Support with Loss

CatLady - im so sorry for your loss.

I love cats too. I was devastated when my little red headed polydactyl kitty died suddenly a few years ago.
I still have our tabby who is 16 1/2 years old and I have prepared myself that she will not be around for a long time.

Have you thought about getting another kitty? A rescue perhaps?
You will fall in love with another one.

You can call me whenever you need to, day or night. You don't need to be alone. I just don't know how to give out my number on here. I also have a cat who I love so much. She is my heart. Please know you're not alone even if it feels like it.

I am sorry to hear about your cat
What I learned when my last cat died was to try instead of feeling just emotional pain, to feel gratitude for the beautiful gift of her life, of her in my life, all the joy, and learning that she brought us. Whoever we share our lives with, human or animal, it always enriches our lives immensely. Every life has an end, that is natural and given, but it wasn't given that you would have all those wonderful years to share with him, it was a beautiful gift in your life. He was also very lucky to have you.
Maybe volunteering in an animal shelter a few hours a week could be helpful, if you are physically able to, and if you feel like trying that at all at this moment.

Dude, I love the last thing that you wrote.

Hi, CatLady,

Right now, it's probably all a bit too much...

The weight of your loss, the grief, the sickness you surely feel in the pit of your stomach, having to deal with all the usual things in daily life, trying to imagine how you will move forward, and more.

I just want to assure you that the suffering will lessen.

No one can tell you when or to what degree, because it's different for everyone, it's not a linear progression, and there are often setbacks. There's no obvious moment in time when we think "Oh, yeah, there 'it' was." Rather, one day, you'll simply notice that your heart is lighter, though you'll be unable to pinpoint when it began.

As you continue to remember your companion, the love you feel for him, and the unconditional love and support you received in return, those drops of love and gratitude will slowly heal your broken heart and dilute the grief it contains.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

You're both on my mind.

Sincerely,
Dude

I am so moved and comforted by all of your support, thank you, you all made a dent in someone else’s suffering. This loss is complicating my grief because of the Lyme (which makes me feel hopeless sometimes) and it’s so nice to feel seen and heard by folks who have lived/are living through both, so thank you for normalizing my experience and respecting the depth of our bond. I wanted to offer my sympathies for all of your losses as well. Thank you for allowing me the space to honor my boy.

Girlie-I remember you sharing your traumatic experience with your poor kitty and I can only imagine how losing him that way complicated your grief as well, I am terribly sorry. I really hope you have more time with your remaining kitty and that you enjoy every last precious moment with her. You are doing something right to get her to that age!

Riverlee-I do plan on getting a new cat. The hard part is I’ve had cats most of my life, but this was my soul kitty (I was obsessed with THIS particular kitty). He was this giant, handsome, wild and regal-looking grey tabby with the softest fur I’ve ever felt and the most laid back, happy disposition. He was so uncomplicated and one of those cats that even cat haters liked because he was almost dog/human-like. He would sleep on a pillow, let me brush his teeth, opened doors, balanced things on his head, hung his head out of the car windows during road trips, talked up a storm and seemed to understand exactly what you were saying, and even went for walks on a leash. He loved to be loved and literally nothing bothered him, and was so nurturing and loving. He would have been perfect as one of those kitties that cheers up sick folks in the hospital. I just have never met a cat anything like him, so while I will adopt again, I think I should wait or else the next poor kitty will never measure up .

Natasha-Thank you so much for offering, I would love to talk but also am not sure how to swap numbers. Can anyone assist with that?

Dude- I remember you fondly. I went to email you but am not seeing the option to do so and would love to chat about our cats over the phone. It takes a secure man to proudly claim cat man status, by the way. You are such a comfort to others and always seem to know precisely what to say and have such an eloquent way of writing. You’re a smart cookie too and offer great advice. The links you sent really hit the spot. I have bookmarked them and am going to read them every single day (or every hour if need be), thank you! Writing has been therapeutic for me as well and I started a diary where I write to my boy every day.

Thank you for checking in on me again and offering encouragement. You are correct, the first 2 days (it feels like 2 months) were just so overwhelming, the initial shock of losing my 24/7 shadow (he was almost always right next to me) was a lot to bear and adjust to. I’ve worked through grief before but never this intense, so its easy to forget and doubt your ability to cope/heal so I appreciate the reminder that pain lessens with time and even though you never get over it, you learn to live with it. What a beautiful sentiment, “Grief can only last a lifetime. Love lasts forever.”

Zimica-I agree, it is helpful to try and focus on what was gained rather than lost. I think I had to grieve what I lost first but today I have been able to feel such a sense of gratitude for this experience. It was a privilege to watch a beautiful little creature go through all life spans and to hold him in my arms during his final breaths. There was always this sense that he was my teacher. He was known as being the comeback cat because he faced many, many, many health issues but would always rally against all logic or medical expectations. He outlived expectations by at least 10 years and would just keep going and going with a happy disposition and just lived in the moment. He prepared me for my Lyme journey and taught me to never give up, be a better advocate for my own health, and the importance of support. I have been told by several people that he has given hope to other cat owners that they can also thrive despite health issues and what a wonderful thing that he left his mark.

Unsightly- He really does live in my heart. He had this ability to bring instant joy, even just the thought of him, and that is the legacy he leaves me with.

Saraeli-Thank you for validating and normalizing the isolation with this disease and how this complicates my grief. He was the only thing that made bed ridden days bearable and could always be relied on for company. I also appreciate the reminder that I should feel proud of how well I took care of him and that I saw him to through to the end.

Auzzie-Thank you for the condolences, I am also very sorry for your losses. Pets are so integrated into our lives, daily routines, and closely bonded that their absences are sometimes more deeply felt than when we lose the humans in our lives. What helped you through that time?

I'm so sorry you've lost your kitty. Cats are so special, and they always seem to know when we are feeling sick and need comfort. It is heartbreaking to lose your cat.
Lyme disease can be so isolating, and the lack of energy you have to spend making friends makes it even more complicated. I can give you advice for what has worked for me; maybe it will help you too. One thing is to give yourself something to look forward to. Maybe it's a book, a new movie coming out, trying a special blend of tea, a phone call with someone you care about, a walk in the park. Something to keep you going, even if it is small. Another thing is about people. I think that lots of people care about each other, but they get busy and caught up in life so they don't call. But if I pick up the phone and call people, they are always happy to hear from me and will be glad to chat. Sometimes I talk about feeling sick, sometimes I don't. It always helps me to connect with someone and remember I'm not alone, even if the Lyme disease says I am.
Sending you a digital hug.