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Posted Yesterday 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
It's becoming pretty evident to me that I've become emotionally detached in the last year.i feel like i have trouble caring about anything accept trying to get myself better. I don't know. it's just too overwhelming and when i hear about people and their problems or ailments i completely check out because they have no idea how good they have it. Id rather break my leg in half and miss a football season than have i bug living inside me stealing my mind and destroying me from the inside out.its taking a tole on me. I want to care but it's hard especially when i try so hard to refrain from bringing up my own issues. is this is me or the bugs talking.Uhggggg i don't know... Anyone have the same feelings? sorry had to vent
Posted Yesterday 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
That feeling will most likely loosen a little bit over time. I think ever person with lyme goes through this. Even though I'm well I still have some of it! My brother is getting married and I was helping out with wedding shower etc etc and the fiance's mom was telling me about all the little details and colors and I had to be excited on the outside and on the inside I was like "really? colors? who gives a $^&@**" Things I used to get excited about I know longer do. On the upside I am finding new things that I love. Just hang in there will. It will bet better!
Posted Yesterday 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Will228, Hi there, no your not the only one cry   I think its a little of both... the tick illness and living with a chronic illness. We are very sick and it makes us all self absorbed because we have to be to care for our sick bodies. Also, this bacteria affects our brains and really tweeks our personalities! Some more than others. Sometimes I feel so detached with my life around me I feel like a person peering through a window at the fabulous party called "life" going on inside cry We will get better, just go easy on yourself. I hope you have good support. That helps. When I begin to feel really bad about my situation, I pray for those around the world who have it much worse, and this really helps
Posted Today 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
I'm with Opugirl on this one! LOL! Even though I'm healed, so many people complain horribly about what seems like such goofy details of life!

I know a diabetic person who just won't eat right, so he had to start using insulin, and all I can think is "really???"
Posted Today 3:01 AM (GMT 0)
Will228, you are not alone! I have become very detached since I have gotten sicker. I spend most days in insufferable pain and my friends and family really don't have a clue. How can they? They have zero frame of reference. What helps me is remembering how before I got this sick, I had no understanding of chronic illness either. And my sister was in a wheelchair, my grandma had multiple strokes and we care took for her in our home, my mom died of lymes and I didn't even know she had it. So I've been around sickness a lot actually. But I still had no idea how much people actually suffer from chronic illness. Not until it was me. I didn't know how little other people cared. But you never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have. So I'm grateful for their ignorance, after all it also fills the world with their bliss.
And I've learned to keep company with other ill folks. It helps a lot to talk to people who's whole life revolves around, will I ever get better? Or at least be able to take care of myself? Will I suffer more and more each day until this illness takes me? It might be depressing at times. But it's real. They say that happiness exists when your reality in your head matches up with the reality in front of you.
Lymerunner, your thought of looking into the window of life really hit home for me. I used to work hard and play harder. I was the girl running past everyone else on a hiking trail. Or running 20miles on a Tuesday just for kicks. I wish sometimes I had a brick to smash that window, so there was no longer something keeping me outside.
Posted Today 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
I have often felt at the end of my rope to the extent of just backing away from people, doctors, not being interested in trying to explain my situation anymore.

Here are a few links I read yesterday that I thought kinda reflected what I was feeling and verified my expereince.

http://www.tiredoflyme.com/so-you-have-a-friend-or-family-member-with-chronic-lyme-disease.html#.Upv7cIY26Sp

http://www.tiredoflyme.com/6-tips-for-socializing-when-you-have-lyme-disease.html#.Upv7j4Y26So

http://www.tiredoflyme.com/why-do-those-with-lyme-disease-become-estranged.html#.Upv8joY26So
Posted Today 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Roots, oh i can relate!! I miss run ning those trails so bad. Last yr was my last long run on a trail. I fell and gashed my leg and hand. My legs were just too wobbly to go the distance. One day we will be out there again with brick in hand !!! smilewinkgrin
Posted Today 11:43 AM (GMT 0)
I totally feel like this a good part of the time. I feel like it is such a struggle to get through the day and just remember to take all my gazillion pills and fight this f!@#*ING infection that what else matters anymore? I really can't even eat anything since I am allergic to 90% of the foods I use to eat, and I feel so crappy most of the time that I don't enjoy anything I use to enjoy including and unfortunately even sex with my boyfriend. I"m so prone to urinary tract infections because of my sucky immune system that even having sex is not enjoyable any more. I have more urinary tract infections, even "complicated" ones that like this past summer had me going to the hosptial everyday for IV ERTAPENAN antiobitics to kill it that im super afraid to do anything with my boyfriend anymore. And for all you ladies who have had them I do all the right things (unsweetened cranberry juice, d-manose pills, and other natural preventative remedies) in order to try to not get another one. I can't go out to eat, I cant eat any foods I use to eat and enjoy. And it does cross my mind that maybe I am just slowly dying? I don't enjoy much and get very envious of people who have a life. I feel like I can't care about other people and help them with their difficulties right now because I am so consumed with my own illness and it takes up all my spare time. I know the emotionally numb place you were in when you wrote this post. I get there and feel like that often. hang in there. it passes. This is just a difficult illness to face everyday. Its such a struggle to feel almost normal. What people take for granted right? I mean i was sitting in the breakroom at work yesterday and watching people eat sandwiches, and what I would give to be able to just eat a sandwich again and take a normal lunch to work without trying to remember all the 100 foods I am allergic to that might upset my stomach etc. It sucks.
Posted Today 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
seriously lymerunner explained how I sometimes feel perfectly. I should have just quoted that post instead of venting on and on about all the things that piss me off today. LOL ... oh well.... its all about me as usual... turn

