The pain of losing people in your life...

I am writing this as a result of a situation that happened last night.

For the past 2 1/2 months (since my diagnosis), and due to the TERRIBLE herxing that I experienced for weeks, I was unable to get out of the house, hurt to talk on the phone or have any social life at all. My depression and bipolar symptoms increased and was mentally just shut down.
I know people don't understand this disease and we lose relationships as a result of what we are faced with going through, but this pain is incredible!

Out of a group of about 30, only 2 people called me during this time. I tried reaching in the beginning but didn't have any calls returned.

Last night I discovered that the husband/wife friends of mine of 6 years, which I thought I could depend on her to be there for steve and I and my family... Turned out they 'de'friended me from FB. I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but my hubby got angry and in my defense, he asked him why. He straight up lied and said they deleted their FB account. However as of this morning they are on and conversing with other 'mutual' friends!!

Last night I have never felt this kind of pain of losing friendships in my life! Not even over a man!!
I haven't sobbed like I did last night in many many years! I am angry at my disease, I'm angry at those so-called friends that used to tell us all the time that they didn't just want to know us through the good times but through the bad times as well.
I am in this state of mixed feelings and emotions!! I was looking forward to getting better to be a better friend to this group of friends. To have more energy and the ability to get out of the house and do things with them!
I know to look at the people that I DO have in my life still, the ones that haven't turned their backs on me (yet anyway?) I am grateful for a very supportive family and I am looking forward to getting to know my new Lyme friends I've met here.

I just had to get these feelings out and share them to you guys who might of even had something like this happen to you. It really is a disease of isolation. I have got to find a way to pull myself out of this!

I also have a 3 year old daughter who relies on me for everything (till daddy comes home at night) but the way I feel with Lyme is just had for her to understand. Why can I play one hour then the next hour I am couch ridden!!

I am so frustrated:(

If anyone has any words of comfort or advice, I could really use some right now. Please!

Thank you all!! Love this site!!

My heart goes out to you as well.  I too lost many friends.  I have learned that people have their own problems and quite simply don't want to deal with their own problem let alone someone else's.  It's okay.  Try and think positive.  I was so depressed and hurt and it was truly getting in the way of my getting well.  I made a conscious decision to stop thinking negative thoughts, remove myself from stressful situations and focus only on the positive.  It was a total lifestyle change for me.  I could no longer socialize with those that did not take my illness seriously or quite frankly had no interest in it or me.  Is it easy?  No but I now can enjoy each day without worrying about fitting in, socializing, and feeling left out.  For me, once I found that peace of mind, it made a world of difference in my everyday attitude.  Concentrate on dealing with YOUR life and family at the moment and who knows what will happen down the road. 

This breaks my heart to hear this because I can totaly empathize with how you are feeling. 
Go ahead and cry and get it out of your system. 

Then remember that we are all in this with you and you are not alone.

I happen to rely on my faith alot and I feel that sometimes we must go thru the bad and ugly to get to the good stuff.
The good stuff being 'good solid friends who make you feel good about yourself and make you a better person by just being in your life.

 
We all probably have lost people over this disease for one reason or another.
I just feel that if a friend isn't there for me when I need them the most, then that is not the person I should even be calling my friend.

I even started thinking that one of the positive things about lyme is that it separates the fair weather friends from the real friends.  (For me, my real friends are now out numbered)

The hardest part is when you realize that some of your friends were just not meant to be there forever, like they have served their purpose.
Remember, friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Here is a link that I think is interesting.

http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/reason-season.htm

Either way, just hold your head high and let them go.  You will be fine...it's their loss.

