Kickin'Lyme said...
I'm not getting any better, no improvement in months. My brain fog won't get better. I have urges to hurt myself, I hate myself, and I feel so out of control of my body. I feel guilty for ruining my husbands life and putting us in debt for treatment and a diet that doesn't seem to be doing us any good. I feel like a Guinea pig and doctors are useless. I miss my friends and my old life. I feel so alone, and I have no one to talk to about any of these fears that I have to keep bottled up while I pretend to "have a positive outlook".
I'm scared for my future. Should I just go off treatment? Finances are bad. I lost my period five months into treatment, five months ago. I'm just so scared. Will this ever end? I need some coping mechanisms.
Again - I'm so sorry you are struggling like this. I've been there a few times during my treatment and if tx isn't bad enough, this puts me over the edge. Try very hard to slow everything down - your thoughts, your actions, your emotions... there are great breathing exercises on youtube - they really, really work to bring you out of a panic and/or back from a dark place. You can do them anywhere, anytime.
There are several trouble-shooting suggestions we talk about
here for people who are not making progress with treatment. There is a LOT more to treatment and healing than taking antibacterial herbals/pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately, even some lyme specialists miss this very important part of our reality.
A few questions to ponder (I've copied and pasted this from previous post of mine so not all of this is going to apply to you but wanted to post as quickly as I could):
1. How well is your immune system functioning? Does it need healing time?No amount of drugs or herbs or other treatment can heal you without the support of your immune system. What can you do to support it is key. A healthy gut is key (70% of your immune system lives in your GI tract) so DIET is HUGE, leaky gut is a major roadblock and has to be successfully overcome, tackling other drains on the immune system like a high viral load, fungal load, etc. are also very important.
Sometimes, it's OK to take a break and heal the gut so that it can do a better job of absorbing our oral treatments and taking care of infections:
www.thefooddoc.com/diagnoses/leaky_gutwww.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=3294327Bell's Palsy of the gut
www.lymenet.de/literatur/vtsherr_gut.htm - gut dysbiosis that might also be affecting digestion and food/supplement absorption? See:
.................Bowel Disorders, Part I: about
Gut Disease
perfecthealthdiet.com/2010/07/ulcerative-colitis-a-devastating-gut-disease/.................Bowel Disorders, Part II: Healing the Gut By Eliminating Food Toxins
perfecthealthdiet.com/2010/07/bowel-disease-part-ii-healing-the-gut-by-eliminating-food-toxins/.................Bowel Disorders, Part III: Healing Through Nutrition
perfecthealthdiet.com/2010/07/bowel-disease-part-iii-healing-through-nutrition/.................Bowel Disorders, Part IV: Restoring Healthful Gut Flora
perfecthealthdiet.com/2010/07/bowel-disease-part-iv-restoring-healthful-gut-flora/2. Do you also have other infections/or other loads creating additional burden on your immune system that is keeping it from functioning well? - coinfections? You don't necessarily need to test for these - see:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=3033860 - high viral load(s)? Google viral symptoms and also see:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=3618192 - yeast/fungal overgrowth? See:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=1606610&g=3644275#m36442753. Are you detoxing appropriately with effective and consistent protocols?Often, you have to switch things up or try new ways of detoxing if you're in a stalemate. There are some really good conversations here about
detoxing already - I like to try to hit the following categories in one way or another... it's not easy and takes even more time than the microbial treatment but in many ways, detoxing is more important than antimicrobial tx because your body needs to detox in more ways than just processing the tx.
GI
Detoxing in the GI - bowel movements are probably the most important detoxing in the gut - digestion is one of our natural detoxing mechanisms and if you are constipated, all those toxins are sitting in your intestines and with any damage to the mucosal lining (leaky gut, etc.) they are likely getting reabsorbed.
- I find that pure cholestyramine, while an EXCELLENT binder, has also made me more regular than I've ever been in my entire life... ask me if you'd like more info.
- I've also had success with drinking an 1/2c aloe vera juice + 2 T tart cherry juice cocktail (soothing and the tart cherry is a laxative).
LYMPH
Dry brushing before a detox soak is an excellent way to help move toxins through the circulatory system and to help clear out lymph nodes. Lots of info on the web.
LIVER
With lyme & co tx the liver really needs support - I have had a lot of success with milk thistle seed + burdock root (one wasn't enough for me and I was on abx AND antivirals AND antifungals at one time - the combo worked like a charm), adequate water is essential, and a safe, gentle liver cleanse might also be a good idea if you're strong enough.
SKIN
sweating/sauna and detox soaks are the best way to take advantage of our largest detox organ - our skin - to draw toxins out of the body. Lots of methods and recipes.
BRAIN
For psycho-neuro, cognitive functions I would try pinella and bur bur - they have been really great for me. Also, keeping digestion moving helps (remember the gut-brain connections) to eliminate toxins that might be reaching the brain. Addressing yeast/fungal overgrowth is also critical for brain health since they can create mycotoxins (literally, ethanol and acetaldehyde) that get into the brain - causing the fog and many other sx.
4. If you have implemented a solid detox program then you have to look at the context of your treatment and detoxing protocol. Is your treatment too aggressive? There needs to be a balance between "treatment in (killing microbes) = detox out (getting rid of debris). You can also be detoxing more quickly than your body can process it. If that is out of balance, you will remain overloaded with toxins.
5. Is there a more dominant infection than the one you are treating? The body is dynamic - ever changing and the treatment can cause a shift, the detoxing can cause a shift--so it's important to evaluate and recalibrate every now and then. This is why many LLMDs test for co-infections and pay close attention to any clinical cues in your symptoms for what to treat first but this is dynamic and may change over time.
6. Do you have functional problems detoxing due to DNA mutations or other health issues? If you don't get around the detoxing and methylation issues, you'll never get the toxins out of your system faster than you're creating them with the treatment and the infection, which carries on until you suppress it. Other mutations (neurotransmitter, digestion, cardio, HPA axis/endocrine) can also hinder other body systems that will create conditions that contribute to not feeling well (for instance—neurotransmitter imbalances can contribute to depression, anxiety, crankiness). This is a bit of a maze that takes time to work through, as well - we've talked about
it a lot but here is one conversation:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=3413587&g=3414439#m3414439***
Generally, we are juggling a LOT of balls in the air but this kind of treatment requires constant evaluation and awareness. Not easy when you're feeling the walls narrowing in on you.
But you're so smart to post your frustration here and soliciting help and support. My brain gets so fried I forget to do that and the isolation gets much, much darker. Maintain communication as best you can - and maybe the most important suggestion - is to
see beyond today's frustrations - see yourself healthy and happy in the future life you deserve. Visualizing is an important process. It's not fluff--it is simply
willing yourself past illness.
Please post questions and anything else you need help with.
-p