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Posted 10/7/2015 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi! I am going through such hell and no matter what I do I just keep feeling worse all the time. I just want to die so the suffering will stop. The symptoms are so intense and I am getting no sleep whatsoever. My body is wearing out and shutting down. I pray every day for God to take me home. I need relief from this ongoing 24/7 torture. I have lost all interest in life and in living. Nothing brings me pleasure. Death would surely be welcomed at this point. I don't know where to turn as I have no LLMD as there is none where I live. I can barely function and I have no one to help me with anything. I feel like I am going out of my mind and would rather die that spend the rest of my life in a mental hospital.
Posted 10/8/2015 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike!

Thank you for responding to my post. No, as stated in my post I do not have a LLMD as there isn't any where I live. I am currently attempting to detox as I feel I am so loaded with toxins and until I bring the load down trying to kill anything would just make everything even more unbearable. I am to the point where I am just about to call it quits. My family of origin completely shunned me three years ago and has left me to die. They don't even check to see if I am dead or alive or have any food in the house. I am so ready to die just so I can get some peace from all this suffering. I have a little dog whom I love dearly but I can't give her everything she deserves and I don't want to leave her. However, I believe she would be much better off with someone who can.

I am 61 years old and have suffered all my life. I have been very emotionally, verbally and psychologically abused by my family, doctors, employers, friends and teachers. The pain I am experiencing is getting to be way too much to tolerate for much longer. I feel I have fought as long as I can and no matter what I am going to die as I have very little money and can no longer afford my medical or much else. Living like this on a daily basis isn't an option for me anymore.
Posted 10/8/2015 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Smartone - I am so sorry for your pain....Your post brought tears to my eyes....

Please don't give up....have you tried an herbal protocol? I'm thinking something that isn't as expensive like buying herbs in bulk and making a tea? Also that way you can do a super low dose while you detox and not burden your body as much as the antibiotics would.

You could do just detox for awhile and then add in a super low dose herbal tea...
Posted 10/8/2015 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
I wish I knew what to say to get you through this. I am sorry that you are struggling so much, just try to take it one day at a time if you can (I know easier said then done). Do you see a psychologist or psychiatrist? I see a psychologist and although it isn't an immediate fix, it does help. I am not sure where you live, but would there be an option of moving somewhere else where there is an LLMD available? I understand that is a huge step, but it might be a necessary one. It isn't far that your family has abandoned you. Do you have any friends you can reach out too? I am assuming you do not, since this disease often takes most of your social life away from you. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me and I will try to respond as quickly as I can. Unfortunately, I cannot take away your pain, but I can be a friend who will listen to you and talk through things with you. I hope you are able to heal and feel well soon. I am not sure if you are part of a church, but you did mention prayer, would there be a priest or pastor you could reach out to and talk to? I am hoping to talk to my priest soon (I am waiting for him to return my call), but talking to someone who will not judge you and will love you for who you are can really help.
Posted 10/8/2015 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
Listening to music sometimes helps me too. Songs like Strong Enough by Matthew West, Young Blood by Bea Miller, Fight Song (my personal favorite right now) by Rachel Platton, and any other encouraging uplifting song. I actually made a playlist on youtube for when I am feeling depressed or when my hypersensitivity (especially the sound sensitivity) is really bad. It is amazing how music can change my mood and outlook on life. Unfortunately, it is only temporary, but it really does help.
Posted 10/8/2015 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike! I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, Bartonella and Babesia. It seems no matter what I try, be it herbs, antibiotics, rifing, etc. they all make me worse and this just goes on 24/7. I don't get a break in the symptoms. I don't enjoy anything due to the extremely debilitating symptoms. I have no quality of life and there is no one that can help me.
Posted 10/8/2015 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
My heart is breaking to know you are in so much pain and suffering! Know that we are all concerned and here for YOU! I wish I had something to say to take away all your pain. I feel like through your post you feel lonely and isolated. Can you reach out to a church group for someone to come to your house and talk to you?
Posted 10/8/2015 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
My heart goes out to you. The most important is to be kind and gentle to yourself. I found that once I eased up in myself that relaxation and dealing became easier. Deep breathing is a gray way to relieve some stress that yr body is under. Also, napping when you can really rejuvenates. I found that doing something to take your mind off like crocheting, reading, etc.

Can you seek treatment thru whoever diagnosed you?
Posted 10/8/2015 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi smartone.

I am SO VERY sorry to hear you're suffering SO horribly! I too have prayed that prayer asking The Lord Jesus to bring me home(I believe my true home is life eternal in HIS presence)!!!

I went through a VERY dark time spiritually this past winter/spring; thinking that maybe there really isn't a God. And I questioned if God exists how could He take my health away as it prevented me from serving. It was a horrible time. I had pulled away from Him, His word, and fellow believers, but HE brought me back to himself!!!

I've dealt w/alot of anger issues also because of not getting a diagnosis until 2014-infected in 2004! I've been seeing a ND since June '14', but she's now leaving/retiring. My MD treats me like she's the absolute authority on my health and that I should research like I do. So, I'm currently without a Dr....however

I ceased all treatments last month and started a supplement by Metabolic maintenance called 'Anxiety control', and also by Metabolic maintenance I take 5-mthf which is for methylation. I found out that treatment was making me worse due to a gene mutation that inhibits the normal methylation pathways aka detoxification. I don't detox-or @ least very well.

With HIM all things are possible-the key is 'WITH HIM'!

Do you read The Bible and pray to Him daily? Now that I'm back in to doing Bible study, Im doing better spiritually and emotionally! I believe His word is how he speaks to us mostly, but also through His Holy Spirit.

