Help with not stressing/over-analyzing treatment progress

So I thought I kinda-sorta knew what I was getting into with treatment this time, but I'm realizing I have no idea. Mostly I'm realizing that I'm a lot sicker than I realized (no surprise there. First time around I was able to ignore the multiple times I got lost less than a block from my house, and all my memory problems to the point where I almost didn't mention them to my LLND at the first appointment.). I am absolutely exhausted all the time, have a lot of pain, and have fairly significant memory problems. I'm grumpy I let it go 6 months, but I'm also nervous at how far I went back in those 6 months- especially the last 6 weeks of them. I don't know what it means, or what to expect, and I'm stressing myself out thinking about it.

I just alternate between feeling like I shouldn't be this sick, and panicking every time I don't have a strong reaction to a new medication (I started a biofiom treatment on Thursday), because I feel like I should. I'm scared my fatigue is affecting my work (ok- I KNOW it is, but I'm afraid about the extent). I don't have the energy to do the best job at work, but I feel like, as a new employee, I can't afford to take time away for sickness (and I have no idea when to judge when I should).

But I also feel sometimes like I am just a big whiner. On Friday after work I was so exhausted I went home and laid down right away. I couldn't even stand up long enough to eat supper. I spent something like 8 hours on Saturday in bed too, and slept for 12 hours today last night. Today I went to Costco (I hate it, but it saves me so much money on produce), and was exhausted and laid down for 3 hours after. After that, I actually had the energy to clean my room a bit, do some ab exercises etc. Now I'm sitting here wondering if I am just a lazy slob and I should have done all these things earlier...even thought I know this isn't true. Even thought on Tuesday last week I made myself go to the gym despite everything, and I was in excruciating pain with terrible fatigue for 2.5 days after that. This is what my brain does- all through the first two years of treatment I second-guessed every symptom and all my reactions as soon as I felt better. This is also why I never feel like I can take a sick day at work

The fatigue thing freaks me out. I don't know how to handle it and work long-term, but thinking about what it would be like for it be to better in a week or a month also freaks me out...because the first time around I didn't start feeling better for 6 months, and because I'm scared to think about something that could so easily fall out from under me. I just feel so terrible right now that I have trouble imagining this will be a quick fix...but if it it isn't, I have no idea what to expect. Part of it is probably that I am so stressed by feeling ill and trying to function at work that it is bleeding out all over the place- and one of my big neurological issues has always been decision making problems, which also leads to huge stress. To top it all off, my landlord is a jerk, and I have a bunch of extra expenses I wasn't planning on. If I can't mitigate them (I might be able to), I'll have to move. But I'm so stressed and terrified of the thought of having to move in 3.5 months that I can't make myself approach him with the solutions that would allow me to stay. Oh yeah, and there's the fact that my doctor my not treat me, and although my ND can, I might have to pay out of pocket for everything.

I'm scared I won't feel sick enough that I feel like I deserve to give myself a break, and I'll have to go on like this for months, but I'm also scared of what would happen if I did give myself a break and take some time of work...even just a couple of days.

It is Sunday night and I am absolutely dreading work. I know I won't feel good enough to do anything other than an adequate job at best, and I worry I won't feel badly enough to indicate my new medication is working. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out, and despite my complete terror at the thought, I'm sort of looking forward to it, because it gave me a legitimate reason to take 2 days off. I'm less than 2 months back into treatment, and I'm remembering why I quit- because if I quit I lose all the stress and worry associated with trying to get better.

I know this is long- pretty much everything I post is, sorry, but if I were to summarize how I was feeling right now, it would be scared. Scared, and alone. My sister's pretty great, but she's never had any serious illness or injury. And at the office I have to be Miss Super-healthy Happy-Sunshine. So I wanted to share with other people who were going through similar things, so at least I could feel less alone.

So for all the new people I've been trying to give advice to- here you go. At the bottom of it, we're all just scared and sick and trying to find some answers.

Sometimes I think that if the only thing we had to deal with was the actual symptoms, Lyme disease would be a breeze (which says a lot considering all the symptoms we deal with on a daily basis!). There are no rules for how to live our lives and carry out our responsibilities while dealing with a chronic illness - we have to make it all up as we go along.

My heart goes out to you Zeusy - you are clearly overwhelmed! Does your employer/do your coworkers know that you're sick? I spent many years trying to hide the fact that I was sick (partially because I didn't know what it was/what to call it, partially because I knew I was supposed to "leave my problems at home"). I pretended to be some version of myself that I simply wasn't, and all that pressure had a pretty negative impact on me. At my last job I found such tremendous relief from finally spilling the beans - admitting that I was sick and no longer forcing myself to act like I was fine. Sometimes when you can find a way to diffuse the emotional aspect of your symptoms, they become a bit easier to manage. It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself - and I understand why - but as you know, the stress just isn't good for you! It may be a little cliche, but try to take it one day at a time. You're dealing with a lot of uncertainty, and you can't know or control what's going to happen. Sometimes letting in all the problems you have to deal with all at once can give you a bit of tunnel vision, and once you get that overwhelmed it gets harder to deal with problems objectively.

Everyone has good and bad days - nobody's perfect! You're doing the best you can and you should be proud of how hard you're trying! If you look for flaws, you're guaranteed to find some! You can pick apart everything you've done all day and look at what you could've done better, or you can look at all you've accomplished, all you've pushed through, all you have to be proud of. Being sick tends to point you in the direction of seeing all that's wrong, and can make it tough to see what's right. I think the fact that you're so alert to how your illness is affecting your job performance can be your biggest strength and weakness. You may not be able to perform your job as well as you'd like, but it sounds like you make up for it in how hard you try and how much you care. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I know it's scary, but you've made it this far - you're strong and you'll get through this!

