I would say that I was confident before I got Lyme. Lost my confidence due to Lyme seemingly ruining my life. Then regained my confidence again as I educated myself and began to accept, and I mean actually accept, my illness mentally. Once I stopped trying to fight it frantically.
The conversation around type A/type B personalities is fascinating as I have had a similar experience.It's not always black and white and many exist on a spectrum but I would say I was mostly type A thorugh my childhood, teenage year, and young adulthood until I got sick. I was uber competitive. I LOVED competition to a fault. I remember making my little brother play basketball with me as kids and making him cry because I was too intense. I cringe thinking about
that now. Sports, ping pong, video games, random BS. I just loved to compete. On the other hand, I was my mother's son and I always had an emotional soft spot. I couldn't ever just run over anything or anyone to get what I wanted. As far back as I remember I had good sportsmanship as well. I never acted out when I, or my team, was defeated. Another nuanced factor was I always felt that, naturally, I cared less about
other's opinions of me than perhaps the average person cared about
other's opinions of them. However, in my early 20s, I suddenly felt the intense pressure of societal expectations and joined the military as an intelligence analyst because I knew people would respect that career and everything that came along with it (top secret clearance and all that jazz).*
* Side note: This career is mostly sitting in dark windowless rooms sitting at a computer for hours and hours day after day white as a ghost yearning for the sun and outside air fighting depression. Don't let the military fool you with their advertising lol.
Now I'm not even particularly old, but I'm getting there (36) and I totally relate to where you guys come from. MargaritaLyme brings up a really great point about
how this disease affects different systems in our body. Too much over-stimulation is so damaging it really does feel like a instinctual self-preservation type thing. I can't stand to be around chaos now whether that be people or situations. I've found meditation and a taoism type philosophy to be incredibly rewarding. I am far more like The Dude now than Michael Jordan.
It kind of worries me at times. If I was able to recover enough to work again I'm not sure how I could function in the work world. Every job I have ever had abused my youthful health and vitality for the companies monetary gain and all those jobs paid crap outside the military. I really have no desire to be traditionally "successful" anymore in the type A corporate business suit balls to the wall mentality.
This whole discussion is super fascinating in seeing how many of us have came to similar conclusions once we have become ill.
Post Edited (Lymie24) : 2/23/2023 7:38:01 AM (GMT-8)