I'm really struggling bad!!!

I am so very sorry. I know exactly what you mean. I could not explain to my husband of 27 years how horrible I was feeling. I knew he did not get it. How do you explain all these horrific symptoms to someone? I could not even express myself. I, being a very sensitive and emotional girl, cried. I cried for days. I did not know how I was going to deal with this.

I knew there was no way I could explain the magnitude of this disease and I still have distant (well now they are for sure) relatives that make me feel that they believe I am faking my illness. I want to shove my Ingenex test down their throat!!

But..... inside me is a survivor. Inside me is a tough girl. Inside me there is a person that needs no approval from anyone else!

I am going to beat this sucker. I don't need sympathy, compassion or even someone to understand. I realize that this is my own battle.

I choose to get better and do what it takes and to heck with the other "stuff." Because most of life is made up of "stuff."

It just got real and I happily can now pick and choose what is good for me. If you are not good for me, I am so sorry but we probably won't see each other or talk.

I am selfish! I had to learn to do this for my own survival. I want to be healthy again.

StOrch, you too can do this.

Know I care.

~Annette

forgot to mention when I was on antibiotics for 4-5 months trying to kill it my herx reactions were so bad and painful I laid in bed screaming why can't I just die already and had my fiance at the time just crying holding me as I was shaking in so much pain. BUT my dad still made me go to work, even as I passed out while working fell many times at work, twisted ankles etc didn't matter he would make me feel bad and push me to go to work and complain if I took a 5 min break after pushing 5-6 hours STRAIGHT in construction work.

Sandor - If the clinic in Alberta is going to cost you 3-5000 $ per month - then you are better off going to B.C. - either to Dr. C. in Richmond or Dr. B. In Vernon.

I don't know about Dr. B. - but Dr. C. Will do phone appointments after your initial consult.
So, your first appt. would be expensive because of the travel, but after that, it would be much more reasonable than the clinic you're talking about.
My monthly appointments including supplements range from $150 to $400. That doesn't include your antibiotics though.

After You beat this....You will be stronger....start thinking about Yourself and how this situation can and will get
better.

Go talk to someone,it may help.

Stay on treatment....there will be "ups and downs"....improvement needs a positive attitude (even semi positive).

Hope? I have talked to many in the medical community and FINALLY (slooowwwlly) admitting Chronic Lyme is real and more people have it than once believed.

I look at this as if I am going into battle.....call me nuts? that's okay....this sh@t is not winning)

St0rch, I edited your post only to edit the title. When I saw that title, I panicked because people really DO die from Lyme. As miserable as you are, you are not dying, so I wanted to remove the panic that it could cause others. I do hope that you are not too upset about that.

I can sympathize with your situation. I think many of us here can.

It does seem to be a part of the illness for some to be in heavy denial that it's Lyme causing these things. I won't post articles (unless you do wish to see them) explaining how your symptoms all point to Lyme, because I'm not sure that's what you are looking for.

I have lived with these infections for 40 years - and then I got reinfected. That hurt in sooo many ways. I was devastated that after the absolutely best year in my entire life after healing the first time, I got reinfected. It was hard to accept and I was in denial for weeks - even though I knew absolutely that's what it was. Again.

If you feel like you may harm yourself, please reach out to someone (even me!) that you feel you can talk to, because believe it or not, life really IS worth living - even if we have to do live it with Lyme for a while. (see below for a list)

If that gal was going to cheat on you, she would have done it whether you were sick or not - believe me. my first husband cheated on me - not because I was sick (I was, but the symptoms weren't super bad), but because he wasn't committed to "us". My being sick was just his excuse. Had I been healthy, he would have found some other excuse. He simply chose another person over me, and for me, it only takes one time and I'm done.

Lyme Disease Hotline: 1-800-886-LYME (1-800-886-5963)

U.S. Helplines

National Suicide Hotline

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.


NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999


Or go online for help:

------Online Hotline Resources--------

www.crisischat.org/chat/

www.befrienders.org/

/www.imalive.org/

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


There's even a suicide prevention with texting!!!
Need Help? Text “CTL” to 741741.

CTL (Crisis Text Line) helps individuals in crisis by connecting them with a compassionate, trained listener through a toll-free texting service. CTL is available nationwide and 24/7
www.crisistextline.org/ for more information about this option.

Please keep reaching out to people that can understand what you are dealing with.