I am new to Lyme and have relatively mild symptoms in comparison to what I am reading here. I count myself lucky in that vein. But I am so thankful for yor post because I am also uncertain of how to handle work. I am a teacher and have 28 faces staring at me each day. I am out on disability until feb1 but don't know what to do beyond that. The brain fog and memory problems alone are enough to make the job difficult.

I am lucky to have a great boss who supports whatever decision I make, but I don't know if I can get my doc to keep extending my leave. I am being treated by an ND and don't know how far that title gets her. Who knows, maybe the next two weeks will grant me much improvement if I take care of myself, but it doesn't sound likely.

Lol....maybe I was an 18th century playwright in an earlier life! Sometimes my left brain kicks in and takes charge over my NASA right-brained daily work. Dang, that's why people always call me an enigma! Keep the faith, my friend!

Hang in there Zuesy!
I'll bet that deep down inside you truly know when you should just "go home and go to bed" - you just have to get used to hearing that small voice inside you that tells you this! I know I about smothered my poor 'little voice' before I got used to hearing it! LOL!

B-12 shots help most of us that use them! I would suggest that you keep up with them!

Most will agree that milk thistle protects the cells of the liver by blocking the entrance of harmful toxins and helping remove these toxins from liver cells. So it's helping you to detox.

While looking around I did find something else quite interesting and the explanation as to why I had such a terrible response to it - Milk thistle can produce allergic reactions, which tend to be more common among people who are allergic to plants in the same family (for example, ragweed, chrysanthemum, marigold, and daisy). So I guess my ragweed allergy is more of a pain than I had known!

Yeah...I'm just feeling really down recently, and I don't know why. Even the B12 making me feel better hasn't really done anything- it's just made me more nervous (what if I am not reacting to the biofilm treatment? What if I get sort of better quickly and then stall again? What if my doctor quits on me (which they won't)).

I'm actually wondering if maybe the biofilm treatment is making me extra-moody. I know someone in my city with Lyme who said that their only reaction was to get really moody. It's not typical for me, but I am just SO down right now, and I'm not sure why. I went to the gym (just to walk around the track. It is too cold to be outside), and I was nearly bursting into tears 5 minutes in, when I started feeling tired. Either that, or I already burnt myself out...

I have day dreams where I quit my job, curl up in a ball in bed, and put my life on hold until I get rid of this. It's a nice dream.

And Bucci- I used to be someone who HATED plans, never worried (I made fun of my sister for it), was super optimistic, impulsive etc. Now, I feel like an anal-retentive type-A nut! It was the only way to survive when I had the memory of a goldfish. I hate it, but it seems to be here to stay. No matter what happens this go-round, I know I will never be the same person I was before Lyme. Some of it is kind of good, but most of it is anxiety, insecurities, worries and other fun stuff that just got dumped on me.

Zeusy, B12 is a huge brain function helper and it brings up seratonin. I watched my Dad go from being completely out of his mind to really OKAY
after getting the injections.

I would have never believed it if Ihad not seen it for myself.

I just started eating more protien meat and am watching my depression shift dramatically.

I don't know what the biofilm treatment is but the best thing for me to clear up toxic build up is COFFEE ENEMA.

If you are stripping biofilms it has got to be a toxic let go.

The rest of the stuff is watching yourself and your entire life being hit by a train. It is a slamming and you have to keep the toxins away and your brain chemistry going to keep the depression away.

Lyme and then the treatment will beat you into the ground. That is it's most powerful approach. It beats your WILL TO BE.

We all loose ourselves to this disease but
WE ALL COME BACK .

Always know it, Zeusy. Always know that there is way more to you than what was for you.

You are going to shock yourself when you see how deep to the core you can go and come back.

Feed your brain as much as you can to pull yourself out of the pit.

It's like quicksand. You have to stretch way out and grab a branch to latch
on to and you will make it out.

Keep pulling the toxins out and feeding your brain.

All the smarts n spirit you have in you is what is going to maintain the course to steer your way out.

Castor oil pacs
coffee enamas
chorella
protien AND carbs...if your adrenals are crashed you can not do that carbo starve thing. just eat the good stuff.

follow your cravings and follow the trail that leads to it.
If you crave chocolate they say it is low magnesium but also magnesium makes progesterone. keep an eye on your Hormones.

I do not take magnesium because two of my doctors think it causes relapse because biofilms feed off it.

Other doctors think differently. so you do your research on that and your doctor may have an opinion also.

Exercise??? You might get to the point that getting up out of bed is an extreme sport but you will get your energy back.

you gonna get through this, eusy

Please don't forget that Lyme can cause not only problems with anxiety , but with depression as well. And there's absolutely no reason to suffer with them. It's not something that we can control - it's an infection within us that's the driving force for it.

I was a happy and fairly energetic person until my last really bad relapse - 12 years ago. Now I need anti-anxiety med to help control panic attacks that I get without the panic attached! I just feel my body ramping up the adrenaline and the heart palps and then the shaking starts. At no point do I feel anxious though.

It was the same way with depression for a while too. Don't put off using anti-anxiety meds or anti-depresant meds if you are having these issues. It's not you, it's the infection(s). There is no reason to go through this kind of stuff - we have enough on our plate as it is.