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I dont know about anyone else but im afraid i will be "dumb" forever

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Posted 12/16/2011 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
i feel like a "connect the dots picture"...only theres no connection...i know this sounds trivial...but this is a concern of mine...and i feel sooooo embarrassed.....when i cant even do simple math....i cant work out any problem...in my mind...and i have resorted back to "counting on my fingers".....if a "life" problem arises, i tell my husband to fix it....if someone is talking to me...most of the time as im taking time to "connect" what they are saying...the latter half of what they said i have already forgotten..and have to ask them to repeat theirselves....*sigh*.

 me and my husband watched the other night "are you smarter than a fifth grader" and i knew nothing even though i can remember being taught....and my husband laughed at me but when he went to sleep i cried my eyeballs out......im well aware that physically i may never get back to 100%...but im beggin to have my mind and creativity restored....

Posted 12/16/2011 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
I can relate and it is one of the hardest things for me to accept. I have always been quick witted and very analitical. I was quite proficent at public speaking, now I have trouble putting sentences together! Tell your hubby he needs to give you a hug I would if I was there. God bless
Posted 12/16/2011 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Ya'll sound like my daughter!!! She is 17 and trying to finish highschool at home. She gets soooooo frustrated--and she was always good at math. Do you think this is a symptom that will get better??!!
Posted 12/16/2011 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
thanks....but there will be no hugging...there is little support where "that " is concerned....but my thing is...even if i will have to jump through hoops concerning my physical...i want my mind back...i can make money with my mind...i am analytical also and used to be quick witted...now im reduced to laughing at myself to ease the trauma i feel at what i do sometimes....i dont know....i know im going to have to mourn the changes in my life and accept some things....but my mind is something im not willing to give up....and im going to fight til i aint got no fight left....but til then...i will be laughing at myself....ughhhh...at least i know im not alone....*big hugz to u* InHim
Posted 12/16/2011 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
treehouse....my first symptom of lyme 20 yrs ago was i lost my "joy"....my second was math...i won a math award in HS my tenth grade year and then my 11th grade year i couldnt do it....i failed algebra two years in a row....and everyone kept telling me "its just an anxiety" thing but math was my favorite....and i havnt benn able to do math since 1990
Posted 12/16/2011 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
i could be taught how to do it but when i woke up the next morning...i had no clue what i had learned...im like dori on finding nemo...i had to be retaught daily...my short term is sooooo not with me at the moment
Posted 12/16/2011 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Take heart, you guys!

I was very, very slow with everything. At one point I remember my husband yelling at me, "It's just a simple question!" when I couldn't answer him. I managed to say to him, "No, it's not" but that is all I got out!

Well, it was a simple question, but not for me. All that is well behind me now. As my treatment took hold, I was able to speak more easily, reason, and make decisions.

I worked at it it, too. I started doing puzzles and challenging myself. It would take me days to do a simple Sudoko puzzle, but I did it!

Now I have my wits about me, I would say. When I get tired I can see I still lose some pieces. If I don't concentrate, I will forget something somebody just told me, and names are not always available to me. I don't know how much of that is typical for my age, however!

Important thing is to remember is that this will get better with treatment and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is. As soon as you panic or get frustrated, the more "blocked" your mind gets.
Posted 12/16/2011 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you're having these difficulties. I used to be able to write really well, just a year ago before I graduated college. I could whip up a 10-15 page paper and get an A in just a few hours. Now I can't organize information to write even a blog post. The thoughts are all still there, but I can't write the way I used to. I also cannot do math in my head the way I used to, and I am constantly slurring my words together and mixing them up when I speak. It's humiliating sometimes, but I'm learning to compensate. For example, at work if someone asks me to do something I write it down on a post-it note immediately so I don't forget. Instead of stumbling over math in my head I grab a calculator right away or just say "I don't know" and walk away so I don't feel stupid trying to figure it out on my own. It's a pain, but part of human nature is to adjust. You just need to find ways of adjusting so you are not increasing your stress levels over simple things.
Posted 12/17/2011 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
thanks u guys....i just miss "me" sometimes...i miss things being so simple for me...and yes i took those things for granted when i had them....time will tell if i will be able to feel comfortable in my own skin again....but i sure aint gonna go down without a good fight....and im going to stay away from things that i cant do right now....i do recite my multiplication when i think about it....and most of that is missing....sometimes it eventually comes but its never easy or readily available....and im not going to watch that show "are you smarter than a fifth grader" anymore....i guess the things i have learned will eventually come back...or maybe i need a new technique on how to retrieve "those files of prior knowledge"...i know they are there.....and because i know they are there...im going to keep going after them.....
Posted 12/17/2011 4:28 AM (GMT 0)
I was totally in the same boat just a few months ago. I was really, really down on myself for not being "me" anymore. The math, the slurring, the inability to write or communicate cohesively...it just made me feel like less of a person, and it really hurt!

It's good that you can laugh at yourself, though I know that only takes you so far. But it does get better. Lately I've been going through phases - every other day seems different, but on those good days I have this huge smile on my face because I feel so smart and competent - it does come back! And when it does, you certainly appreciate it way more than ever before!

Just try to remember you're still "you" underneath all the symptoms. It's no different than when someone has the flu and they're just not acting like themselves. We're temporarily sick - granted it's a pretty long-term temporary! - and we don't have all the resources we need to be fully ourselves. But it's all still there. You are clearly very strong and very determined. Just try to remember that you aren't defined by your symptoms, and that it will get better! Good luck.
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