Can I ask where you live? I'm in the Portland, Or area and I have been wanting to start a ministry of home visits for the chronically ill. I already volunteer @ an org. Called 'Love Inc.' I drive disabled ladies to Dr. Appts and grocery shopping trips; however only about twice a month do they ask me!

Odds are we don't live near each other but there's email, this forum, and even the phone! I am willing to speak with you via any of those-& I DO mean it. I've enabled my email on this forum.

Please don't hesitate to contact me.
Posted 10/8/2015 7:06 AM (GMT 0)
smartone,

I'm not a doctor, but I want to tell you...

* Despair and mental suffering are parts of the disease. My doctors have warned me about this time and time again. It's just pain, just like the other symptoms. One of them even refused to treat as aggressively as I wanted him to because the mental suffering would be too intense. Don't let the disease deceive you. If you think you need to see a mental health professional do it, but don't let the disease trick you into thinking you're crazy when it's really the disease and sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation alone can mimic mental issues.

* Lyme CAN be defeated. Cheap ABX and (expensive) clinic hyperbaric oxygen can kill it.

* The body CAN heal the damage from Lyme. Home hyperbaric oxygen treatments can heal the injuries after the Lyme organisms are dead. Sleep and mental clarity can return.

* Since you don't have a LLMD, try this: look online for one in your state, and if there isn't one, look in states next door. Call them up, tell them your situation, that you don't have a LLMD nearby and let them know how severe your symptoms are. Ask if you can get treated by phone or skype until you can manage to see them. Ask if they can treat you on a sliding price scale. You can get a lot done with ABX alone. Don't give up. At least get a phone consultation with a LLMD. You can get a competent LLMD to prescribe ABX, then order them from your local pharmacy, then fight through the months of symptoms until the organisms die and your body purges the toxins. You CAN get better.

* This: /www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uKm5pD7GWM
Posted 10/8/2015 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, smartone, welcome to our communitweand I am so, so sorry you are feeling so horrible.

One thing I have learned is that someone can help you. I know you don't want to hear this right now but you can help you and the great news is that everyone here will help you to help you!! I had no LLMD, I live in a country where there is 'no lyme' and was repeatedly told I was 'mad' or a hypochondriac. I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared I was losing my mind. My family live 2000 miles away and my husband thought the doctors were right. There was no one to help me. I learned I can help me and people here have helped me to help me. See?

I can honestly say that I know and understand how you feel and death sounds like a blessing but it doesn't have to be that way and it WILL get better. Right now the lyme is telling you to quit. Do not listen to it, it is an idiot!!

Before I offer up any advice I have a few questions, hope that's OK?

What protocols have you already tried (so I don't tell you stuff you already know)?. There is always something else you can try. How long have you been treating?

What are you doing for you sleep deprivation (because you will not heal the lyme and co without addressing that too, its a vicious circle)

Have you had your thyroid/ adrenals checked? They may be seriously interfering with your sleep.

What detox methods are you using? If you feel you are not detoxing well have you had your genetics tested as many people who have a specific mutation find detoxing difficult or it makes them feel worse.

Do you have anyone to talk to? Do not under any circumstances feel alone in how you feel. You can post here anytime about anything. Everyone is here to help.

Please keep posting and hang in there!!
Posted 10/8/2015 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
Smartone

Sorry you're in such a tough place! (((Hugs)))

It sounds like you are loaded with toxins and I'm happy to hear that you've started detoxing. That is step one towards successful treatment.

We are here to support you throughout your journey. Please lean on us. We care.
Posted 10/8/2015 1:01 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Smartone,
Please do not give up...easier said than done, I know, but one day at a time. Let us all help you get to the bottom of why you aren't able to detox or feel better.

I think that Sweetpeaisme may be on the right track. Have you ever been tested for MTHFR genetic defects? It is quite common. This article explains what that is: http://www.skepticalraptor.com/skepticalraptorblog.php/mthfr-gene-mutations-are-the-root-of-all-health-problems/

Are you currently taking Folate and vitamin B12 supplements? These are not expensive and rather than spending $100 on an MTHFR test (at least for now), you can begin taking them to see if you start feeling better.

This combination seems to help me as one of my genes have the mutation. I hope and pray that you will start to see relief soon.
Posted 10/8/2015 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Smartone, I'm so sorry for what you have been and are going through. I can't offer much. But I just want to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm in a rough period myself, but one day at a time is a helpful philosophy for me. I don't know if that helps. I just hope you can get some relief soon.

Keep hanging in there. Big big big hugs!
Posted 10/9/2015 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I am also sorry you are suffering such pain Smartone. Could you enable your email address so I can write to you.
Posted 10/10/2015 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
Smartone....we all feel your pain...you brought me to tears with your post. Do u have anyone u can talk to? Please please dont give up....there is help...we need to get you to a point where your head and your heart believe you will get better. We are here to help you!!!
Posted 10/12/2015 1:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Smartone,

If you ever need another lymie to talk to, please feel free email me (click my name and it will have an option to email me). I would be more than happy to chat on the phone or email or whatever your comfortable with any time. If you have no one there to lean on and vent to, I will gladly give you an ear to speak to anytime.

Please start praying for the strength to see this through and the knowledge to learn the lesson God is teaching you rather than for him to take you. This is one of the many trials and tribulations that we all will face throughout our life that teach us to be more like the lord. He would never give us more than we can handle so we all must be pretty darn strong :) You can get through this. I know you can.

I'll keep you in my prayers smartone.
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