Its not worth it anymore for me

I cant seem to go on like this. My life has been over now since a few months. I feel like a disappointment to myself and to my family. I cant imagine living each day trying to experiment with an herb or antibiotic, thinking oh this one might make things better. Truth is it has not gotten better. Maybe it does initially when I have hope but I have lost that as well. Living like this is not worth it to me. I just wanted to thank everyone here for all the help.

Please don't give up. Fight with us. I get periods where I feel like it would be better if I was done. Hopeless. But a day or two later I feel different - sometimes I can't even remember or believe I could feel that way. They have lessened in the last 8 months. This disease does a number on the brain.

I can't recall what you've tried. One thing that has helped me is the green dragon core protocol. It's easy - 3 capsules, 3x a day. That's all I'm doing right now - it's a mix of herbs. Unfortunately it takes a good month or so before you feel anything. Everything takes time.

Sam12, these hopeless feelings, are part of the disease affecting you, your brain. Don't give in to it, there are things you can do to feel better and reduce the depression it is causing.

we all experience some pretty low moments in which nothing seems positive, but those moments will pass.

please give this another try, one day at a time.

remember, depresion can be serotonin based, or dopamine based. Mucuna increases l-dopa so if you are not responding to SSRI's it's possible you are dopamine deficient.

Thank you for the encouraging replies everyone. Its hard for me to shake this off, this feeling of doom that comes and goes. I literally have thoughts of ending it all multiple times a day. I don't think its depression, its just I can't seem to get better. This feeling of constant tiredness, being on the cusp of a fever but never reaching that capacity, skin's color seems so pale and skin is so oily. I look at myself and I don't recognize myself, I look at my old photographs and wish I could go back in time when I was healthy and happy. My fingers shake a lot and I have zero energy. This is not the life that I envisioned. I have tried antibiotics, both Doxy and Ceftin, started buhners with Cats Claw but did not notice a difference with it. I have not tried Bee Venom bluelyme, nor do I know how to access someone who will help with it. Tried multiple supplements but I cant seem to stick. I am just tired of all. I am tired when I go back home to visit and I burst into tears as I feel horrible for my parents, extended family who try their best to help but it just doesnt work. I don't want them to worry about me. Maybe if I am not there they will move on. Wish it was easier. Wish God would just take in my sleep.

Thank you trova

sam12 - please don't give up. It will get better...but it takes longer...eventually you will get better...but you must keep going...keep treating.


I'm so sorry you're feeling this way....it is really difficult sometimes...I know...we know.
But you can do it...you can...


Sending you big hugs.

If you need help please don't hesitate to call one of the following hotlines:


National Suicide Hotline

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.


NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696


Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999


------Online Hotline Resources--------

www.crisischat.org/chat/

www.befrienders.org/

/www.imalive.org/

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


There's even a suicide prevention with texting!!!
Need Help? Text “CTL” to 741741.

CTL (Crisis Text Line) helps individuals in crisis by connecting them with a compassionate, trained listener through a toll-free texting service. CTL is available nationwide and 24/7
www.crisistextline.org/ for more information about this option.

Please keep reaching out to people that can understand what you are dealing with. You can beat these feelings!!

Cyber hugs Sam,
I know the feeling, its easy to understand.
Lyme takes you to dark places when hope is lost.
I like BlueLymes suggestions. He's got an adventurous spirit and he's got some out of the mainstream ideas. There are still more things you can try...............
Theres others on the forum experimenting with treatments other than herbs and meds. They don't work for me either. Earlier this year I felt like you everything I had tried had failed but it wasn't the end of the road I have found a few things that have helped. I have lyme for 21 years now and only been diagnosed for 18 months. I thought that meant I was going to get better but noooo.......the breakthrough is yet to come. Just believe in something better in spite of everything, and you may be right. Because I am very allergic I am trying nanosilver(it helps),rifing(it works a bit), Chim floux Aviva (only just started so I cant say just yet) but it does give you a wonderful sense of wellbeing and I am herxing on it. There's things you can still do. Events are telling you to look for another path. You never know your luck keep on believing. Talk to Blue lyme he may have some ideas
Hang in there, be kind to yourself. Anyone with lyme understands where you are coming from lyme is a hard taskmaster. It really pulls you away from being yourself.
JulyMorning I love the analogy of 'spitting into a fire" I am in my 60s to thats easy to relate too.

Sam12
I am so sorry to hear this!! Please keep fighting! Don't let those stupid bacteria win.

