so depressed, anxious, confused...still

Hi,
I am reaching out again for support. I have had episodic depression now 7-8 times in my life from age 40-60 and later learned I had concurrent Lyme disease, co infections, EBV, and CMV. I was never treated back in 95,and had severe body aches. Now there are times I feel full with life, have confidence, and feel contented. But there are times that I start with insomnia, anxiety, depression, achy legs, dull headaches, fatigue, night sweats, sore throats that never develop into a cold, memory issues, eyesight blurry, off balance, clumsy, sensitivity to sound, heart flutters, word retrieval issues, and some strange other symptoms like nervey feelings on my skin. I also have hashimotos thyroiditis.

I am now in a deep depression, severe anxiety. I see a therapist, on an antidepressant, and nothing seems to help. My LLMD tested me for the above and most of it has cleared on labs... I was PCR urine positive for Lyme this summer as well and active EBV and CMV and elevated ANA and another inflammatory marker. But now on antiviral herbs still and it has not shown up on my latest labs. Last week she muscle tested me for babesia and it tested positive so started herbal drops for that. Seems I feel more anxiety but can't even tell what is what anymore.

I am so confused because now my symptoms are just mostly the anxiety and depression, achy legs, fatigue, memory... feel like I have dementia issues... dizzy, lightheaded, eyesight diminished even though my exam last April was fine with my glasses. Oh I lost vision in one eye last spring which they said was from a virtuous humor detachment which is normal now.

I don't know which end is up. I have no motivation to help myself anymore. I try and I feel the worst part of this is depression/anxiety which I feel is the worst disease one could have because attitude has everything to do with healing oneself. I just can't snap out of this. I try to work a little (from home) but feel so fearful, I am not functioning well. I have stress and of course that contributes but I try working on letting go and know I can't control much in life. My organizational skill and decision making are really bad right now and I have to keep functioning but it is so darn hard.

I'm not sure why I am really writing... I guess I wonder whether this really is Lyme and infections harming my brain or whether the depression is a primary issue. I which there was a test to look at our brains... I requested and brain MRI but that probably won't show anything.

I don't detox very well because I am not motivated to do it anymore... I did take alka seltzer Gold last night and this morning. I'm so anxious I'm dizzy... or maybe it is not from anxiety... I don't know anymore.

I hate whining and complaining about this but I'm so discouraged

For the last six years I have treated them even with antibiotics by mouth, one time bacilli Im but reacted locally very badly with huge skin irritation and hematoma. I have had it clear and by blood work gone away, but seem to relapse with stress. Not sure it it ever has gone away completely and don't think they are new infections because I don't get joint ache anymore.

By the looks of your signature line and the words of your post, I don't think you treated your lyme disease long enough. You have to treat lyme until all the symptoms are gone and then continue treating for a couple more months beyond that point.

What does your LLMD say? And hopefully your LLMD is trained on detoxing and can explain to you how important it is.

While you have lyme, spirochetes are dying with their natural life span. Treatment kills some more. Our immune system tries and kills even more. What you end up with is a lot of toxins that are not being eliminated. Detoxing is simply a way of eliminating toxins so our systems can be healthy and perform at their best so we heal.

Detoxing is super important and I wish more doctors would explain this to their patients before the patient returns complaining of feeling worse on the medicine they are given (herxing).

It says you are taking herbs. Which ones, how often and what dose. Maybe something just needs a little adjustment. Maybe someone here can point out a change that you need.

Hang in there. You definitely have a full plate. We will try and help you remove something.

Have you found anything that helps ?