Posted 2/18/2016 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
YOU CAN JUST IGNORE THIS. It's fine. Either way, best wishes. Apologies, if I come as an eyesore.
I realize that some of what I'm about to say isn't the sort of thing that you're wanting to hear, which I can understand. I never wanted to either. In fact, I still don't.
But, inescapable truth of the matter is that it takes as long as it takes - you can't rush, you can't force your way through, unless you're willing to deal with the consequences, which could prove to worsen your condition, or even be irreversible.
I know, it sucks, you hurt, and feel your life is ruined. You want the old you back. I've been there. Actually, I'm still there.
See, a year ago, I told myself, 2015 is going to be the year that I finally take my life back. Alright, Antonio, we're going to get a nice piece of good health back, always pushing for more, go back to school, reconnect with family, friends, etc.
Well, 2015 wasn't my year, and I didn't get to do any of those things. But, what I did get was a wealth of knowledge both from the occurrences of the months past. My struggles, failures, and triumphs, however few.
This is knowledge that I have begun using to better arm myself in my fight against the sicknesses that plague me.
No, I'm not an expert, I say this all the time, but I'm a little less of a beginner than I was the last time around the bend. That's something.
2015 wasn't my year, but I made it to 2016 to try again, which is something. I'll admit that part of me hates that mentality, because it justifies the fact that another year was lost to illness.
Some are fortunate with their treatment efforts, seeing positive results relatively quickly, while others experience something a little different. That's not to say those who get lucky have it easy, just that they got a little headstart over the rest
Everyone has a puzzle to try and piece together, a picture all their own. Sure, we can look to others for insight, inspiration, because, hey, maybe these puzzles and scenes have a similar theme?
But, at the end of the day, doctors and other support systems aside, your world is in your hands.
Granted, there is only so much we can do, based on certain worldly factors such as location, finances, family dynamic, what our own bodies and minds are capable of, etc.
On top of that, we are in large part governed by the way the world around us is structured, and it is structured quite poorly if you ask me.
I realize these things, I suffer from them as well. My situation is not ideal. There are aspects of my life that are not "in my hands."
My point is - do what you can, or at least try. That's all any of us can do.
Something doesn't work? Try to find out why, and make attempts to fix it. When that doesn't work, move onto the next thing. It may not be a matter of the medications and supplements being useless, but rather that they were incorrectly applied - wrong time, wrong combination, in a body that could not absorb them properly, etc. There are many reasons.
This probably won't help you. You may already be aware of some of these things. Whatever the case, I apologize.
I deal with such thoughts and many more all the time. I am often a very negative person. I was before Lyme, and, in some ways, I might be after. I see the bad in everything more quickly, clearly than the good. That's how the world raised me. It is a very dangerous thing.
That said, my words here are just as much for me as they are for you.
Brighter tomorrows are never promised, but we can hope, we can try, and strive to prove the darker sides of ourselves liars.
God's ugly stepchild is beautiful, even if he is a ****** son, unwanted by all, or even if every glance at his outward reflection screams otherwise.
So are you, Roxy, somewhere in there.
Just keep fighting to find it.
♡