hope we all have a better day today. wink
Posted Today 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
 Thats ok Mumma!!! Vent away!! Were else can we do this safely?? Reading all your posts and everyone else's gives me strength when I can't seem to find it on my own!
Posted Today 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
The venting helps us to deal with yet another day of being ill, and that's part of the reason why this forum exists. It also helps others that read these posts to see that they are not alone in feeling this way.

I used to really beat myself up for feeling that way, but I was so ill and couldn't even post because of the cognitive issues, but I would come here to read. I was soooo relieved when I started reading about how others struggled.....and got past it. It gave me hope that I too, would one day get past it - and here I am!!! Past it!!!

So hang in there!! Some days you have to just concentrate on getting through that day, or that next hour, but you can do this!! You all have at least one great resource for support - this forum and each other!!
Posted 12/3/2013 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks lymerunner and traveler :)
Posted 12/3/2013 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hey you all thanks for the encouragement! I knew I couldn't be the only one feeling this way. It just gets hard sometimes and I want my old life back so much it makes me sick (see what I did there?). I guess I should just be happy I'm on the right path I'm still alive seeing as just one year ago I had doubts about whether I'd make it to see another birthday.
Posted 12/3/2013 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there, Will. Counting the blessings that you now see is a very good thing....even if you do have to include something like you are still alive! Remember that going through something like this should change you too!!

wink loved the joke!!!
Posted 1/1/2014 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
What gets me is when people say they are relieved Toby was diagnosed with Lyme and not ALS. First of all, he had (or has some) of the ALS symptoms. It would take an awful lot to convince me that he wouldn't have ended up in a wheelchair or dead if we didn't use alternative treatments for his illness. Also, it was probably the Lyme that caused it in the first place. As everyone on this site knows, Chronic Lyme is a horrible infliction to have to live with. People have died and suffered -some for many, many years - because of being infected. It is not to be taken lightly.
Posted 1/11/2014 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
that is how i feel too, emotonally numb,

after being so ill for several yrs, when i worked so hard to get to where i was,

even watching tv, and jokes about the silly programs, were annoying, I found i could no longer relate

and everything on tv essestially seems to be a waste of time

so many more imp things to discuss, and i use to watch some shows as distractions

but now those distractions just annoy me more

i want the old me back, i want my old life back, i want to read a book,

it has been years
Posted 1/11/2014 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
i use to have more people in my life, not having any idea about lyme

and they say all these things, and give me all these things that doesnt help

and it just upsets me more
Posted 1/12/2014 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Wow Mumma!

smilewinkgrin turn

Express yourself!!!

On a more serious note, I don't feel numb so much as sad, sad, sad. I know. It sounds like depression. All I want to do is cry. I can't sleep well, so I can't function during the day, and my house looks awful. Sleep is the one single thing that helps me the most, and without it, I'm out of "spoons," and my battery dies.

More on all this later. I don't want to take away from this great thread!

Margaret
Posted 1/13/2014 6:56 AM (GMT 0)
Will I hear you. I'm new here, but I've been sick a long long time. I only found out it was Lyme disease last year though. I'm going to be brutally honest here at the risk of people thinking I'm nuts, sometimes I feel like punching people in the face. Yes, there I said it. Trivial dog crap "problems", now I know people have it worse than I do..... However, this my illness and my life and my family's lives that affected by this. I likely passed it to my babies during pregnancy! It's not fair and that is why it pisses me off. I am at a place where I'm discusted with the medical community and I and my husband are both medical prodessionals. I do not work currently. I want to feel normal, whatver that is. I want to be able to organize my house and pull my babies on a sled in the snow, I want to walk to get hot chocolate with my school aged kids, I want to feel alive as opposed to half dead. This is not who I am. I used to ski, ride horses, run, play sports, water ski and I loved the beach! I can't tolerate heat anymore, I can't do NORMAL things. I get panic stricken now at the thought of a parent teacher conference and think "what if I feel really really sick, do I excuse myself?"
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