dumped while having chronic illness

My treatments had been going okay, I was doing everything I could to prepare a life for myself post-lyme. I got myself a paid teaching internship and I had just come back from visiting my long distance partner.

Well, my partner is supposed to come visit tomorrow but just told me that long distance is too hard. They don't know if they're going to come and visit anymore.

Has anyone gone through a breakup or divorce while having this disease? I really didn't think it could get any harder than it is, but turns out it could. I was wrong. I already lost all my friends from this illness and now I'm losing the love of my life.

This happens to many of us. While a supportive partner would be a blessing being alone is much better than a non-supportive partner. Focus and getting better and trust the good lord has something great waiting for you.

this disease puts major strains on a relationship due to how impactful it is to every aspect of your day to day life. most folks who have a partner with this chronic disease cannot understand it even if they're with you day to day.

i actually heard a friend of my wife say if her husband ever got this disease and it affected him like it has me then she'd leave him.

unfortunately human beings are selfish by nature and in this world of ever growing entitlement and self absorption (fakebook anyone) this is becoming more common.

i couldn't imagine today having to fight World War 1 or 2 you wouldn't get enough folks to sacrifice themselves for the country let alone the guy down the street.

gabybee said...
Clearly there is no empathy there. People are so impulsive now too, they avoid pain at all costs and only look for a quick fix for pleasure. I should've known better. Most people my age don't want to work on relationships, let alone a long distance one with a chronically ill person.

Gaby,

I see in your signature that you're 22 years old. You still have many years ahead of you, so I would urge caution in not painting everyone with the same brush. The younger folks today are certainly different than when I was your/their age (my parents would have said the same thing about my generation), but there are still good people out there. Unfortunately, it's a numbers game.

Anyway, I'm very sorry for your pain. Of course, the parting of ways was not your fault. First, you didn't choose this confounding condition. Secondly, I don't think you "should've known better." I think you were right to give it a try, because, if we stop trying things, due to fear of pain or loss, where does that leave us? That would be a pretty sad life, I think.

I think what magoo2 wrote is very wise:

"While a supportive partner would be a blessing, being alone is much better than a non-supportive partner. Focus on getting better and trust the good Lord has something great waiting for you."

I'm also reminded of some passages I read from the Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran's book The Prophet. I first read the book around age 18 or 19, when a friend loaned it to me.

On Joy and Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

On Pain
Kahlil Gibran

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears."

While I sort of understood the intent, when I first read them, I wasn't sure I necessarily agreed. But, now, over three decades later, they make more sense. The writing didn't change. I did.

The events that caused me the most pain in my life were also the circumstances that allowed me to grow the most. For better or worse, that's often how it goes. I even include Lyme Disease in the list, as it's been one of my greatest teachers. I previously scoffed at the idea that a chronic condition could be something for which to be grateful. But, now, several years later, I understand.

Again, I'm truly sorry for your heartache over the situation. You're right to be hurt and upset. Do what you need to do, in order to grieve the situation. That should allow you to move beyond it and gain some perspective on it. One day, in the not-too-distant future, I predict you will look back on the matter and be grateful that it turned-out the way it did, given all the circumstances.

Until then, we'll still be here for you.

Best always,
The Dude

I wanted to express my sympathies as well. Please do see it as immaturity on their side.

Having been ill most of my life, I've had a lot of these experiences. As others have said, one partner having a chronic illness is very hard on any relationship.

I got lucky when I met my current husband. I made sure he understood that I would likely never "get well", even though at the time I didn't know what I was dealing with - but even if I had known, I would have had to say the same thing! But, he took it in style and with grace - and I was 37 at the time, had been married twice by then, I left one of them, the other one died from cancer - and then I met my current hubby. We have had our issues - but he is now disabled (after 8 years of marriage), so we do very well together now! LOL! We just take care of each other on bad days.

That's just to reinforce what The Dude said - there are good people out there, and as hard as it can be to wait, take the time to work on yourself now - your health and other aspects of yourself. And, we will always be here for you!!