We are all here for you!!! ;)

This forum is my only support. Friends and family don't get it and don't care. Probably most of us have been there too.
I have often heard that ending it all is the most selfish thing you can do. But in my very dark days and months, I thought it was actually pretty selfless. That way I wouldn't be spending all my husbands hard earned money on treatment, tests, Drs, etc. My husband won't have to be my care taker anymore, chauffeur, grocery shopper, nurse. He can live a life that he TOO envisioned for himself, not this one. I want that SO bad for him. Lyme has taken everything from us. My ability to have children, our finances, our vacations, my ability to work, function, and so on. Having to cancel plans 90% of the time. I so often struggle with my purpose in life. Like how can I be making a difference sitting on the couch all day with my dog? But he told me that this has made him appreciate life so much more and not to worry about the frivolous, small stuff. It is so hard on those we love too. It just doesn't seem fair to them and that makes us feel guilty too on top of everything else! We all here understand that! But when good days come, and they do!, they mean so much more and have a vibrancy to them that I don't think others who haven't been through this can truly grasp.

I don't know if you are religious or spiritual, but I believe that there is a purpose in our suffering. We may never know what it is. And that is the hard part. But it's ok too. Maybe it is to show others grace and empathy in trials, or how to suffer "well", or to keep us humble and grateful for the small blessings and steadfast friends and people in our life. Or to be an example of strength, bravery, courage, optimism, or endurance to others. Or to help others who are going through hard times. Instead of empty words, we KNOW what they need. There is a deepness in our ability to understand others hardships because we have been there. And I think that is a pretty cool thing!

But like others have said, this our new normal for now. Not forever! And it stinks because it's not so visible as say an obvious disability, so that makes us feel more isolated too. I was crying in my LLMD's office, lamenting the life I used to have. He is nice but not a great bedside manner. He said, "Stop analyzing everything. Just live." And I said, "Well this isn't living! " He said, "Would you say that about someone in a wheelchair? That they aren't living? You are doing all you need to be doing, and just try to enjoy new things with a different perspective ." I was so angry at him for reprimanding me, but after I thought about for a couple days, I realized he was right. And am thankful for that.

This is the hand we've been dealt for now. And there are big huge bumps in the road. But we have to stay the course! And just think how awesome it will be to be on the other side of it! We will surely have an appreciation for life that most of the world will never get. Like a gift. :) I think any chronically ill person can understand that, not just Lymies.
Praying for you and giving you a big hug right now.

Go, fight, win!!!

Hi Sam,
Sorry you are feeling this way. I see you joined in August. Is that when you were diagnosed? I ask because I was diagnosed in August (after suffering serious symptoms for over a year) and I'm at the point where I want to give up too. I might be able to deal with the depression and feeling like I'm going insane alot better if my body didn't hurt. Once my body starts to hurt, I go into such an even worse place mentally. Today, I feel like "who would notice if I gave up?" I'm all alone so I'm not burdening anyone; I've already isolated myself because I'm so miserable to be around. I miss having a life, a personality, motivation and ambition. I hate feeling this ugly inside. It's like there's a demonic uprising going on inside me at times lol Sometimes I can squash it right away, sometimes I can't. They say it gets better. I hope so. Because I certainly don't like the person I've become lol

So, maybe we can become healing buddies since we are almost at the same point in the road? Maybe we can find a way to laugh through this together? It's nice to have people who have already gone through it to give advice and strength and hope, but it's also necessary to know people who are right where you are to lean on too.Just a thought. xoxo

Oh Sam! I'm so very sorry. I can so relate. I'm so very tired of this battle as well. It's lasted decades for me, but I'm very unusual in this.

Please do realize, cat's claw alone won't fight these infections, you need to do the whole protocol - whatever one you choose to use. And it's not hopeless!! I was told it was hopeless when I couldn't tolerate abx - yet now people are using herbs to heal from these infections all the time. There is more and more information coming out on treatments all the time. And there are so many things you have yet to try!

I know one lady that was at the same point you were at, and I kept encouraging her to keep trying. She had tried everything out there, but it wasn't until she tried using Essential Oils for healing from these infections that she finally started making progress!! She's now active and doing well!!!

This is not something that will be over in just a few weeks or a few months for most of us, but it surely is worth the fight!! It's just a long journey in our lives, and this community can be a part of it for all of us. It's a wonderful place to come for support and pep talks and ideas!

5-htp is cheap, available anywhere, and helps most people in times like this. Walmart even has it. The cheap stuff works too. If you cant sleep at night, nap in the day. We need sleep, any sleep will help.

Your thyroid is quite possibly taking a hit too- that will also cause depression on top of the endless drewry that lyme / co's cause.