Hopehere: Not to sound repetitive, but you can add me to the list of people who have been so isolated with this disease. Over the past year I have been feeling so bad, and so not myself that I don't even recognize me. I get into the mind set that I can't stand myself, so why would anyone else want to be with me and I internerlize. But then a good day happens, and hope comes rushing back. I get a glimpse of my former self, and my heart sings! I want to gather up all my family and friends and say "remember me . . . here I am!" I have so many friends that I don't even get an occasional email from anymore. When I do speak with anyone, I now try not to dwell too much on me and Lyme. I know I carried on way too much in the past because I wanted so much to be validated (because God knows doctors won't) and for people to understand what I am going through. It would scare anyone away! It sure scares me! So, now it's more about what is going on in their lives which is good because there is not too much new and exciting about mine at the moment. It gives me hope that one day I too will have vacations, jobs and just day to day living to talk about. I just keep looking ahead to the good days that will come more often, and when they do, I will take every oportunity to get out there and live!! I know I will be better one day. I'm just taking it one day at a time!
Wishing you all those "good days".

Good evening all!

I am overwhelmed with wonderful feelings after reading each of your supportive responses! I appreciate all of you and your empathy and compassion!

I ended up meeting with this gal and she had so many negative things to say, this Is basically what she thinks of me; I'm paranoid, using LD as an attention getter (even though I haven't been out of the house for over 2 1/2 months) I have no business talking to others about the possibility of them having Lyme and if I can walk at the Lyme Awareness walk-a-thon, I can go to a saturday morning meeting (12 step recovery I've been in for 6 yrs). I was stunned! Yet I did not flinch!! I didn't justify or defend my disease. She walked away looking bad, not me. I had peace!


Earlier today, I called a very, very dear friend of our family, and she reminded me to steer clear of people who make you question your own reality!! There are many in my life right now that is doing this to me. I am going to start making some healthy choices for my own recovery and break ties from these people with a faith that my higher power will replace those severed relationships with good people who understands or who just wants to love on me!

Thank you for allowing me to express my deepest emotions on this topic.
I do believe that God uses ways to make us grow (emotionally & spiritually) whether it's mysterious, wonderful and/or painful experiences.

I am having difficult moments today, but I am realizing the gratitude I have for the positive people and things I have in my life right now.

There is a saying I love: 'Wear the world as a loose garment'

Thank you for helping me get things back into perspective and right sized!!

Enjoy your night and your tomorrow my friends!! :)

I continue to be a part of my 12 step recovery. I go to 2 a week. It help, to some degree to just sit and listen.

I've been sober for almost 6 years now! (in a row!!)

Thanks again! Now time to try and get some sleep before the possibility of insomnia sets in!! :/

Thanks again from my heart!!

Thank you borderlyme! It's been a challenge, but one day at a time... I get it done. She is an amazing little girl, my daughter, and she helps me out and asks me know when I can't move or get off the couch... "mommy, does your Lyme hurt?" then she brings her toys over and we play together or read together on the couch! She is teaching me how to 'accept life on life's terms', in a big way!

Miss C- thanks for the wonderful words! I owe everyday I've put together being sober, to my higher power! :) I believe too that it will give me the tools to get through this new journey of healing from LD!

I am learning very quickly, how strong, courageous and passionate one
has to be in order to take on LD and fight to feel better! I've been shown through my recovery that I do posses those qualities already and I am prepared for this fight of my life!! I thought quitting drinking and drugs was tough... Then I go through this.... There's a reason for all things and a timeline laid out just for me. I couldn't have done this 6 years ago! Even though I had symptoms, they didn't become severe until a few years ago!

I was shown through that time that I have a high pain tolerance. A lot of people don't understand how I have to mentally block out the pain in
order to do things in life, but you guys do!!

I am looking forward to getting to know people here and cheering for people as well as sharing grieve and sadness. Each must have a different type of celebration and coming together. This place offers both.

Thank you again for welcoming me and helping me feel comfortable to opening up and sharing my experience, strength and hope and my goal is to obtain these very things from others as well!

It's a we disease! We need each other to heal and pull through times!
So I applaud back to every single person who takes on this disease, looks at it head on and fights to win for themselves and in memory of others! I lost quite a few loved ones, I believe, to this disease and I am outspoken about LD and the distruction it causes to those who have it, ones who don't know they have it, the hostages this disease takes and lives it destroys!

Live well!!

That is what I always finds helps... Getting out of myself to help someone else, whether it's online or outside our home. Helps break that up from the mental torment that happens in our minds.

