty much been MIA. We would share so much together and it felt like we were looking at each other in the mirror, so much in common, except the health stuff. But she's been non existent and I get one text msg after several months, not asking how I am but sending a one liner all cheery "hope all is well!" I mean ***? I know anyone can say well at least she is asking about you and concerned but aren't "best friends" supposed to do a little more than that?

It's sad but you know what, you see people's true colours during illness, death and weddings. People have no clue what it's like to live with this illness but a little compassion and care is all you need. And yes, everyone starts to think your a Debbie downer when you tell the truth and say you're feeling crappy, but why lie?

I hope you feel better knowing you aren't alone. We are going through the same thing. Hang in there :)
Posted 9/4/2015 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
@Drummingdad-YES I'm unusually hypersensitive now, but wasn't before.

@jrpsf-thank you for sharing. No worries-I didn't feel judged!

@happyjo-you're right about making myself invisible-I avoid being around people now where I used to thrive it, but I guess I fear rejection!!!

Wow, deep stuff-who needs to pay a psychiatrist-LOL! Im just kidding, this forum shouldn't replace seeing a counselor or psychiatrist.
Posted 9/4/2015 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hey sweetpea, I hear ya! You are not invisible. You are beautiful and worthy and connection is possible. This disease takes hold of body, mind and spirit and I've found my personal connections have become strained as I have wanted to voice my suffering and people do not always want to hear about this fresh hell.

2 things that have helped me come to terms with this feeling, the book, The 4 Agreements, especially the idea to not take things personally. Most of what happens around me is not really about me, but I often feel like 100% of the world is about me. People are busy, distracted, pained, happy, sad, etc. They are not trying to disregard my feelings, or doing most things based on who I am, they are just wrapped up in their own thing.

The other thing, this great podcast by Tara Brach:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BeLOTC2gMs
Helped me understand a new way of relating to people.
I'm beginning to notice If I can approach others with an open heart and desire to hear them and drop my agendas and drop my need to talk about myself then everything shifts. Except there I go talking about myself again...

As my friend says, If you can't laugh at yourself, don't leave the house...

wishing you peace, health and happiness.
namaste.
Posted 9/4/2015 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
Sweetpea:

Thanks for bringing this up! I believe almost everyone who has a chronic illness deals with this.

Our friends and family are human beings. They are not perfect. And what looks like selfishness on one side may look like self preservation on the other.

I think the response from jrpsf was especially on point. Practically, what can most people do about our health issues? Not much. So, I am trying to not ask for sympathy either.

One of the questions I ask myself before going into a social situation (or even a phone call), is what does the other person have passion about, what have I seen them get excited about before?
Then I try to think of something to say on that topic.

Am I ignoring my own needs? No, I am just being practical.

I need people. And I can get those needs met without telling them about my medical, insurance income (fill-in-the-blank) troubles. And they will be more likely to call me when they want to reach out.

By the way, I am 58, and I am just beginning to practice this.

Blessings,

Tom
Posted 9/4/2015 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
Lyme isn't widely known like cancer and other diseases, so there are many people who don't know much, if anything about it and since many of us don't look sick, it makes it hard for anyone to see that anything is wrong.

I do have one childhood friend that checks up on me on a regular basis and she even sends me Lyme info. when she comes across it, but just through emails since she's about 2 hours away. So she sees me for what I am now, but knew what I was like before I got sick again.

And yes, I do feel invisible at times, but there are places where I'm free of that. I chat with people a lot at farmers markets, garden shows, and other things, because people are of a different mindset at things like that. Several people at the farmers market ask how my daughter and I are doing and there are a few who wanted to know more about Lyme, so it's nice to inform people and nice that they can see me for who I am. I avoid places where I'm judged by what I'm not doing or accomplishing. This city is full of people like that and I know of people who have left because of so many people being like that.
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