You guys (and my spirituality) gives me motivation and strength as well as great advice, encouragement and info regarding living life with Lyme!

I think I'll like being 'stuck' with you all!!

I haven't posted in several months, but I've been around on HW for a while...add me to the list of friend/family casualties, but I have learned from it!

I've told my story before because this topic has come up a number of times since I've joined, so I won't go into all the details again, but I think the thing we have to remember is that everyone has problems of their own and somehow we are expecting other people to be there for us like we have cancer or were involved in a bad car accident or something. I learned this lesson the hard way with an unrelated serious "invisible" illness starting when I was 17 and through my early 30's. It was truly devastating. BUT I learned so much about human nature at a very early age -- this started 30 years ago for me. Then, when I got Lyme and had no idea what was wrong with me for 4 years before being diagnosed, somehow I thought the people close to me would at least be interested in hearing what was wrong with me, but again I was wrong. And trust me, I am NOT a person to talk about health issues very much at all, so it was not like I was always talking about it. Then I found something on-line that really made sense. I wish I could quote it, but this is from memory: people can only deal with someone else's problems for a very short period of time, even cancer has about a four month max. That really makes sense when you think about the problems in for example your sibling's life or a friend's life -- we EACH have our own problems, responsibilities, issues, etc. to deal with. We reach out to our ability, but I certainly do not dwell on anyone else's issues for very long because I have my own life to contend with - which includes children/family, parents/extended family, work, church, friends, personal interests - I only have so much time/emotion for each area.

I again was hurt a year ago when my 39 yr old sister died completely unexpectedly. We were very close and she was one of my best friends, so this was a huge loss in my life. Close friends were certainly aware of it, but when I broke down crying on the 3 month anniversary, a couple of them clearly let me know it was time to keep it to myself; that I should be used to it by now and they didn't want to hear about it -- and I rarely talked about it to that point! One insinuated that it was the same as the loss of her 83 yr old mother who had been in a nursing home for a number of years. Seriously? An old person who has lived a full life, was in ill health for years, and was not active part of her day to day life was the same as a person who's life was cut short (less than half of her mother's lifetime), who was a very active person in my day-to-day life, and was so full of life? And I say this even less than 2 months after the death of my father who had been quite ill and lived a full life. As I cried and felt sorry for myself as I was grieving, I again remembered the 4 month max, and instead of holding onto the hurt, I just tried to look around at all the people in my life and what they are going through, and guess what? I had clearly forgotten about some of their issues, was not interested in some others, and felt I had given enough of myself to yet some others. So yes, it would be great if those around us were 100% tuned in to our needs, but that is an impossible dream. People just cannot be expected to carry around anyone else's emotional or health issues because we each carry around our own.

I hope this helps someone else to let go of the hurt and grow from the knowledge.

wow....i just posted close to the same thing while ago.....lol...and i feel ur pain...but at least u know theres others who can validate u and understand...and sometimes thats just enough "push" u need to get over that emotional hump.....i dont know any of u but i love ya'll....*group hug*......lol

I'm not nearly as insightful as most of the folks here on the forum, but I do appreciate and maintain my sanity from the postings. I hate lyme. I hate the boundaries it places on my life. But any positive I can get from this mess, I embrace it. I have always been a people-pleaser and have always worried about what they think, what I've done wrong, what else I could have done for so and so, etc. Now "it's all about me"..... If somebody doesn't want to deal with me and my baggage, fine....I'll find somebody who does. If it's nobody, then so be it... I find something else to feed my spirit....my cats still love me....and so does my husband although it's all hard for him to understand. I have eliminated several so-called friends simply because I needed more than they could provide. The upside is that I didn't feel guilty about it.... What a change!! This forum saved my life last year. At the time it wasn't a friend or a relative; it was a group of caring people banded together and I happened upon them....common thread. One of my first postings was 'suicide is not an option'. So when the chips are down and you're feeling like the only one with a certain set of symptoms, the folks on this forum are always there.

Haven't thanked you all in awhile....so thank you for continuing to make me feel...well....SANE!

A note to Miss Cranberry....You go girl....I love your postings.....